So, I figured I would do another revisit post of a classic Bond film, which I had actually just watched a Cinema Sins video on and the film is Diamonds are Forever, which was Sean Connery's last official swansong in the role of 007 and I figured why not update my review for it.
So, after 50 years (unreal I know!) how does this Bond film still hold up??? Well, let's take another look and find out...
And the usual warning is coming up...
PLOT SPOILERS ARE AHEAD!!!
STORY
Right so the film's pre-credits sequence begins with James Bond
(Connery) trying to locate the supervillain, Ernst Stavro Blofeld
(Charles Gray) who he eventually finds him at a facility where Blofeld
is creating clones of himself through surgery. Bond kills a test
subject and then is confronted by the "real" Blofeld but Bond then kills
him by drowning him in super heated mud.
After this the story then moves on to two assassins, Mr Wint (Bruce
Glover) and Mr Kidd (Putter Smith) who are targeting and killing several
diamond smugglers. At a MI6 briefing, Bond meets with his superior, M
(Beranrd Lee) who suspects that South African diamonds are being
stockpiled to depress prices and M orders Bond uncover the smuggling
ring. Bond soon after disguises himself as a professional smuggler and
assassin, Peter Franks and he meets up with Frank's contact, Tiffany
Case (Jill St. John).
Later on, the real Peter Franks however soon turns up at
Tiffany's apartment building and Bond manages to intercept him and the
two men get into a fistfight which ends with Bond killing Franks. Bond
then switches his ID with the dead Franks to keep up the charade that
Bond is Franks instead and together with Tiffany they smuggle the
diamonds out using Franks corpse into America as they arrive in LA.
Bond soon meets up with his CIA associate, Felix Leiter (Norman Burton)
at the airport and he travels to Las Vegas to a funeral home where
Franks's body is cremated and the diamonds are passed onto another
smuggler, Shady Tree (Leonard Barr) who is also a stand-up comedian.
Bond himself however is nearly killed by Wint and Kidd as they place his
unconscious body into a coffin and activate a cremation oven but Bond
is saved when Shady finds out the diamonds in the casket were fakes
planted by Bond and the CIA.
Not long after, Bond travels to a Vegas casino hotel named the Whyte
house, named after its owner the reclusive billionaire, Willard White
(Jimmy Dean). While there, Bond catches the tail end of Shady's act
however Shady himself is later murdered by Wint and Kidd who are after
the diamonds but they didn't realise they were fake until after they
killed him. After this Bond goes to the craps tables were he meets a
sexy casino hustler, Plenty O'Toole (Lana Wood) whom after gambling,
takes her back to his room. However Bond is then ambushed by gang
members, who throw Plenty out a window who manages to land in a pool.
Bond then discovers that Tiffany is waiting for him in the bedroom and
the two of the spend the night together and Bond instructs to retrieve
the real diamonds from a circus casino.
At the casino however, Tiffany flees from the scene and passes the
diamonds onto another smuggler but she later changes her mind when Bond
meets her again at the hotel pool where O'Toole is found dead. Tiffany
then drives Bond to the airport where the diamonds are given to Whyte's
casino manager, Bert Saxby (Bruce Cabot) and Bond follows their
destination to a remote facility by sneaking into the van of Professor
Metz (Joseph Furst). At the facility it is revealed to be a laboratory
where Metz, who is a lazer refraction specialist is building satelitte.
Bond sneaks into the lab area but his cover is soon blown and he is
forced to escape the facility using a moon buggy (yep that's right!) and
he regroups with Tiffany and they head back to the Whyte house.
Back at the Whyte House, Bond then scales the top of the building and
opens a rooftop window and jumps into what appears to be Willard Whyte's
office. However Bond instead finds two identical Blofelds, who have
been using an electronic device to make their voice sound like Whyte's.
Bond kills one of the Blofelds, who is revealed to be just a
look-a-like and Blofeld at gunpoint orders Bond to leave where Bond is
then gassed and taken out by Wint and Kidd and placed in a pipeline in
Las Vegas valley and left to die. Bond however manages to come around
and escapes the pipeline and heads back to the Whyte house where he
makes a call using a similar device to make his voice sound like
Saxby's, which enables Bond to learn Whyte's real location.
Bond then goes and saves Whyte who is double crossed by Saxby, who
attempts to kill Whyte but he is killed himself by Leiter's men in a
gunfight. And with Whyte's help, Bond raids the lab and uncovers
Blofeld's plan to create a laser satelitte using diamonds, which has
been sent into orbit and with the satelitte, Blofeld plans to destroy
nuclear weapons in China, the Soviet Union and the United States and he
then plans an auction for global nuclear supremacy (althought I don't
quite get it myself!).
And its from here Bond must try and find a way to locate and stop Blofeld from carrying out his evil plan....
THOUGHTS
As a Bond entry, Diamonds are forever is an enjoyable one in the series
which while its not one of the best regarded Bond films its still has enough
enjoyable moments in it. The tone is
however fairly camp and it introduced some new characters, particularly
the villainous Mr Wint and Mr Kidd who were essentially almost two homosexual
stereotypes. Blofeld's return to the series however is welcoming given
that Blofeld remains one of Bond's most memorable villains although I
will say a bit more about him later in the review.
The return of Sean Connery to the role was also a welcome one given that
George Lazenby had already turned down the offer to make six more Bond
films and Connery himself was paid over a 1 million dollar fee for his
role in the film. Connery would then later return to the role one last
time for Never Say Never Again, which was essentially a remake of
Thunderball but it has been panned by the fans and critics. Diamonds are Forever however, while its not his strongest film, is still pretty entertaining by comparison.
PERFORMANCES AND NOTABLE SCENES (Warning: this section will contain spoilers!)
As for the performances well they are a bit of a mixed bag here but its certainly not all bad.
And to start off with its star, Sean Connery does a fine job
again as James Bond, although he is starting to show his age a little in
the role despite being only 40 or 41 at the time of filming, Connery is
already showing a few grey hairs and wrinkles! ;-) But regardless of
that Connery still plays the part with enough charisma and charm to keep the audience entertained even if Connery does look a bit bored in certain scenes!
Connery has plenty of good moments in the film that include the scene at
the start where (SPOILER!!) Bond kills one of the Blofeld clones,
thinking to be the real one and he drowns Blofeld in heated mud. And
Bond turns up the temperature control level on a panel and grins and
says to the deceased Blofeld "Welcome to hell, Blofeld!".
Another scene worth mentioning is when Bond meets with M for a briefing
with Sir Donald Mungen over the smuggling rings. And in the scene Sir
Mungen asks Bond what does he know about diamonds and Bond replies "Well,
hardest substance found in nature, they cut glass, suggestsmarriage, I suppose it replaced the dog as the girl's best friend.
That's about it!".
Then there is the scene when Bond first meets Tiffany Case and he walks
into her apartment where she is wearing scant clothing. And Bond says
to her "That's quite a nice little nothing you're almost wearing. I
approve" and Tiffany pours Bond a drink warning him "I don't dress for
the hired help. Let's see your passport, Franks". And Bond gives her
his passport (or rather Franks passport) and she looks at it and says
"Occupation: Transport Consultant? It's a little cute isn't it? I'll
finish dressing" and Bond sarcastically says "Oh, please don't, not on
my account!".
Then there is the moment where Bond meets with Plenty O'Toole at the
casino and she says to him "Hi, I'm Plenty" and Bond looks at her
alluring and revealing dress and says "But of course you are!". And
Plenty says "Plenty O'Toole" and Bond says to her "Named after your
father perhaps?!".
Another good scene is when Bond is gassed unconscious and taken out to
the Las Vegas valley and placed in a large open pipe, which is fed into
the pipeline. And when Bond comes around inside the pipeline he sees a
small rat close to him and he smells something in the air and says to
the rat "Well, one of us smells like a tart's handkerchief!" and Bond
sniffs himself as it was the aftershave that Wint was wearing and he
apologies to the rat "I'm afraid its me. Sorry, old boy!". And this is
followed up by the moment where Bond emerges from the pipe when a
couple of oil workers open a hatch and Bond says to them "Thank you very
much. I was just out walking my rat and seem to have lost my way!".
Then we have the scene where Bond goes up to find Whyte and encounters
Whyte's two female friends, Bambi and Thumper who give Bond more than he
bargained for as they kick his ass between them. And in the scene the
two girls throw Bond into a swimming pool below and they try to drown
him but he instead manages to dunk their heads down below the water
instead! Its a pretty daft scene but fun all the same.
WARNING: BIG SPOILER COMING UP!
And lastly there is the scene near the end when Bond and Tiffany are having a special dinner onboard a cruise ship but the dinner is served up to them by Wint and Kidd, who have stashed a bomb inside a large cake.
And in the scene Wint opens a bottle of wine for Bond and
pours a glass, giving the cork to Bond to sniff, which he does and he
says to Wint "That is quite potent, not the cork, your aftershave" and
he tastes the wine "The wine is quite excellent. Although for such a
grand meal I would have expected a claret". And Wint says to Bond "But
of course. Unfortunately our cellar is poorly stocked with clarets" and
Bond having rumbled Wint says to him "Mouton Rothschild IS a claret.
And, I've smelled that aftershave before, and both times - I've smelled a
rat!".
Jill St. John next up however is a weak link in the chain of the
cast here as her performance as the sexy and sassy diamond smuggler,
Tiffany Case is pretty lame to say the least as she appears to deliver
her lines almost half heartedly and certainly doesn't do so great with
her more dramatic moments. In short Tiffany Case remains one of the
flimsiest of Bond girls and Jill's performance certainly doesn't help
back the character up.
Regardless of that Jill has one or two good moments though that include
the scene when Tiffany attends the circus casino and she plays a water
gun game to win a prize (the prize actually is a bear which has the real
diamonds stashed in it). And as Jill wins the game, a young kid
playing next to her insists she was cheating, so Jill fed up says to the
kid "Go blow up your pants!".
Then there is the scene where Tiffany is waiting for Bond, lying in a large bed and wearing a negligee as Bond turns the light on and this is just after some goons through Plenty out of hotel room window. So, Tiffany says to him "Sorry about your fulsome friend. I bet you really missed something" and Bond says to her "Well the evening might not be a total loss after all". Tiffany then says "Why don't we talk first" and Bond says "Well, what would you like to talk about?" and Tiffany says "You pick a subject" and Bond says "Diamonds" and Tiffany says "Good boy!".
Another notable scene is when Tiffany goes to her place and finds Bond sitting on a sunbed and she angrily says to him "You've got a lot of guts showing up here! After letting me freeze my behind off at a blackjack table for two hours waiting for some nonexistent diamonds! And what the hell is my black wig doing in the pool?!". Tiffany however looks closer at the pool and we see Plenty is dead, drowned in the pool with a weight tied to her feet. Tiffany looks shocked and says "She's..." and Bond finishes her sentence "Dead. Supposed to be you. The next link in the pipeline".
Tiffany then asks Bond "What are you talking about?" and Bond tells her "A dentist is dead in South Africa. That little old lady in Amsterdam. Shady got his last night. They've missed me once. And you're next. Now, who's your connection?". Tiffany suspcious then says "You sound like a cop to me..." and Bond slaps her and firmly asks her "I said who's your connection?!" and Tiffany comes clean and tells him "All I know, his voice is on a phone. They got me this place and told me to wait for further instructions" and Bond then says "You'll find that rather difficult to hear underwater".
And lastly there is the scene where Tiffany stops Metz from leaving the
gas station to allow Bond to sneak into his van so Tiffany drives her
car infront of Metz's vehicle. And in the scene Tiffany says to Metz
"Keep leaning on that tooter, Charlie, and you're gonna get a shot in
the mouth!" and she says to the gas station attendant "Hey Curly, how
about my stamps?!" and the station attendant relents and get's the
petrol pump ready to fill up her car. However at this point, Tiffany
notices Bond has gotten into the back of Metz's van and she says to the
attendant "Hey, I wanted high-test! (i.e. petrol) Forget it, Curly, you
had your chance and you blew it!" and she get's in her car and drives
off.
Although of course they can't resist later on making Tiffany's character
into a real bimbo onboard Blofeld's oil rig where she is caught by
Blofeld trying to switch the tapes and one of them is stuck in the rear
of her bikini. Tiffany in the next scene tells Bond "I did it! I switched the tape round" but Bond says to her "You stupid twit! You've put back in the real one!".
And last of all is the final scene of the film where (SPOILER!!!) Bond having dealt with Mr Wint and Mr Kidd hugs Tiffany. And Tiffany says that often repeated line by Bond girls as they hug "Oh James!" and Bond asks her "Oh, yes, what was it you were about to ask me?" and Tiffany says "James. How the hell do we get those diamonds down again?" and they look up to the sky where Blofeld's satelitte is still orbiting that contains the diamonds and they both smile.
Charles Gray does fair better as Blofeld however his performance
doesn't have the creepy stillness of Donald Pleasance in You Only Live
Twice or the credibility of Telly Savalas in On Her Majesty's Secret
Service (although I still think Telly was the best Blofeld). Gray had
also appeared in one of the previous Bond films, You only live twice as
Dikko Henderson, one of Bond's British contacts (albeit rather briefly).
Gray has some good moments all the same that include the scene Blofeld
meets with Bond at the Whyte house. And Bond asks Blofeld what he
intends to do with the diamonds and Blofeld says to Bond "An excellent
question. And one which will be hanging on the lips of the
world quite soon. If I were to break the news to anyone it would be to
you first, Mr Bond, you know that". But Blofeld soon then asks Bond to
leave and says to him "But its late, I'm tired and there is much to be
done, Mr Bond" and he press a button opening a lift door. And Bond
walks cautiously towards the lift, prompting a response from Blofeld
"Well go on, go on, it's merely a lift. Or should I say elevator? In any
event I'm sure you'll find it far more convenient than mountaineering
about outside the Whyte House!".
Then there is the admittedly stupid scene where Blofeld wanders through a
casino in drag and this catches the attention of Tiffany who only sees
him from behind so she chases after him out onto the sidewalk where she
is soon pushed into a limo and is sat right next to Blofeld who sits
with a wig and make-up on, stroking his cat. And Blofeld says to her
Tiffany "Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in! I'm delighted
to meet you, Miss Case. I'd so dreaded the prospect of making this
tedious journey alone!".
And then we have the scene when onboard Blofeld's oilrig near the end, Blofeld catches Tiffany trying to switch the cassette tapes used to launch the codes for the satelitte and she has the other tape in her underwear. And Blofeld says to her "Tiffany, my dear! We're showing a bit more CHEEK than usual, aren't we?!" and Tiffany hands the tape to Blofeld and he says " Take her below and lock her up with Mr. Bond". And as Tiffany is lead off, Blofeld looks at the tape and says to himself "What a pity, such nice cheeks too. If only they were brains!".
And last of all is the scene Blofled makes to escape the oil rig when government agents attack it and he delivers the priceless line as he picks up a phone and says "Prepare my bathosub immediately!". This is then followed by Blofeld getting inside his bathosub (great name!) and crane operator lifting it and readying to drop into the sea when Bond knocks out the operator and takes his place. So, Blofeld grows impatient as he shouts at the absent operator "Sub to crane! Lower crane! Wake up, man! Lower the crane!". Bond then looks at the controls and presses one that sends the bathosub into the water with a rough landing, which angers Blofeld who shouts "You stupid idiot! You could have killed me!". Bond then lifts the bathosub with the crane angering Blofeld who shouts "I said LOWER! NOT UP!" and Bond then uses the crane to smash the bathosub against the control center of the rig causing it to begin exploding and Blofeld's final words being "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU!".
Bruce Glover and Putter Smith are also pretty good in
their roles as the creepy henchmen, Mr Wint and Mr Kidd as you can
almost imagine they are like a gay couple version of Anton Chigurh as
they relentlessly murder anyone that stands in their way. And it also
has to be said that they also can't resist making a series of cheesy
puns when they make their kills aswell, which does get a bit annoying
after a while.
I will mention them together as they really are a double act so their
scenes worth mentioning include their first when they are out in the
desert and they meet with a diamond smuggler who is also a dentist to do
an exchange for money and diamonds. And before the smuggler arrives,
Wint notices a scorpion on the ground and says to Kidd "The scorpion"
and Kidd says "One of nature's finest killers, Mr Wint" and Wint says to
him "One is never too old to learn from a master, Mr. Kidd!".
And later in the same scene after they have killed the dentist smuggler,
Wint and Kidd kill off another smuggler who arrives in a helicopter by
giving him a case with a bomb inside but before they do, Wint tells him that dentist was sick "Bitten by the bug!" and "He said to give you this!" and gives the pilot the case, which detonates as he flies off. And this prompts the glib one-liners from the duo as Kidd
says to Wint "If God wanted man to fly...." and Wint finishes the line
"...he would have given him wings, Mr Kint!" and the two then holds
hands and walk off together through the desert.
Another good scene comes between the two of them when they are onboard a
plane, following Tiffany Case. And Kidd spots Tiffany through the
curtains of the section of his cabin and Kidd says to Wint "Well,
they're both aboard, and I must say Miss Case seems quite attractive..."
and this prompts a jealous glare from Wint and Kidd says "....for a
lady!" and Wint continues to glare and Kidd laughs nervously.
Then there is the scene when Bond is knocked out by Wint and Kidd at the
funeral home and he is placed in a coffin and they activate the
creamtion oven. And as the coffins starts to move into the oven, Wint
glibly says to Kidd "Very moving" and Kidd says "Heartwarming, Mr Wint"
and Wint says "A glowing tribute, Mr Kidd!" and they leave hurriedly.
God these guys are on fire! (Sorry!).
Then there is the moment when Bond after having met with
Blofeld is gassed in the lift and then taken out by Wint and Kidd and
placed in their car where they drive Bond into the valley. And as they
look at the unconscious Bond and Wint says to Kidd "If at first you
don't succeed Mr. Kidd...?" and Kidd finishes off the line "Try, try
again, Mr Wint!".
And last of all is their final scene where Mr Wint and Mr Kidd try to finish off Bond and Tiffany as they pose as catering staff onboard the cruiser they are on. So, Mr Wint shows off the trolley of food the have and says to them in a put-on French accent "On specific instructions and with the complements of Mr. Willard Whyte: Oysters Andaluz, Shashlik, Tidbits, Prime rib au jus, Salade Utopia...". And we then see Mr Kidd set a timer on a bomb underneath the trolley and place a cake topping over it and Wint says "And the piece de resistance..." and Kidd produces the beautiful cake and Wint says "The bombre suprise!". Tiffany appetised walks toward them and says "That looks fantastic! What is it?" and Wint tells her "Ah, but then there would be no surprise, Madame!".
Jimmy Dean also does well in his role as the reclusive
billionaire, Willard Whyte who is being used by Blofeld in order to
carry out his own plan.
Dean also has some good moments in the film that include the one where Bond along with
Leiter finally track down Whyte at his summer house and they lead him out of his secluded
hideout only for a gunshot to fire off and we see Bert Saxby taking
shots at his boss. And as Saxby is killed by the CIA agents, Bond says
"Saxby" and Whyte who didn't see Saxby die asks "Bert Saxby???!" and
Bond says "Yes" which prompts the classic line "Tell him he's fired!!".
Another scene is when Bond brings Whyte and Leiter to the research station he smuggled into earlier where the satelitte was being worked on by Dr Metz, who Blofeld has recruited to help him with this plans. So, Bond asks Whyte "Was Dr Metz on your payroll, Mr Whyte?" and Whyte says "No. But I heard of him. Everybody in our business has. The world's leading expert on laser refraction. A committed idealist to peace. And how in the hell Blofeld got his hooks in him, I will never know!".
And lastly there is the scene where after a series of attacks by Blofeld using the satelitte to destroy several nuclear missile sites around the world, Bond ponders where Blofeld might be as Whyte tells him of Blofeld's demands to the world.
So, Whyte enters and tells Bond "Well, Washington just got word from your friend with the cat. Would you believe that this whole damn country is bein' held for ransom and we've got till noon tomorrow to pay up!" and Bond says "So that's his plan". Whyte then tells Bond "An international auction with nuclear supremacy goin to the highest bidder!". Bond asks Whyte "Tell me, what does he need to control that satelite?" and Whyte says "A simple set of tapes fed into a computer bank. All he really needs is a building" and he lies down on a couch. Bond then asks "And these tapes? Large or small?" and Whyte says "Concievably any size. From six inches to a cassette".
Bond then suggests to Whyte that Blofeld could be anywhere on Whyte's map if he is still using his empire as a cover for his operations. And Bond says to Whyte "Blofeld could be anywhere on this map. From Alaska to Florida. From Maine to Oregon. From Texas to Baja California". Whyte then suddenly sits up, surprised, he says "Baja?! I haven't got anything in Baja!" and he storms over to the map on the floor and we see Baja as one of the plants.
Norman Burton does OK in his role as Felix Leiter although I have to say he isn't one of the more memorable Leiter's but he still does well with the part.
And Burton still does provide some good moments such as his first scene where Bond meets with Felix at the airport in Vegas with Felix posing as an airline staff member. So, as they wheel out the coffin containing Peter Franks body (who Bond killed earlier) Bond greets Felix and says "Well, well, well Felix Leiter, you old fraud!" and Felix says quietly to Bond "On behalf of the CIA, welcome to America". Felix then opens the coffin feels through the body and says quietly to Bond "I don't get it. I know the diamonds are in the body but where?" and Bond says "Alimentary, Dr Leiter!". Felix then shuts the coffin and says to Bond "So long, James. Keep in touch".
And lastly there is the scene where Felix
runs up after Bond who has gone up to find Willard Whyte in his secluded
penthouse. And Felix runs in to find Bond in the swimming pool with
the two girls, Bambi and Thumper while he dunks them under the water (a
scene that Connery appears to be enjoying I might add!). And Felix says
to Bond "Oh, great! Willard Whyte is about to be executed and guess
who's giving breaststroke lessons???!" and Felix asks "Where's Whyte?" and Bond "Haven't found out yet" and he let's the girls up for air but then pushes them down again and says "Still haven't found out!".
Lana Wood on the other hand is pretty naff in her part as the
other Bond girl in the film, Plenty O'Toole who appears only briefly
which is maybe just aswell given her acting leaves much to be desired
(although her figure is a different story! ;-).
And Wood get's some of the film's worst lines although she does get one
good one where Bond has finished playing at the crap tables in the
casino and Plenty follows him, impressed. And Plenty says to Bond after
he gives her $5,000 in chips "Hey, Mr Franks, you are a terrific guy! A
little weird but a terrific guy!".
But this is followed by one of the worst lines in the whole film when
Bond takes Plenty back to his luxurious hotel room and she says to him
"Wow! What a super place you have!". Although to be fair it is
followed up by the better line when the Slumber inc funeral home goons
come back for the real diamonds and one of them grabs Plenty and throws
her out the window into a swimming pool below. And Plenty protests as
she is lifted out the bedroom, naked except for her underwear, yelling
"Hey, what the hell is this? A pervert's convention or something? Now
listen, you can't do this to me! Stop that! I've got friends in this
townnnnnnn!!" and she is thrown out the window and lands into the pool below.
And last of all Bernard Lee, Lois Maxwell and Desmond Llewellyn all do their own little bit in the film and do it well although in their respective roles as M, Moneypenny and Q.
Lee himself delivers one of the film's best lines when Bond shows off
his knowledge of wine to Sir Donald Mungen but Mungen asks him what he
knows about gold. And Bond glibly says "Well, hardest substance found
in nature, they cut glass, suggests
marriage, I suppose it replaced the dog as the girl's best friend.
That's about it!". And M replies "Refreshing to hear that there is one
subject you're not an expert on!".
Lois Maxwell literally however only has one scene in the film and that's
when Moneypenny gives Bond his fake passport. And as Bond is about to
drive off he asks Moneypenny "What can I bring you back from Holland?"
and Moneypenny says "A diamond? In a ring?" and Bond smiles and says
"Would you settle for a tulip?!" and he drives off, leaving Moneypenny
smiling longingly and saying "Yes".
And last of all Des has one or two good little moments although the two
that come to mind are when he sets up the electronic voice to change
Bond's voice to sound like Saxby's. And Bond says to Q after making the
call using it says "This time you've surpassed yourself, Q" and Q says
to him "Oh not at all, made this for the kids last Christmas!". And
also the moment where he uses a magnetised ring to activate the slot
machines in the Vegas casino much to the amazement of Tiffany.
DIRECTOR AND MUSIC
As for the director, Guy Hamilton does a fine
job here with the film in what was the second of four Bond films that he
directed. Hamilton here also paces the film out very well as it rarely
lags and he shows he is more than capable on handling the action scenes
although the film is guilty of having one or two boring car chases in
it but that can be forgiven as its mostly all good fun here. Hamilton
would then go on to direct Roger Moore's debut and follow up, Live and
Let Die and The Man with the Golden Gun. This might not be Hamilton's
best directorial effort as that would belong to Goldfinger but its still
a good one and it showed Hamilton was one of the series best directors.
As for the music John Barry provides an excellent score and it is
filled his usual signature tracks and themes and there are plenty of
good tracks throughout the film. A couple in particular that are worth
mentioning is the one where Blofeld activates the satelitte in orbit and
destroys the nuclear arms in the US, China and the Soviet Union as its a
good example of Barry's dramatic musical styling (that's the best I can
put it!). And another is the music used during the film's climax on
Blofeld's oil rig when Bond sabotages Blofeld's minisub by operating the
crane to hoist and lower it and he slams the minisub (or bathosub!) into the side of
the satelite control room, which was actually a reused theme from Thunderball.
And I can't forget to mention that the film contains its excellent theme song sung by Shirley Bassey, which is very memorable in itself and it stands out as one of the most notable Bond theme songs. So, overall its a very good score and one of the most memorable from the series.
FLAWS (Warning this section may also contain spoilers!)
As for Diamonds are Forever....flaws....does it have any???? Or rather do the diamonds in the film have any flaws??? ;-) Yes it does have some.
And to kick off one of the problems I had with the film was to do with
its campy tone and its overuse of glib one-liners and puns not only from
the hitman duo of Mr Wint and Mr Kidd but even from Bond himself. I
mean lines such as the one where Bond slips the cassette tape into the
behind of Tiffany's Bikini knickers and he says to her "You bitch. Your
troubles are all behind you now!".
Or another example is when just after Mr Wint and Kidd kill off the
dentist with a scorpion, they give a case to another smuggler who
arrives in a helicopter and Wint says to the smuggler of the dentist "He
couldn't make it! Bitten by the bug!". I mean its pretty naff and
they soon become a bit tiresome and you can just imagine the
screenwriters just hanging around the office trying to come up with as
many cheesy puns as they possibly could to squeeze into the script!
Also further to the point of the scorpion stinging the dentist and
killing him in actual reality not alot of scorpion stings are actually
fatal although some of them can and they can be particularly fatal to
children (or so I read). So again this film sets up a bit of a myth
about scorpions suddenly being able to kill a man with one sting as its
just thrown in for the sake of convenience to bump off an expendable
character.
Another problem I have with the film to a lesser extent is Connery's
depiction of Bond has him as something of a bit of a misogynist (well I
guess Bond kind of is really!). And here Bond is seen almost strangling
a woman (he nearly chokes a woman to death with her bikini top for
information at the start on Blofeld's whereabouts) and slapping one
(where he slaps Jill in one scene when he asks her about her diamond
connection). And Bond's rougshod approach to treating women like this
was I guess something that Connery did do but its something I don't
think sits too well or appears that comfortable to watch in the film.
As for the plot there were one or two daft moments worth mentioning too
such as the scene where Bond sneaks into the back of Metz's van while
Tiffany distracts Metz by parking her car infront of him and brashly
asking the gas station attendant to fill her car up. And in this scene
we can see Bond get into the back of the van, but so can the guy who's
car is directly BEHIND Metz's yet the guy in the car behind says NOTHING
of it to Metz or Tiffany! And it would make you wonder, shouldn't the
guy have said something as it was as clear as day to him and it looked a
bit weird seeing a random guy sneak into the back of Metz's van!
Then there is a bit of a continuity error in the plot which happens in
the scene where Tiffany comes back to her home and finds Bond sitting
outside in a deck chair waiting for her only for Tiffany to find
Plenty's dead body drowned in her swimming pool. Now this really makes
no sense because presumably Wint and Kidd killed Plenty but they already
have seen Tiffany so why would they mistake Plenty for her in the first
place?! Maybe the only excuse for this is that they did it at night in
poor light and thought Plenty looked enough like Tiffany and that was
enough for them to make the mistake.
However there is also a deleted scene for the film which happens to
explain just why Plenty was at Tiffany's home in the first place as she
actually sneaked her way back up into Bond's hotel room and noticed that
Bond was getting it on with Tiffany. So Plenty angrily and sneakily
rifles through Tiffany's handbag and notes her address and she goes
there, which obviously leads into the case of mistaken identity of her
murder. Now this kind of makes more sense but its still a bit daft but
without this scene the fact we see Plenty turn up dead in Tiffany's
swimming pool in the film makes none whatsoever!
I also found the scene where Wint and Kidd take Bond when he is
unconscious out to a pipeline a bit silly too as they just leave him in a
large pipe thinking he might eventually die there, which is stupid in
itself as he didn't! And it makes you wonder given all the
opportunities they had to kill him why didn't they just shoot Bond and
get it over with or perhaps Blofeld instructed them not to kill Bond.
Who knows???
Another issue was to do with Blofeld and his clones as it kind of gets
pretty silly and confusing as to just who was the original Blofeld???! I
mean was the guy that Bond killed at the start Blofeld??? Or was he
just a clone? Or was he the original Blofeld and the one we see later
was a replacement clone??? And just why the hell did Blofeld clone himself in the first place??!! Its like the writers seemed to delight in
confusing the audience with all the Blofelds on display here! In fact
they would be just better with focusing on just the one Blofeld rather
than confusing an audience with the whole idea of Blofeld's clones,
which is a pretty stupid one anyway.
And its also worth mentioning that Blofeld really is reduced to a rather
campy character himself here even to the point where in one scene he is
dressed up in drag with a wig and lipstick on! Charles Gray does have
the perfect face for a villain but he just doesn't cut it here as the
menacing SPECTRE supervillain that is supposed to Blofeld, not when we
see him in a skirt and high heels!
Another issue with the plot is also to do with Blofeld's plan which is
pretty effing stupid to stay the least! I mean he destroys the
superpowers of the world's stockpile of nuclear weapons so he can put up
an auction of some kind for world supremacy! So is this some sort of
nuclear arms pre-eBay deal he is trying to work out here with the
nations of the world???? It just doesn't make much sense at all!! Not
to mention it just isn't very well explained in the film as to why
Blofeld was really doing it! Is it so he can control the supply of
nuclear weapons or is it so he can announce himself as the great nuclear
superpower that can fire a missile anywhere at will??? Hmmm it doesn't
add up at all.
And lastly just what happened to Blofeld at the end of the film?! Yes
Bond does sabotage Blofeld's mini submarine by hoisting it with the
crane and bashing it into the sides of the oil rig's control room but
its not clear whether or not Blofled actually survives. So we are just
left guessing as to whether Blofeld actually made it or if he was killed
in the explosions of the rig itself. We don't know so its just left
open ended and no one says anymore about it although Wint and Kidd do go
after Bond and Tiffany at the end so that might have been on the orders
of Blofeld himself after the fact, which is enough to suggest he
survived.
And another addition to this subplot with Wint and Kidd attempting
to kill Bond and Jill for the last time, it is beyond stupid that Mr
Wint would derive such pleasure from Bond having pulling Wint's arms up
behind his legs just after his partner in crime (literally and
metaphorically!) Mr Kidd has been killed by Bond! Its almost like Bond
is unintentionally giving Wint a last cheap perverted thrill before he
kills him off which almost erases the fact his boyfriend has just been
offed by Bond aswell! Ah well, it is just a Bond film I guess.
And last of all, I also found that the scene where they use Peter Franks body to plant the diamonds inside to smuggle them into America was also really stupid. I mean couldn't they have found another way to smuggle the diamonds inside the country rather than stick them inside some dead guy?! Not to mention that the diamonds they did put inside Franks were in fact fake ones, so they had to source a supply of fake diamonds also to pull this off also!
Further to this point, after Franks body is cremated at the crematorium and his ashes are supposedly placed in an urn, how did Bond just end up with the diamonds in the urn and not also the ashes as well?! Unless of course they decanted the ashes into a separate urn and gave Bond the urn with the diamonds either by mistake or on purpose. Again this bit doesn't make any real sense whatsoever.
Anyway that's it for the flaws.
SUM UP
So to sum up, Diamonds are forever is still an entertaining Bond film
which has plenty of fairly fast paced action and has some creepy
villains in Mr Wint and Kidd and it sees Sean Connery make a welcome
return to the role after George Lazenby's very brief stint in the role
(although he is starting to look a bit old here!).
Its not perfect of course and the overly camp tone, its bland Bond girl in Tiffany Case and
some daft plot holes do somewhat do it quite a bit of injustice. But
if you are willing to overlook all that then its still a film that's
worth checking it out, even if it isn't one of the very best Bond films.
So, I will finish by rating Diamonds Are Forever:
7 out of 10
So that's it for now and I will be back soon with another post!
Till then its bye for now!
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