Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Review (Revisited again!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right, time for another post revisitation and this one is a revisit of my review (which was already a revisit!) of GTA San Andreas, which I am currently replaying on the Xbox Series Xconsole, which is a different version from the PS2 one found on the later Playstation consoles. Its the same game of course just the graphics are a bit more tweaked than before as it was based on the mobile version of the game. 

So, with that all said, let's take another re-look at this classic video game and see how it fairs 17 years on from its initial release..

And here is the usual warning: 

PLOT SPOILERS ARE AHEAD!!!

STORY 

So it all begins in Los Santos (based on Los Angeles) back in 1992, when Carl "CJ" Johnson (voiced by hip-hop artist Young Maylay) returns back to his home to attend his mother's funeral.  CJ goes back home to his neighbourhood where he meets up with his brother, Sweet (Faizon Love), and his gangster friends Ryder (MC Eiht) and Big Smoke (Clifton Powell).  Together they go about trying to re-establish themselves as the main gang in Los Santos, and they also hijack shipments of weapons, and starting turf wars with their main rivals, the Ballas and the Vagos.

CJ is also along the way also forced to help two corrupt police officers, Frank Tenpenny (Samuel L.Jackson) and Eddie Pulaski (Chris Penn) into doing their dirty work for them.  CJ manages however to maintain good relations with his brother and his friends, as well as earning respect in their neighbourhood.  But its not long before things start to turn sour again as CJ receives a tip from Caesar Vialpando (Clifton Collins Jr) who is his sister's boyfriend.

Caesar meets with CJ secretly under a bridge where they spy on Big Smoke and Ryder coming out garage with a green sabre, the car which was seen during the drive-by hit on CJ's mother.  CJ realises then that Sweet, who is going on a gang mission, that he is walking into a trap set up by Tenpenny.  CJ arrives too late on the scene to prevent the ambush, and Sweet is injured by a gunshot, and after making a last stand, the police arrive and CJ is arrested, and taken out into the San Andreas countryside by Tenpenny.

Tenpenny wants CJ to assassinate a witness who is a threat to him and his partner Eddie, and with little choice CJ does the hit.  CJ soon after is also called up by a stranger called the Truth (Peter Fonda) who was recruited by Tenpenny as well to prepare in discrediting a district attorney.  The Truth is an old hippie and marijuana farmer, who naturally pretty spaced out, and sends CJ to do different missions.  CJ also is set up to meet one of Caesar's cousins, the crazed Catalina (Cynthia Farrell) who he does some robberies with, and also engages in some rather kinky sex (we hear it rather than see it!).

CJ through Caesar also hears about some underground street races out in the country, and he ends up racing against Catalina, and after winning the race, she hands over the deeds to a garage she owns in San Fierro (the equivalent of San Francisco).  CJ along with Caesar, and his sister Kendl (voiced by rapper Yo-Yo) and the Truth all travel out to San Fierro, however they find the garage to be empty and deserted, which angers CJ.  Kendl manages to persuade CJ to turn it into a business, and he ends up recruiting a couple of mechanics and an electronics whiz named Zero (David Cross) in order to do so.  As the business starts to turn a profit, CJ also befriends a Triad leader, the blind Wu Zi Mu "Woozie" (James Yaegashi) and does some business with him as well.

Eventually CJ also travels out to Las Venturas (based on Las Vegas) where he meets up with some more business associates.  Along the way however he is intercepted by a secret government agent by the name of Mike Toreno (James Woods) who asks him to do some work for him, and in return he will secure Sweet's release.  And to cut a long story short, its not long before CJ eventually makes his way back to Los Santos, where things have gone from bad to worse, where Big Smoke rules the roost and has filled the city with drug addled gangsters and its to CJ to put an end to it once and for all.   

THOUGHTS  

There is no doubt that San Andreas is a great game and its ambitious scale alone makes it a very worthy gaming experience.  The transition to not only a new city, but a new state also expands on the game's appeal considerably, as now the main character can travel from place to place over a vast area and three different cities. And its the game's scale, characters, combat and overall fun experience that makes it one of the greatest GTA games and indeed one of the modern greats in gaming. 

GAMEPLAY

The gameplay mechanics have also improved quite a bit as well, as now with the main character, CJ, he can also sorts of things such as learn new differet styles of attacks such as boxing, martial arts as well as dirty street fighting.

GYM TRAINING 

CJ can also do something about his physical appearance as he can work out at the gym, and either build up his body by lifting weights, or build up stamina and endurance on an exercise bike or a treadmill, and he can even put on weight by eating too much!  Apparently there was even a rumour going around that CJ could eat too much and become so overweight that he would eventually keel over and die, but I tried stuffing CJ full of food for ages and it never happened! However every time CJ overeats, he will throw up and lose a bit of his health bar so he could die that way right enough!

MOVEMENT AND CHARACTER STATS

Unlike the previous main characters such as Claude and Tommy (in GTA III and Vice City respectively) CJ now has the ability to swim and climb over fences, as well as to crouch while moving. CJ can also even get a new haircut as well as get tatoos, and in addition to the pre-determined outfits you get from Vice City, here CJ can go into cloth stores and chose his own gear, which can also add to his sex appeal (which is shown as bar meter along with his other aspects such as muscle, stamina, fat and weapon skill).

DATING 

CJ can also go out on dates with girls and there is of course a progress metre for that as well, and CJ can pick up different girlfriends in the different locations in the game, all of whom have different tastes for food, bars, events etc.  And if the date goes well then some idyllic, romantic music is played but if it goes badly then rather amusingly we hear "Killing in the name of" by Rage Against The Machine play over the cutscene!     

MISSIONS 

Again there is a huge variety of missions here as well, with CJ having more than just the option of playing the story missions (which are really varied as it is) but he can also play minigames such as burgalries, go on trucking missions, take lessons at an advanced driving school, get involved in street races, and also playing pool, arcade games and basketball.

GANG WARS AND TURFS 

Another key factor in the game is also the gang wars, where CJ will have to take over different turfs in the city, owned by other gangs such as the Ballas, which is done by killing a few gang members, which sparks a gang war, after which CJ must survive a wave of attacks from the gangs, after which he takes over the turf.  This plays a crucial part later on in the game when CJ returns to Los Santos as he must take over at least 35% of the gang turfs in Los Santos in order to activate the final story mission.

VEHICLES 

In addition to this, there are also a large variety of vehicles to use, as in addition to the usual cars, there are bicycles, a combine harvester, a trailer, street sweeper being some of the more novelty type modes of transportation.  There is also the inclusion of planes and helicopters as there is a variety of these two, although CJ's necessity to learn to fly prompts one of the game's most frustrating missions, which I will say a bit more about later.

VOICE ACTING AND MUSIC (Warning: this section contains strong language and spoilers!)

As for the voice acting, again things are top notch with a great cast. 

Starting with real life hip-hop artist, Young Maylay putting in an excellent performance as the central character, Carl "CJ Jonhson, who returns to Los Santos after five years and makes a name for himself again.  CJ is a pretty likeable character despite all his crimes, most of them are done out of either survival, necessity or being purely manipulated, but as a character he nevers get ahead of himself, and he carries that way till the end.

Maylay also get's some great lines throughout the game such as when he is driving and he bumps into someone and he comes out with lines such as "Are you a professional moron, or just a gifted amateur??!" or "Did you steal your licence???!".

Maylay also has some great scripted moments in the game's cutscenes that include the scene where CJ arrives at the empty garage in San Fierro, which Catalina gave him the deeds for.  And when he arrives he angrily shouts about Claude "Mother-fucker! That mute asshole! That fucking snake without a tongue! Gave me this shit-hole instead of a pink slip? I must be the biggest fucking idiot in the whole fucking world!".  

Then there are the scenes where CJ is out robbing with Catalina and he talks to her of her psychotic behaviour when they are driving and he says to her "You're a great girl and all, but you've gotta calm down!  I know some cold blooded cats that wouldn't act the way you do!".  Or there is the moment where CJ and Catalina rob a bank together and she tells him what to do crowd control and not to take any "shit!" and CJ sarcastically replies "Yes, Miss Catalina, Miss!!".

In another mission cutscene, Maylay has a good dramatic moment where CJ sits in deep thought, feeling guilty (SPOILER!!) over killing his former "homie" Ryder.  And as Caesar arrives to congratulate CJ on taking down Ryder and his drug syndicate saying that people think he is a hero, and CJ somberly says to him "Shit's still fucked up. Man, I got homies I used to run with that turn their back on me, over this".  And CJ continues, lamenting over Ryder "Fucking Ryder man! That was my homie! And I've killed him!".  

Another good moment in one of the mission's "Vertical Bird" (also one of the most frustrating!) is when CJ steal a jet fighter and uses to bomb some ships in the ocean and Mike Toreno keeps in contact with CJ by radio.  And Toreno says to CJ "You see?? Child's play!" and CJ yells "FUCK YOU, TORENO!!  I NEVER WANNA GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!! I THINK I'M GONNA HURL!!".  And Toreno teases Carl and CJ shouts at him "Shut up, Toreno!! Where do you want this thing???!" and Toreno fobs him off by saying "I don't know what you're talking about!" and CJ continues to yell at him "TORENO!!".

Samuel L. Jackson as you would expect does a great job as the corrupt copy, Tenpenny, who uses CJ as his own personal puppet and forces him to do his dirty work throughout the game.

Sam naturally of course has some great lines and moments in the story that include the cutscene in the mission "Burning desire" where Tenpenny warns CJ that he owns him.  And Tenpenny says to CJ "Now you get this straight. We own you! You're ours. We can shit on you from such a height you'll think God himself has crapped on you! You understand?!".  

Another good moment from Sam comes in the cutscene for "The Green Sabre" where Tenpenny and his crooked cop partner, Pulaski take CJ out into the middle of the country.  And CJ asks where he is and Tenpenny says to him "The middle-of-fucking-nowhere!  Nice, clean air".  And CJ asks of Sweet (who was badly injured during the events of the mission" and Tenpenny tells him "Sweet is alive. Alive and inside. He's in a prison hospital being treated for gunshot wounds, awaiting trial".  And then Tenpenny warns CJ to say away from Smoke and himself "Now you stay the fuck away from Smoke, and stay the fuck away from us. Otherwise Sweet is going to find himself on a Ballas block getting in touch with his feminine side!". 

Then lastly is the cutscene from the mission "High Noon" where (SPOILER!!) Tenpenny is about to tie up all his loose ends by finally killing off CJ and his fellow cop, Hernandez, who betrayed him.  And in the scene, Tenpenny angrily hits Hernandez on the back of the head with a spade and yells at him "YOU SNITCH PIECE OF SHIT! YOU VATO ASSHOLE! YOU SOLD US OUT!".  And Tenpenny get's into his car and Pulaski asks where he is going and Tenpenny sharply replies "To get drunk and get laid - you got a problem with that?!!" and Pulaski says no and then Tenpenny says "Good. I'll see you back at the precinct" and he looks to CJ and says "And I'll see YOU in the next life, Carl!".  

Faizon Love as Sweet, CJ's brother, is also excellent, and he stands as just about one of the only old school gangsters around, as he is sickened by all the drugs that festers his neighbourhood.

Faizon has some good moments aswell although his performance is mostly quite serious and dramatic he does have some amusing scenes aswell.

And to save time and making this post much bigger than it needs to be (than it already is!) I will mention one scene from the mission "Riot" where Sweet having met the wank obssessed English musician, Maccer (voiced by Shaun Ryder of The Happy Mondays) asks who he is.

So CJ tells Sweet "What? Oh, Maccer! He got a little problem he can't control".  And Sweet asks "What kind of problem?" and CJ awkwardly says "He can't stop, you know, giving himself a little bit".  And Sweet says "What, you mean he likes to consult Professor Hans Jerkov?" and CJ says "Yeah regularly!" and Sweet says a few more crude phrases for masturbation such as "Spank the money" and "Take Palm-ela out??" and "Burp the worm??".   

Clifton Powell is also very good as Big Smoke, as his gruff voice adds well to the character, as Smoke gives off the idea that he is an old school gangster, who is not into pushing drugs, but instead he reveals himself to be just that, as he takes over the gangs in the middle of the game.

Powell also has some good moments in the script such as during the mission "Just Business" where CJ and Big Smoke flee from a group of Russian mobsters on a bike.  And during the chase a car chasing them hits a bus and Smoke laughs out loud saying "I'll never dis public transportation again!".  And then later on Big Smoke shouts to Carl re: his objections "Man, stop being so negative! Focus on the good news!" and Carl says "Such as?!" and Smoke shouts "We ain't dead, and your trigger finger still works, fool! I think the gearbox is screwed up on this thing! I can't get no speed!".  And Carl says to him "Yeah, who negative now bitch?!" and Smoke says to him "Point taken.  I'll keep my mouth shut from now on!".  

Clifton Collins Jr does well also in his role as Cesar Vialpando, although it has to be said that his semi raspy voice does get annoying after a while and when he says "Hey, Holmes!" he sounds like he is constipated!

Clifton also has some moments such as the scene where Cesar takes his girlfriend and Carl's sister, Kendall out to the country to keep her safe from the city.  And in the cutscene Cesar angrily says to CJ "This ain't over, man. I did this to take care of my woman. But now I'm gonna head straight back home, and I'm gonna cap me some fucking dope dealers!".  And CJ warns Cesar not to go back or he could get himself killed but Cesar impatiently says "We already know who the fucking bad guys are, man, your stinking Grove Street brother Smoke, and those chota pigs Tenpenny and Pulaski!".  

Lastly there is the cutscene in the mission "Los Desparados" where Cesar awkwardly asks CJ his permission to ask Kendall "the question" i.e. to propose to her.  And in the scene Cesar says to CJ "While we here, I, eerr, I have a question to ask you" and CJ says "Yeah what?" and Cesar says "Well its....its personal" and CJ reassures him he can ask him anything he wants.  So Cesar says to CJ "OK, here goes. I want to ask Kendl the question" but CJ doesn't follow his meaning, so Cesar says again "No, holmes.  The QUESTION!" and CJ get's what he means and says he's fine with it.   

James Woods, who is generally great in anything he does, and he certainly is here as the secret government agent Mike Toreno, who manipulates CJ into doing work for him.

Woods has plenty of good moments in the story although I will only mention a few to save some time such as the one where Toreno finally reveals who he really is after putting him through some racing exercises.  And Toreno warns CJ "Do not be a fucking smart-ass with me!  I work for a government agency. It is not important which one. I will try not to confuse you. Yes, when we last met, I was involved in battling threats in Latin America, by any means necessary! That does not make me a drug dealer. Now, the money that we raised, the friends that we won over, have helped us immeasurably in our overseas interests".  

Woods has one of my favourite exchanges of dialogue in the game with CJ, as Toreno grabs CJ from behind by the throat and tells him "Got you again, Carl!  You're half asleep!  I could have killed you in 9 different ways.  Wake up and smell the coffee!".  And he let's CJ go who angrily says to Toreno "You need to lay off the coffee!".

And later there is also the scene in the mission "Vertical Bird" where CJ steals a jet fighter at Toreno's behest and after CJ bombs some ships in the ocean Toreno communicates with him over a radio.  And Toreno says to CJ "You see!  Child's play!" which enrages CJ who shouts at him "FUCK YOU, TORENO!  I NEVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!  I THINK I'M GONNA HURL!".  And after this Toreno teases CJ saying "Ooh, what a big whiner, you want some cheese with that wine? Hey, you were spectacular. You know what, I'm beginning to think my little Carl is a double agent. Oooh!".  And CJ shouts at him "Shut up, Toreno!!  Where do you want this thing?!" and Toreno says to him "What thing? I don't know what you're talking about - you stole it. Got nothing to do with me, I don't know what you're talking about. See ya 'round!".  

Peter Fonda is also very good as the aged hippie, the Truth, who is pretty spaced throughout the whole game, and he also makes some weird prophecies too, and at one point gets CJ to steal an advanced jetpack from a military airbase, which is one of the game's most enjoyable missions "Black Project".

Fonda also has some good lines of dialogue such as in his first exchange with CJ over the phone as he says to him "Carl..." and CJ asks "Who's this?" and Truth says "Its me.  The Truth" and CJ asks "Who?" and Truth says "Perfection!  They said you were a moron!".

Another example later comes in the mission "Wear flowers in your hair" which is set in San Fierro, CJ and Truth drive around to recruit guys to help build-up CJ's garage business.  And during the mission, Truth spouts out some weird conspiracy theories to CJ " Now what if I told you, we never went to the moon, JFK lives in Scotland with Janis Joplin and the only reason we've been in a Cold war for the last 45 years was because snake-headed aliens run the oil business??".  And CJ sarcastically replies "I think you popped another microdot!" and Truth says "Good!  Keep it that way".  

James Yaegashi is also excellent as Wu Zi Mu or "Woozie" as he is known to everyone else who is a mild mannered guy who just so happens to be the leader of a group of Triads, the Mountain Cloud Boys.  Woozie is blind but he doesn't like it to be mentioned in his presence but despite this he has highly attuned senses and he can still do things such as beat CJ at playing video games but most of the time his men let him win at games.

And in one of the cutscenes this is noted when CJ and Woozie are playing blackjack and CJ checks Woozie's hand, which is a losing one and Woozie annoyed says " Damn. You're bad luck for me. You know, when I play the other guys, I always win!".  But in another cutscene as Woozie does some putting in his office, one of his associates moves a glass into its path so he can hole it but the associate moves the glass away when CJ tries to putt.  And CJ looks on incredulously and says "What the....?!" and Woozie sensing CJ missed says "Aww bad luck!".   

Yaegashi also has some good lines too in the story that include the scene where in the mission "Mountain cloud boys" CJ and Woozie are ambushed by a Vietnamese gang who kill one of Woozie's Triad clan.  And in the scene Woozie shows another side to his personality as he becomes furious at the deaths of his clan and yells at the gang "THE TRIADS MUST HAVE VENGEANCE!!  YOUR MOTHERS WERE SLUTS!!!".  And after they kill off the rival gang members, Woozie says to CJ "Thank you, Carl, you saved me from having to kill them all myself!".

MC Eiht is also pretty good as Ryder, one of the Grove street gang that (SPOILER!!) ends up betraying CJ and Sweet and is part of the Loco syndicate.  Eiht has some good moments too and Ryder's character always seems to enjoy putting CJ down about his driving and he also spends quite a bit of his time high on marijuana.

And Eiht's good scenes include the one where CJ pays Ryder visit when Ryder is high as a kite on marijuana.  And Ryder, stoned, says to CJ " Hey, CJ, tell me why I didn't finish high school" and CJ offers a few joky explanations and Ryder laughs and says "It's cause I'm too intelligent for this shit. I am the real deal fool, oh, yeah. A genius!".

And in another scene during a mission when Ryder slags off CJ for his driving as they get and drive off, Ryder says to CJ "You drive, CJ - seein as you "Mister Driver" an all and CJ says "Aw not your shit again, don't give me a hard time about my driving, I ain't got the energy fot it!".  And Ryder says to him "Well don't roll the damn car over and blow us all up in flames then!" and CJ says "Aw, I ain't risin to your shit, man!" and Ryder says "Good! Means you'll concentrate on the road then!".  So CJ says "You love givin a homie a hard time" and Ryder says "Just tryin to keep my soldiers alive, nigga!" and CJ says "By naggin them to death???" and Ryder shouts "Watch the road, motherfucker!  Watch the road!".

Other notable voice actors include Chris Penn, the late brother of Sean Penn, who gives a fine performance as the corrupt cop, Eddie Pulaski, who it reveals always had a thing for CJ's sister, and in his final mission, where CJ stands over Eddie who is dying, CJ asks him "Any last requests?" and Eddie says "Yeah, can I fuck your sister??".  And this prompts CJ to say, disgusted by Pulaski "You're an asshole to the end.  Punk motherfucker!" and he finishes him off.

Jas Anderson is also quite funny as the annoying, talentless rapper and wannabe gangster, OG Loc who at one get's Carl help to get his rap career on the go by discrediting a popular rapper named Mad Dogg (played by the rapper Ice-T).

Loc has some funny scenes that involve things such as getting revenge over a former hispanic cellmate, who is pretty camp and says that OG "dropped the soap" when he was in prison.  And later after they kill off the cellmate, CJ drops Loc off at his new job, which is working at a burger joint as a "hygiene technician" and how it is "just a stepping stone to greatness!" as Loc plans long term to become a famous rapper.  So when CJ drops Loc at the joint, CJ says to Loc "I'll see you around" and Loc says to him "Like a quarter pound!  Later!".

However Jas's funniest moment as Loc comes when Loc quits his job at the burger place and he turns back and shouts at them from the door "Man, fuck you! And I don't care what you heard, I ain't nobody's ass technician, BITCH!".

Next up we have Danny Dyer who makes another welcome appearance as Kent Paul, the British record producer who get's lost in the desert out in Las Venturas.

And Dyer has some funny bits of dialogue in the game such as when Kent and Maccer are both rescued by CJ in the desert as they are both feeling worse for wear after taking some peyote. So as CJ finds them out in the desert, Maccer complains "I can't feel me legs, our P! I've wanked the use out of em!" so Paul with disgust says "Just stand up, you soppy cunt! We go through this every weekend!". And as CJ picks them up and they are chased by rednecks in a truck from a snake farm, Maccer says to Paul "This is a very stressful situation!" and Paul shouts "You're fucking tell me it is??!!". 

And Shaun Ryder also makes a brief cameo as the perverted musician, Maccer, who can't resist jacking off infront of other people!

And Shaun does have some prettu crude lines of dialogue that include the one where he mistakenly asks if Rosie (Rosenberg the lawyer that appeared in Vice City) has great tits. So, Maccer asks Paul "What kind of tits did this Rosie have? Small tits? Big tits? Or tits like a beanie or a saddlebag?!" and Paul exasperated shouts "Rosie's a man!!".

Later on of course during a recording session with Madd Dogg, Maccer is at it again as he wanks off in the booth much to the disgust of the others. So, Paul tries to dissuade Maccer from wanking again by saying to him think of Maggie Thatcher, which doesn't even work! So, in the scene as Maccer is doing it he shouts "I'M CUMIN, MAGGIE!! I'M CUMIN!". Oh God! (sick bags at the ready!). 

Cynthia Farrell also makes a great return as the psychotic Catalina (who was one of the main baddies from GTA III) and she get's some of the funniest lines of dialogue and delivers them with in style.

As for a few examples there is a line when they rob a bank and Catalina shouts at the staff "Hand over the cash or I'll blow your fucking face off!! Leave the panic button, or I'll kill your children too!".  And as the clerk sets off the alarm, Catalina shoots the clerk and yells "I warned you, you stupid bitch!  Stupid fucking bitch!  EAT MY SHIT!!!".

In one of the other missions "Gone Courting" Carl arrives at Catalina's hideout and calls on her and we hear her say "In here, mi amor" and he says "Ai'ght come on, let's go!" and she says angrily "You get your sorry ass in here, Carl Jonhson, or I will shove a fucking hand grenade up it!!".

Another example is when they drive to commit another robbery, Carl asks Catalina "What's wrong?" and Catalina says "Nothing.  I just hate men!" and Carl says to her "Well give me a break!" and Catalina says to him "Here's your break, you being at my barbacue and not being eaten!" and CJ says "Well that's one way of looking at shit I suppose!".

Cataline also taunts CJ about his manhood and his ability (or lack of it) to sexually please her throughout their missions, which prompts more putdowns such as "Tiny balled idiota!" and my favourite "You are a waste of good balls!".  And after they split up she seems to have a hard time dealing with it and she keeps calling him over and over!

Charlie Murphy (the older brother of Eddie Murphy) is also pretty good as the pimp, Jizzy, who CJ briefly works for but is really spying on him to find out about the Loco syndicate.  Murphy also get's some good lines as Jizzy such as in the mission "Mike Toreno" where Jizzy tries to calm down a hotheaded T-Bone Mendez by saying "T-Bone! Pump your brakes, baby. Take a chill pill, and just lay back and let the red mist fall, brother!".

And lastly there is the mission "Outrider" where Jizzy calls CJ to meet up with T-Bone and says to him "Well, my business associates, they need a little assistance. And I thought of you, friend. Meet T-Bone at the gas station next to the docks at Easter Basin. He's waiting for you in a 4-door sedan. Excuse me, partner, I got a call coming in. Arrivederci!".

Kid Frost is also good in his role as the hotheaded drug dealing associate with the Loco syndicate, T-Bone Mendez.

Frost's best moment comes in the mission "Outrider" when CJ is set to meet with T-Bone in a Sedan car but CJ can't see him anywhere so he get's into the car only to find T-Bone spring up behind in the backseat and he holds CJ at gunpoint.  So at gunpoint T-Bone threatens Carl saying " Hey, you a pinche jura or what?! You think you can mess with me?!! I will blow your head off, and rape and kill your family, you snake!! You think you can fucking bullshit me, and fuck me over?! I know your fucking game, ese!".  T-Bone then grills CJ further and yells "Who you working for?!" and CJ struggles and says "NOBODY!" and T-Bone let's him go and says "I almost had you, man. I almost fucking had you. Guacha! You gotta be careful in this business, man, you know that".    

William Fichtner who reprises his role as the neurotic drug addled lawyer, Ken Rosenberg, who was Tommy Vercetti's business partner in GTA: Vice City and he does a fine job here again.

And to quote one of Fichtner's good scenes, there is one in the mission, "The Meat Business" where Paul gives Rosenberg a few lines of cocaine to get him fired up again. So, after Rosenberg snorts a line, he shouts excitedly "Oh, ha ha ha ha! Baby, I'm back, I AM BACK! Let's get this show on the road!". So, Carl asks Rosenberg "So everything is ok now?" but Rosenberg says "No! Absolutely not! I'm still screwed! Absolutely screwed, but at least now I'm in the right frame of mind. What the fuck are we going to do? Any minute now, some Mafia bullet is going to splatter my brains all over the wall! My wall, my beautiful wall...".

So as CJ and Rosenberg drive to a meeting with the Mafia at the meat factory, Rosenberg expresses his desire to lead an ordinary life. So, Rosenberg tells CJ "I want to do something safe and legal and boring, with people that like me. And have a wife and some kids and get divorced and fight for weekend access, like everybody else!". So, CJ tells Rosenberg "OK, I'll see what I can do" and Rosenberg says while snorting coke "Thanks, I'm just so tired of all this life or death bullshit. (sniff) Oh, shit, shit's all down my (sniff) damned shirt, and everything. Oh, that's my best shirt too, doesn't this shirt look good on me?!". 

And last but far from least is Frank Vincent (who sadly passed away last year) who is great as the mob boss, Salvatore Leone and he is very much at home playing mob guys so he does a fine job here again in that role.

And Frank has some good lines of dialogue but his most notable ones come not long after CJ has robbed Leone's casino and a furious Leone calls up CJ and threatens to kill him. So, Leone yells at CJ "You're dead! I'm gonna fuck you, your brother and sister! You're whole family!!! You're ALL dead!!". CJ however is not worried and casually says to Leone "I'm sorry, Mr Leone but I've got some money to spend!".    

SOUNDTRACK AND RADIO STATIONS 

As for the game's soundtrack, well while it isn't as strong as Vice City's diverse soundtrack there are still plenty of great tracks to chose from here, and there is a big variety to chose from, and different genres such as rock, funk, rap, pop, metal, raggae and country.

And some of my favourite tracks appear from the radio stations Radio X, in which they play alternative rock from the early 90s, including tracks from bands such as Helmet (again GTA introduce me to them, still one of my favourite bands!) "Unsung", Jane's addiction "Been caught stealing" , Depeche Mode "Personal Jesus", Faith no more "Midlife crisis", Rage against the machine "Killing in the name of", Ozzy Osbourne "Hellraiser" and Soundgarden "Rusty cage".

Some of the rap tracks, which are naturally befitting of the period setting, are pretty good such as on Playback FM, which is hosted by none other than Chuck D of Public Enemy, who even plays a PE track "Rebel without a pause", as well as other tracks such as Kool G Rap & DJ Polo's "Road to the Riches" and Ultramagnetic MCs "Critical beatdown".

K-DST, which plays some classic rock is also a really good channel as you get a choice of songs from bands such as Creedence "Green River", Heart "Baracuda", Kiss "Strutter", Foghat "Slow ride", The Who "Eminence front", Boston "Smokin" and even David Bowie "Somebody up there likes me".  And another pleasant surprise on the radio channels was the K-Rose channel, which has probably one of the catchiest songs of all time on it, which is Jerry Reed's "Amos Moses".  Just class.

On the downside the there is only one radio station for chat radio but there are several radio programs that feature on the station.  It also has to be said that the radio shows themselves are a bit hit and miss but some of them are still funny and they also feature the recurring DJ, Laszlow, who has a funny interview with OG Loc, who get's very angry with Laszlow as they talk at cross purposes. 

Its also worth noting that some of the tracks were removed from the Xbox 360 version of the game such as Rage against the machine's "Killing in the name of" on Radio X, Tom Petty's "Running down a dream" on KT-DST and Utramagnetic MC's "Critical Beatdown" on Playback among others. This is a pity as it would have been good if the full original soundtrack list was kept in this version but I'm guessing it was for copyright reasons.

GRAPHICS 

Moving onto the game's graphics well they are for the most part fairly good but the game does however suffer from having subpar looking character models as the characters look blocky and under-developed in their appearance yet in GTA Vice City the characters models looked a lot better.  However I think this might have come down to the fact that the game itself is so big and has such expansive environments that the quality of the character modelling had to suffer.

However despite this, the game's graphics are still quite impressive when it comes to its environments, which look good and are pretty varied given the game is set in three cities, it covers a lot of ground indeed.  The game also makes good graphical use of its HUD (heads up display) for CJ's health bar as well as the stats for his stamina, muscle, sex appeal, body fat etc which in itself is a unique feature in the game.  Its also worth noting the game's environmental effects are also pretty good as it makes good use of its colours for sunsets in the evening or even the rain and storm effects are well done.  

I have to also say that the graphics definitely look better on the Xbox Series X version (based on the Xbox 360 release version) as there is a bit more detail and they look a lot more crisp than the PS2 version, which is still on the PS4 & PS5. 

So all in all despite those problems with the character models, San Andreas is still a pretty decent looking game for its time.   

FLAWS 

As for GTA: San Andreas's flaws....well yeah despite it being a great game there are still a fair few to be found.

So for starters, I felt that the countryside missions can take an inordinate amount of time for CJ to get to his eventual destination especially when he travels to meet with Catalina, he has alot of ground to cover from his original save point.  One of the ways around this is of course to buy one of the properties as a halfway house between missions, but that depends on how much money you have. This however is partly mitigated in the Xbox version by automatic checkpoint saves after finishing a mission.

Another slight issue with the gameplay is to do with the game's targeting system for weapons and you can find at times that CJ occasionally gets stuck or faces the wrong way when he auto-aims his gun at a target, which means you need to target them again.  This to be fair however isn't a big deal but it is still slight a slight annoyance that is worth mentioning. 

Another frustrating aspect early on in the game is the lack of money, especially in Los Santos where CJ has to make his way up again in the hood, and for all the missions he does with his homies, they don't even give him much if any money, especially Ryder, who is a real tight-ass!  Its not until the turf wars start to rear their ugly heads, that is when the drug dealers pop up on a every street corner, then you can make money by shooting them as they leave behind $2000 each time.  And its only really when CJ leaves Los Santos, when he meets up with his new associates that he finally starts to make money.

Another annoyance in the game is as I mentioned earlier on, the mission where CJ has to learn to fly, on the orders of Mike Toreno, and you have to undergo some training missions on how to take off and lane a plane, fly it through the sky, parachute from it successfully and most frustrating of all, do a bloody barrel roll, which NEVER comes in handy during the actual gameplay!

So, this brings up one of the game's most infuriating missions, "Vertical Bird" where Mike Toreno puts CJ on a mission which involves flying a harrier jet, and it is a nightmare to control the jet, and more often that it is far too easy to crash the jet into the water!  This level itself is often cited by gamers as one of the most difficult in the series.

And for me one of the most frustrating and annoying missions in the whole game deserves its place here, which is "Interdiction" where CJ has to do some dirty work for Toreno as he is to protect a chopper carrying cargo from enemy choppers that circle it.  And in the mission CJ needs to shoot them down with a rocket launcher but the cargo chopper can too often get caught in the crossfire which makes this goddamn mission a massive pain in the ass and I've lost count the amount of times I've had to redo over the years!!  And by the time I'm done with it I'm ready to punch Toreno myself never mind how CJ must have felt!

Ahhh but wait for it (and I apologise for this next bit).......there is another mission, which makes "Interdiction" and "Vertical Bird" appear like a picnic and THAT mission is "Cop Wheels".  Now to say I hate this mission would be a total understatement but that simply does not do justice as to just how infuriating it is! Its just a maddening pile of crap!

Words fail me on how annoying this one is and the premise is fairly simple enough, CJ has to steal four cop motorbikes in prep for their robbery on the mafia casino and get them transported onto a car packer on the very busy freeways of Las Venturas.  Now this might sound relatively straight forward but believe me it isn't and you only have 12 minutes to get all four bikes onto the packer or you fail the mission.  Why ONLY 12 MINUTES???!!  I mean why don't they allow for a full 15???!!  I mean that would help to give you a bit more time to get things done!

And not only that but your problems in the mission are compounded by the large distance between each of the bikes and also the big distance between you and the packer on the freeway, which is miles away.  Combine this with the police always on your ass for stealing the bikes and also carelessly but unavoidably crashing into cars or lamp posts or walls, it eats into your time too much and before you know it you are out of time, well either that or got arrested!

I'm sure there are other missions beyond this one that will also cause some major frustration (Vertical Bird for sure) but none as worse as this.  Cop Wheels is one of the worst missions in the game for sure and if you have any sanity left and enough patience you might just get through it! 

OK rant over!

Another problem I have with the game is how you cannot gain access to the Ammu-nation stores from the start of the game, as you can only get a crappy 9mm gun from the old guy, Emmett until a specific mission later on in the first Los Santos part of the game. This is a pain as you think it would be better if CJ could just go to the gun store and make his life a bit easier rather than rely on the most basic handgun in the game! You can of course kill other enemies such as the Ballas or other gangs to get slightly better weapons such as Tec-9's or shotguns but that's about it.

Then we have a similar issue with the clothes stores as you need to wait quite a few missions before you get a call from Cesar, who tells CJ that he needs to get himself some gang colour clothes. Now, its funny he says that because you cannot get the Grove Street outfit from ANY of the stores in the game! I mean you can get some similar green clothed items but you simply cannot get the actual gang outfit anywhere, which is a bit daft if you ask me but hey ho.  

As for some plot niggles I felt that some of the Truth's missions were a bit pointless and left things unexplained such as the missions "Black Project" and "Green Goo" where in the first one, Truth has CJ steal a jet pack to later use it to capture some green goo from an US army train.  Now, OK I get the jet pack part at least but its not explained at all why Truth wanted CJ to steal the green goo or what he intended to do with it for that matter either!  So for me this mission is pretty pointless and its basically an excuse for CJ to get his hands on the jet pack later (but don't get me wrong it is one of the cooler gadgets in the game!).

I also felt the same thing about the mission in San Fierro where CJ recruits a couple of mechanics for his garage and during the mission, Truth makes CJ stop and wait for fed cars to go by or wait outside a hospital for some unknown reason. Its the vagueness of the Truth's mission is what makes them a bit annoying at times.  

Also even though Truth in their first call, insults CJ by calling him a "moron" it has to be said the Truth isn't always that bright himself! This is especially true in the missions "Are you going to San Fierro?" where Truth lights up a joint and asks CJ if he wants some but CJ rightfully turns him down because otherwise he might crash the Truth's van! I mean CJ was already feeling the affects of burning Truth's hash fields, so he is not going to feel much better taking a spliff when he has to drive, so, yeah smart move, Truth you twat! 

Last of all, on a personal note, I have to say I really didn't like the racing missions in the game either as they are a real pain in the ass.  I say this because during the racing, its all too easy to crash your car into say a lamp post, which would delay your progress and you will lose your place in the race, either that or spin the car out of control and derail it off a cliff and into the water!   

And for me I think the worst racing mission of the lot is "Farewell my lovely" which is where CJ has to race against Catalina's new lover, Claude (the silent main character from GTA III) and it is far too easy to derail your car off the road in this race, which makes it a major pain in the ass to finish!  So I think its safe to say whenever I play this mission I can't wait to skip it and not only that if you do fail the mission you usually find you have one hell of a long trek back to the starting point again! Again however in the Xbox 360 version, this is solved by the use of checkpoints, which is a relief!

In fact further to this its worth mentioning in the mission "Photo opportunity" where CJ and Cesar drive out into the country to spy on the members of the drug syndicate named "Loco" after the mission is over, Cesar suggests they split up and he leaves CJ to make his own way back to San Fierro, which is a LONG way off!!  So that means that CJ has to jack another car simply because Cesar can't be arsed to give his buddy a lift! Ces, you are a dick, mate!     

Also further to this (and this is my last point on Cesar honest!) another REALLY annoying aspect of the game are the constant calls CJ gets from Cesar about pursuing Smoke's couriers that are transporting drugs or "yay" as CJ calls it. These calls feature way too often in the game and if you accidentally or even agree to pursue the couriers, it takes AGES to reach them as they go cross country! Also when this happens you cannot save the game at a safe house if you make the mistake of agreeing but this also happens on the first call you get about the couriers, which makes it unavoidable first time round. So, I would totally recommend to ALWAYS turn down Cesar when he calls about this otherwise you are in for a real pain in the ass of a time to get these guys. 
 
And last of all is an issue with the whole idea of CJ and Woozie robbing a Mafia casino and thinking they would get away with it! I mean its the Mafia after all! And later CJ even gets an angry call from Salvatore Leone, who is furious with CJ and spouts a bunch of death threats at him and how he will kill him and his family and CJ smugly tells Leone that he has a lot of money to spend and has to go. Now, does CJ really believe he will be able to get away with robbing a Mafia owned casino??? I don't think realistically he would have a chance against them and after the end of the game he is bound to get whacked! 

Anyway that's it for the flaws.

SUM UP

So to sum up, in replaying GTA: San Andreas, its still a terrific game overall, as its gameplay is varied and tremendous fun, it also features a superb cast, who all give great performances and again it features a very solid soundtrack with plenty of radio channels and tracks to listen to.

It may have some minor flaws and some deeply infuriating missions however for the most part, the bad points are outweighed by its good points and even after all this time it still remains my favourite of the GTA series.

So, I will give GTA San Andreas a rating of:

9.5 out of 10 

Right, that's it for now and I will be back soon with another review next month.

Till then, bye for now!

 

10 More Favourite Scenes from The Sopranos Part 2: 6 to 10

 

 

 

 

 

 

So now its time for the second part of my pick of 10 more favourite scenes from The Sopranos and we will see what scenes made it on the list. 

And I will give a warning below:

PLOT SPOILERS AND STRONG LANGUAGE ARE AHEAD!!!

6. "Free spirit, Janice! Rebel without a cause!" - Season 5 "All Happy Families"

Tony confronts Janice over Junior's mental illness. 

So, at No.6 is this great scene from Season 5 where after Junior shows signs of dementia as he wanders off during the day to find his brother Johnny (i.e. Tony's dad who died years ago) and is later brought him by police officers. So, afterward, Janice pays Tony a visit to let him know about Junior's condition but he is not interested and still offended after Junior said in front of Tony and his family that Tony "never had the makings of a varsity athlete". 

So, in the scene, Janice tells Tony that Junior wandered off and was looking for Johnny and Bobby, who is with Janice, says "He may have Alzheimers" and Tony smiles and says "Good, maybe he'll forget my phone number". Janice however tries to reason with Tony and says that he is the only one that Junior can relate to and Tony tells her "Fuck him. You reap what you sow!". Janice however tells Tony "You sure did. Do you think there's a reason why you're living here by yourself without your family?" and Tony smiles and says "Whoa! Whoa! You're gonna give me advice on marriage?". Janice however becomes annoyed and says "You know, there's a lot I could say I'm NOT gonna say" but Tony shouts back "Say it! Fuck it! Who gives a fuck?!". 

Tony then angrily says to Janice "Don't you think I don't see what you're trying to do here, Janice? Pawn this shit off on me?! You're whole fuckin life, you either shirk your duties or run the fuck away!". Janice defensively says "I didn't run away" and Tony reminds her "Savannah, Berkley!" and Janice shouts "I was 18 years old!". Tony however becomes more angry and shouts back "And I was 16 when you left me with our headcase of a mother! Who you suddenly relate to so fuckin well! Free spirit, Janice! Rebel without a cause! While I was left to mire in her bullshit, while you were off dropping acid and blowing roadies!" and Bobby looks surprised and asks "Roadies??!" and Tony says to him "Oh, you don't wanna know!". Janice then angrily says to Tony "Tony, that's not true! You, you tell him that's not true!".

Tony however then gets off his seat and get's in Janice's face and says with increasing anger "Poor fuckin Janice! She's so fuckin depressed! Poor fucking Janice, she's so tired from her Epstein Barr! Poor fuckin Janice! Vafuncul!". Janice starts to hurt and offended as Tony continues "Maybe you were the smart one as you got out here for a while. But then sooner or later, your hippy string ran out and you're gonna to do this man (i.e. Bobby) what you do to every one of them...". Janice then furiously smacks Tony in the face and shouts "FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!" and the two of them struggle. And Tony shouts at her "You're just like your mum! And you can do him what she did to daddy!" and in the ensuing struggle, Artie, who is staying with Tony tries to intervene but she accidentally elbows him in the eye and Janice screams runs out in a hysterical state.  And the scene finishes with Tony saying to Bobby "You want more responsibility? Start with controlling your wife!" and Bobby shakes his head and walks out.

So, its a great scene and one of my favourites partly because it is so funny with some great dialogue and again it highlights the tension between Tony and Janice perfectly and his resentment for her trying to pawn Junior's situation off on him and it definitely deserves a place here on the list. 

7. "40 grand on the stock market!" - Season 6b - Episode "Chasing It" 

Tony angrily rows with Carmela after he misses out on a sporting bet to make a lot of money.

So, next up is this great scene between Tony and Carmela, which ranks as one of their best rows in the series and one of the best moments from the Sixth Season. The scene sees Tony furious at losing out on making a lot of money from a sports bet as a result of Carmela refusing to bet her spec house investment money on it.

So, the scene begins with Tony reading a newspaper that reading "Jets bomb Chargers 42-10" and he shouts "God fucking damn it!" and Carmela comes down the stairs and asks "What?" and Tony shows her the paper and points to the sports headline. Carmela then says "That's good right?" but Tony trying to contain himself says "No, I only bet 10". Carmela says "But you won" but Tony seething says to her "What did I tell you? Its a sure thing!" and Carmela irritated by Tony's attitude says "You talk about this crap as if it was a science, Tony!" and Tony angrily says "I lost a lot of fuckin money!". Carmela then tries to calm him and says "You didn't lose!" but Tony trying to hold back his anger says "We could have turned your bullshit into a million fuckin dollars!". Carmela is now really annoyed and tells Tony "My bullshit?! That spec house was MY investment for MY future!" and Tony feeling lectured says "Here we go!". Carmela then continues "Ginny Sack had to move in with her fucking daughter, Tony!" and Tony angrily says "Again with Ginny Sack, huh?! John provided for her! She's a fuckin hysteric!" and Tony angrily shakes the newspaper at her "DON'T YOU EVER THINK I MIGHT KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING?!!". 

After a brief pause, Tony then continues to rant at Carmela "You and the furniture and the clothes and cars! You would have spent everything I made! If I let you!". Carmela then angrily tells him "You know what?! The next time you win, I'll take a cut and I'll roll the fucking dice!" and Tony furiously says to her "You already took your cut from bird feeder and don't fucking deny it again! What, 40 grand on the stock market! I'd ask for my piece but wait there's nothing!". 

Carmela gives Tony a disgusted look and walks off but Tony chases after her and roughly grabs her arm and tells her with mounting anger "And that spec house??? I made the down payment. I bought the materials. I leaned on that building inspector while you had your thumb up your ass! So, stop talking about your money!". Carmela angrily frees herself from Tony's grip and shouts "Let go of me you piece of shit!" and Tony says spitefully "Fact is your a shitty business woman, who built a piece of shit house that's gonna cave in and kill that fucking unborn baby any day! And now you can't sleep!". Carmela, really hurt and furious with Tony, grabs a nearby vase and throws it him, which narrowly misses Tony and Carmela yells "GO FUCK YOURSELF!!" and runs up the stairs, sobbing. And Tony shouts after her "AFTER I'M GONE, YOU CAN LIVE IN A FUCKIN DUMPSTER FOR ALL I CARE!!!" and he storms off. 

So, this scene definitely is a favourite for me and features some great acting particularly from James Gandolfini here but almost equally from Edie Falco as the two of them row over Tony's gambling addiction, it also highlights Tony the darker and meaner side of Tony's personality perfectly. 

8. "He said I looked like I lost some weight" - Season 5 - Episode "The Rat Pack" 

Tony agonizes over his decision whether or not to whack Jack Masserone at the Bing. 

So, at No.8 is this short but still great scene where Tony returns from having just met with business associate, Jack Massarone, who Tony suspects might be an FBI informant but he couldn't tell if he was or not after meeting with Massarone. 

So, Tony returns to the Bing and slams the doors and says to his crew "I couldn't tell shit! What the fuck am I? A mind reader?!" and he sits down frustrated. After a pause, Christopher asks "What's the next move here, Ton?" and Tony gives his crew a look as something dawns on him and Sil asks "What?" and Tony says of Massarone "He said I looked like I lost some weight". And there is an awkward pause as Tony's crew say nothing and Sil says "Oh..." and Tony looks angry and says "Motherfucker!. 

Then the phone rings and Sil answers it and says to the caller "Yeah?" and after a pause Sil says "Whoa! Whoa! Take it easy! Yeah yeah yeah. Hold on..." Sil then says to Tony "Its that Korean, Kim, something about your cousin, I don't know...". Tony sighs deeply and takes the phone and says to the caller "Yeah" and after a pause, Tony looks annoyed and asks "Its your fuckin linen truck, what do you want me to do about it?". And after another beat, Tony angrily responds "Yeah, ok, go ahead! Fire him! Put on the fucking street for all I care!" and he angrily slams down the phone without hanging up and we hear Kim's voice on the other "Hello! Hello!" and Sil takes the receive and puts it back on its cradle.

Christopher then makes a suggestion to Tony about Massarone "If Tony B wants to pick up some scratch, he could do this Massarone thing...if it goes". Tony however becomes suddenly angry at Christopher yells in his face "What the fuck is wrong with you?! THE MAN IS TRYING TO GO STRAIGHT!! DON'T YOU GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR COUSIN?!". Christopher looks away from Tony's glare and apologizes "Sorry, T. You're right. That was a great party the other night" referring to Tony Blundetto's homecoming party. Tony however says "Fuck him. Fucking guy is useless to me!" and he walks out. Christopher then looks at Sil and asks "Was that a yes on Massarone?" and Sil says "Tony's got his own processes" and Christopher asks "What's to process here?". 

So, its a short scene but its another fine one, which I really enjoy in parts thanks to the comedy of it from the phone call that Tony has with the Korean launderette owner, Kim, who Tony leaves hanging and we hear Kim's voice on the other end of the line. Its a priceless moment and also another example of the great little details that the show offers. James Gandolfini also once again does a great job at showing Tony's frustrations at dealing with different situations all at once. So, it might be short but its still a great one worth putting on the list.

9. "They're a glorified crew!" - Season 4 - Episode "Eloise" 

Carmine and his son, Little Carmine along with Johnny try and reach an agreement on a business dispute with the New Jersey family.  

So, at No.9 is for once a scene that doesn't involve Tony or even indeed any of the New Jersey crew but instead high ranking members of the New York family, Carmine Lupertazzi Sr and his son, Little Carmine and Johnny Sack, the family's under boss. And they meet as Little Carmine tries to reason with his father regarding a business development dispute between Tony and New York. 

So, in the scene, it takes place on a golf course and begins with Little Carmine and Johnny Sack waiting for Carmine to show up. So, Johnny says to Little Carmine "Anything you can do to change your fathers mind?" and Little Carmine tells him "I'm gonna try, John. I came all the way up here for that". At this point, Carmine arrives on his golf buggy, get's out and says to the two men "Did you put you sun cream on?". 

So, Little Carmine says to his father "You know, Dad, Tony Soprano came to visit me recently. I bought him dinner and we talked. He's an old fashioned guy, pop. Very allegorical. I don't think it was his intention to insult anybody". Carmine however tees off and plays a bad shot and he says to his son "You distracted me. I'm taking a mulligan" (that means take another shot). Little Carmine continues "I'm afraid maybe you backed yourself into a corner with this HUD thing. Your insistence on the 40 percent" and Johnny backs up Little Carmine and says "Remember, Carmine from the beginning. I thought 40 percent was a tad steep". Carmine then says "A real hardhead, this Soprano kid. And the ego! I tell you though when I first met him, as decisive as he is, I would have been proud to have called him my own son". And on saying this, Little Carmine looks pretty offended as Carmine tees off again and hits a better shot. 

Little Carmine then says to his father "He's a bit of a poseur if you ask me. Tony, he likes to talk the talk, you know. What did he say? His turf, his appraiser". However at this point, Johnny realises that Little Carmine is putting his foot in it and he tries to ask a question to deflect from it and asks "Did they re-sod this green?". Little Carmine then says "You gotta give him some slack. He's not boss of a family for very long" but Carmine then tells him "Family?! I told you. They're a glorified crew!". Johnny then pitches in and says "Whatever they are, Carmine. The Sopranos bring in a lot of cash. I've been friends with Tony for years". And Little Carmine further puts his foot in it and says to Johnny "On reflection, John, maybe that's the sticking post. Tony sees you as friends and not business associates". And this really angers Little Carmine who says "You see?! I hate this fucking shit!" and he whacks a golf post with his club and Johnny gives Little Carmine a look. 

So, its another great scene that also offers a lot of context to it as we see that Little Carmine is definitely not that bright and fails to negotiate well with his father and Johnny Sack also tries to hide his resentment of Little Carmine in the scene also. Not only that but Little Carmine shows great insensitivity towards his own son as he tells him that he would have been proud to have called Tony his own son. So, there is plenty of subtext here for sure and its a great scene for it. 

10. "I can't find Pussy anywhere!" Season 1 - Episode "Nobody knows anything" 

Tony despairs over Pussy's disappearance. 

So, at No.10 to round off the list is this great scene from the first season and the episode "Nobody knows anything" where Tony grows incredibly paranoid about who the rat in his crew is. And its a great example again of the James Gandolfini's powerful portrayal of the complex mob boss that is Tony Soprano.

So, in the scene it begins with Tony storming into the Bing and shouting about how one of his capos, Jimmy Altieri is the FBI informant, who met with Tony at his home. So, Tony shouts at Sil "Its fucking Jimmy! The rat! ITS FUCKING JIMMY!". Sil then asks "What are you talking about?" and Tony shouts "The wire! The wire! Its fucking Jimmy! I should have killed him in my basement!". Tony then asks Sil "Where the fuck is Paulie?" and Sil tells him "He said he's on his way" and Tony anxiously says "Why the fuck isn't he here now??!!". Sil then asks "What if Paulie jumped the gun?" and Tony puts his hand and says "Shut up. God forbid. Don't talk like that!". 

Paulie then shows up and says "Hey fellas" and Tony yells at him "Where the fuck have you been?! I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU ALL FUCKING NIGHT LONG!!" Paulie says to Tony "I was at my goomar's. I told Silvio I was coming". Tony puts his hand on Paulie's shoulder and with a deadly serious look tells him with real intensity "You answer me like I'm Jesus Christ and if you lie, may your mother die of cancer of the eyes!". Tony takes a moment and asks "Where's Pussy?" and Paulie tells him "I don't know" and Tony asks "Did you do it?" and Paulie nervously says "Tony..." and Tony asks "Don't fucking lie to me! Did you do it?!" and again Paulie says "No". Tony then grabs Paulie and slams against the wall and shouts "DID YOU FUCKIN DO IT?!!" and Paulie shouts "I SAID NO! Now get your fuckin hands off me!". 

Tony then let's Paulie go and he sits down looking wary but also apologetic and he calmly says to Paulie "I'm sorry, Paulie. I can't find Pussy anywhere! Nobody knows anything!". Paulie then calmly tells Tony "I haven't seen him since the schvitz. The last thing he said to me was "go fuck yourself". Tony then smiles a little and asks "Did he at least take the schvitz?" and Paulie smiles and says "He refused to take his clothes off". Tony then seems convinced of Jimmy's guilty and says "The rat...its fuckin Jimmy!". 

So, its a great scene and again a very powerful one from James G and his performance is terrific here and he can even deliver the unintentionally funny line of "I can't find Pussy anywhere" with great conviction. So, without doubt its a favourite scene of mine from the series and Tony Sirico also deserves much credit here as Paulie as he deals with Tony's anger very well and stands his ground when confronted on whether he himself was a rat. So, its a great way to round off the list.  

Right, so that's it for now and I hope you enjoyed the list and I will be back soon with another post

Till then, its bye for now! 

 

10 More Favourite Scenes From The Sopranos Part 1 - 1 to 5

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, as I have recently been re-watching The Sopranos episodes, I thought I would put together another list of my pick for some of my favourite scenes from the show. Now, this list won't be in order of  preference this time round as I will just list the scenes as they are without rating them. 

Irregardless (a Tony Soprano word!) let's take a look at what made this list...

And I will put a warning ahead...

POSSIBLE PLOT SPOILERS AND STRONG LANGUAGE AHEAD!! 

1. "Uncle Jun's in the muff!" - Season 1 - Episode "Boca" 

Tony teases Uncle Junior playing golf

So, first up is this funny scene from the first season where Tony indiscreetly teases Junior over his pendant for cunnilingus with his then girlfriend at the time, while Tony plays golf with Junior. 

So, in the scene, Tony keeps putting off Junior's right hand man, Mikey Palmice, while he tries to play to tee off. So, Junior finally snaps at Tony and says "Will you let the man tee off?! You yap worse than six barbers!". Junior then insults Tony by saying "If you'd had shut up during that Mountain lakes game you wouldn't have missed that fly ball! I was ashamed to face my friends". Tony looks offended by this but reminds quiet while Mikey hits his shot and Silvio complements Mikey and says "Good, Mikey. Better". 

Junior then steps up and tees off his shot and Mikey looks impressed and says "Whoa, Junior!" and Tony looks grumpy and says "Whoa, Junior what?". Tony then begins to tease Junior and says "Uncle Jun's into the muff!" and Junior looks a bit anxious and asks "What?" and Tony smiles and says "Oh, did I say muff? I meant ruff". 

Now, its Tony's turn to tee off as he steps up and lines up his shot and he teases Junior and says "What's that smell? Did you guys go to a sushi bar?" and Junior irritated asks Mikey "What is he talking about?" and Mikey says "I don't know". Tony then says to Junior "I thought you were a baccala man.What are you doing eating sushi?" and Junior annoyed says to him "You're fucking running off at the mouth". And then Tony teases Junior more by singing as he prepares to tee off "South of the Border...down Mexico way...". Junior now angry steps forward and says to Tony "Listen, my friend! At least I can deal with my problems. Unlike some I know!". Tony now annoyed asks "What is that supposed to mean?" and Junior says "Take it however you want. Don't bullshit me!". So, Tony goes back to get ready to tee off and continues to sing "South of the border, where the tuna fish play..." and he hits hit shot.

So, this is a priceless scene and one of the most memorable from season 1 and it definitely deserves its place on the list. 

2. "I'm the one that calls the shots!" - Season 2 - Episode "Toodle fu**ing doo"-

Tony confronts Richie Aprile at a mall.

Next up is this scene from Season 2 where Tony confronts Richie Aprile after Richie ran over a fellow mob associate, Beansie in his car, leaving Beansie a paraplegic for the rest of his life.

So, in the scene, Tony meets with Richie at a mall and Tony angrily walks up to Richie and says "I thought I told you to back the fuck off Beansie!" and Richie teases him and says "I did and then I put it in drive!". Tony however is not amused and angrily says to Richie "Oh, you think this is funny? He might never walk again! And for what? Because he didn't duke you enough? He didn't visit you in the can? When is the last time you visited anybody in the can, Richie? When's the last you gave a fuck about anyone but Richie Aprile?!".

Tony then warns Richie "You remember one thing and listen good! You wanna talk this old school bullshit! Here's a rule you might remember! I'm fuckin' motherfuckin one that calls the shots! Now you better pay me the respect that I gave your brother, or we're gonna have a problem. A bad one! Now get the fuck out of here!". Richie just looks at Tony and then says "Alright, Tony" and Tony looks angrily at him and says "Yeah, alright" and Richie walks off. 

Its a short scene but its still a great one that shows off Tony's intensity and how the tension between Tony and Richie begins to build, so it definitely deserves a place on here

3. "Sucks to be you" Season 3 - Episode "Army of One" 

Tony confronts A.J. over his expulsion from school. 

So, at No.3 is this great scene in the season 3 finale where Tony angrily confronts his son A.J. after he is expelled from school for cheating in his exams. 

So, in the scene, Carmela stands next to Tony and with a deep sense of disappointment she tells him "Permanent expulsion. I pray I would never see this!". Tony looks at A.J. with disbelief and says "Even I managed to get through school without getting expelled! Maybe its a blessing" but Carmela says "I don't see how that could be". And Tony says "The place was too loose! It was too easy!" but A.J. says "How could you say that? I got expelled" which prompts Tony to furiously shout at A.J. "YOU GOT NOTHING TO SAY UNLESS I ASK YOU A DIRECT QUESTION!!" and A.J. looks sheepishly away.

Tony then goes on an explosive rant where he yells "I work hard all day to pay for this! 6000 square foot house, big screen TVs, food on the table, video games, all kinds of scooters and bicycles, Columbia university and FOR WHAT???! TO COME HOME TO THIS???!!". A.J. then ignorantly says to Tony "Sucks to be you" and Tony slaps A.J. in the face, who runs away in shock and Tony furiously shouts "THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM! WE'RE STARTING A NEW REGIME AROUND HERE!!".

Carmela looks shocked at Tony and shouts "My God, Tony! The school guidance counselor said this might be a cry for help" and Tony dismissive, says "Oh, come on, will ya!". Carmela then says to Tony "She recommended a school in Brunswick that's for troubled kids" but Tony refuses and says "No more schools that fuckin coddle him! He's going to military school!". Carmela looks at Tony in surprise and asks "What?" and Tony says "Yeah from Janice. She was going to send Harpo there but she didn't have the money and it was too late!". Carmela then insists "I am not sending him away!" but Tony says "We're looking at those brochures!" and storms off. 

So, its a great scene that contains the most well deserved slap in the history of TV as A.J. is such an obnoxious little brat here that totally asked for it. Its also brilliantly played by James Gandolfini again as he rants and raves about A.J.'s failures to Carmela, which results in him determined to send his son to military school. And so this scene definitely deserves place here. 

4. "It was a fu**ing horse!" Season 4 - Episode "Whoever did this" 

Tony has it out with Ralph Cifaretto over the death of Pie-o-My

So, the next scene on the list is the confrontation between Tony and Ralph Cifaretto in Season 4 after the death of Tony's race horse, Pie-o-My as he suspects Ralph was behind it and its a great dramatic scene between two great actors in James Gandolfini and Joe Pantoliano. 

And the scene starts with Tony turning up at Ralph's door and he tells Ralph "I got some bad news. There was a fire at the stall. Pie-o-My. She's dead" and Ralph looks shocked and says "Wow, Oh Jesus. Oh, Madonn". So, Ralph invites Tony in and Ralph tells him that his son, Justin, who was badly injured in an accident involving an arrow being fired in his chest while playing with another boy, is recovering. Tony, however seems more concerned about the horse and says to Ralph "Lois (who works at the horse stable) said that the horse was still alive. It was burnt so bad, they had to put it out of its misery" and Ralph says "I don't even want to think about it". Tony then says "At this point, they said  it looks accidental". 

Ralph then says "What sick fuck would do something like that on purpose?" and Tony then starts to become a little suspicious says "Right, what sick fuck?" and Ralph asks "What?" and Tony says "Its funny how shit and fate like that. The horse gets better and we take out 200 grand in insurance in the race coming up. And suddenly there's fire". Ralph then looks at Tony and asks "What do you think I had something to do with this?" and Tony says "I didn't". Tony then takes off his jacket and says "You know what? I think I will have some eggs" and Ralph asks if he wants toast and Tony says "Yeah".

Tony then probes Ralph further as he mentions Corky Ianucci, who specialises in arson and if Ralph had heard from him lately. So, Ralph finally grows tired of Tony's questions and says "I don't understand you, Anthony. We got lucky. That accidental fire was a bolt from beyond. The horse was no fuckin good, with the colic all the time and the bills". Tony annoyed says "What are you talking about?! She bounced back!" but Ralph says to him "This time, but each time it takes something out of him! It was all downhill. Now, I know its tragic to think this way but you can't argue with the logic".

Tony then looks disgusted at Ralph and says "Jesus Christ, you did it! You cooked that horse alive!" but Ralph denies it and shouts "NO I DID NOT! But so what?! It was a fucking animal! A hundred grand a piece! My kid's in a fuckin hospital! I don't hear you complaining though, when I bring you a nice fat envelope, you don't give a shit where that comes from!". Tony then glares at Ralph in anger but Ralph remains defiant and says to him angrily "Don't give me that look! It was a fucking horse! What are you, a vegetarian? You eat beef and sausage by the cartload!". Tony finally snaps and punches Ralph in the face and the two of them have an intense fist fight that ends with Tony choking Ralph to death and he shouts "She was a beautiful creature! What did she ever do to you?!".

Its quite an intense scene and also a pretty good fight sequence between the two men although given Tony's size and stature you just knew he would come out on top here. And of course Ralph was not the kind of character that really would be missed by anyone. Despite that, this is a great scene from both actors and well worth a place on here.

5. "This is the second time I'm playing catch-up with you!" 

Season 5 - Episode "All Happy Families" - Tony confronts Feech at the Bing.

And to round off the first part is this scene from Season 5 where Tony meets with Feech at the Bing and confronts him over an organised car robbery at a Jewish wedding where one of the cars belongs to a doctor friend of Tony's. 

So, in the scene, Feech comes in with a box from his bakery and Tony tells him to have a seat and Feech says "Oh, this sounds serious" and sits down. So, Tony asks him "Did you have anything to do with that wedding takedown in Ringwood?" and Feech asks "Why? Is that a problem?". And Tony firmly tells Feech "I told you that doctor was a FRIEND of mine. I specifically used that word! Are you aware of how many things a fucking M.D. can do for us?". Feech then sarcastically says "Sorry, Godfather, he was at the game. I just thought he was another pigeon" but Tony angrily asks him "Who authorised you to do it? And don't call Godfather with that fuckin cute smirk!". 

Feech then after a beat, irritated asks Tony "I know I've been away a long time. But when did it happen, you gotta ask permission to ply your trade?" and he takes out an envelope and says "Here's your end! Be happy!" and he slams it down on Tony's desk. Tony then asks Feech "When were you gonna tell me about it if I didn't call you here?" and Feech, annoyed says "I'm here now! Telling you about it now!" but Tony points angrily at him and says "That's the second time, I'm playing catch-up with you!" and Feech asks "What the fuck are you talkin about?!" and Tony says "The lawn cutting!" and Feech angrily says "So, do I have to send you a memo whenever I move my bowels too?!". 

Feech then explains that Johnny Sack made a deal with to steal the cars and ship them whole but Tony asks him "Are you fuckin serious?!" but Feech stands up and says "I don't like the way I'm being talked to here!". Tony then reminds Feech "What did I tell you when you came to me, said you wanted back in. I said as long as you don't step on anybody's toes". Feech then is about to start lecturing Tony angrily "In my day..." but Tony cuts him short and says with increasing anger "And that's another thing, I don't wanna hear no more about how it was in your day! You just keep your anecdotes to local colour, like Dynaflows or the Maguire sisters, shit like that. Otherwise, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!".

Then there is an angry silence between the two men and Tony eases up a little says to him "Jesus Christ, Feech. I'm trying to ease your transition here and this is the thanks I get?". Feech then calms down and softly says to Tony "I'm sorry if I offended you. You gotta remember, Tony, I still think of you as a kid. I'll learn" and Tony looks at him for a moment and asks "Yeah?" and Feech nods and says "Yeah". Tony however then has a flashback to when he told a corny joke at a card game the night before and we see everyone laugh except Feech. 

Tony finally stands up and goes over to Feech and gives him a warm hug and Feech asks him "So, are we good?" and Tony smiles and says "Just get the SL-55 back, okay?". Feech then playfully pretends to punch at Tony who does the same back at him and leaves and Tony goes back and sits down in his chair. Silvio, who was present then says "Maybe I was too hard on that guy" but Tony sadly says "Did I learn nothing from Richie Aprile. Nip it in the bud" and Silvio asks "Feech?" and Tony nods and Sil says "He's well liked, T" and Tony says sadly "That's another thing" and Sil says "Well don't be too hard on yourself" as Tony wipes away a tear from his eye. 

So, this another great scene and easily one of my favourites from the show, which showcases again Gandolfini's great performance as Tony and Robert Loggia is equally great in this scene also as Feech La Manna and for me it easily deserves a place on the list. 

So, that's it for Part 1 and I will be back soon with Part 2.

Till then, bye for now! 

 

Doctor Who - The Talons of Weng-Chiang (Revisited again!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK, as we are now into July, its high time I did another post and this will be yet another revisitation of a Doctor Who story (which was also a revisit!). And the story is hailed as one of the all time classics of the original show which is The Talons of Weng-Chiang from the Tom Baker era. 

So, I will add a few bits and bobs to the sections to expand on them a little although they are quite well expanded as it is. 

So, with that said, let's take another look at this story and see if it still is a classic. 

STORY

So, the story begins with the TARDIS landing in London back in the Victorian times, as the Doctor and Leela (Louise Jameson) emerge wearing Victorian clothes.  The Doctor and Leela while they look around the local area, they hear a scream and they find a group of Chinese coolies who are attacking a cab driver.  The Doctor and Leela fight them off, as they hear the sound of a police whistle they flee, and the Doctor trips up one of them, just in time for a Sergeant (David McKail) to find them and he asks them to come to the station.

Meanwhile at the Palace theatre, a famous Chinese magician, Li H'sen Chang (John Bennett) is performing an extended run at the theatre, much to the delight of the owner, Henry Gordon Jago (Christopher Benjamin).  Chang however was accosted by the cab driver earlier on and he accused  him of putting his wife into some weird trance and since then she has disappeared.  After this Chang is called to the police station where he is asked to be an interpreter for the coolie, the Doctor and Leela caught.  Chang unbeknownst to the Doctor and Leela discretely gives the coolie a scorpion venom pill, which kills the coolie instantly.  Chang denies that he did anything and wishes them good night, but on examining the dead coolie's hand, the Doctor sees a tatoo of the Tong of the Black Scorpion, who were a dangerous political organisation who worshipped the ancient god, Weng-Chiang.

The Doctor and Leela then head to the mortuary where they find where they speak to Professot Litefoot (Trevor Litefoot) who is examining the bodies and tells the Doctor that the cab driver, was a man named Joseph Buller, who was the husband of one of the missing girls, Emma Buller that went missing in mysterious circumstances.  The Doctor finds rat hairs on Buller's body, which suggests to him that he was killed by a large rat, and that the god Weng Chaing, was the master of abundance who could make things grow.  On this hunch, the Doctor checks the sewers with Leela and they find a large rat, which advances on them, but they manage to escape just in time.

In the meantime we find out that Chang is actually a servant of the so called God, Weng-Chiang, who is in fact a war criminal from the 51st Century, Magnus Greel (Michael Spice) who is stranded in this time, and he is desperately looking for the time cabinet he travelled in.  However as a result of having used the time cabinet, which is based on an unstable form called Zygma energy, Greel is left hideously deformed and has to wear mask to hide his true features.

It also is revealed that the girls who disappeared have in fact been captured by Chang and taken to Greel, who uses a distillation chamber to drain their life energies into his own body, in order to revitilise himself, as he dying from the effects of his time travel.  Chang also in his task of trying to find the time cabinet is aided by a the small waxwork doll, Mr Sin (Roy Deep) which is in fact a homunculus (small robotic human) who came from the future with Greel.

And as things progress the Doctor and Leela eventually cross paths with Greel, as well as meeting up with Jago and Litefoot, who all pull their resources together to try and defeat the evil villain from the future, who if he finds the time cabinet again, it could have disastrous consequences for them all...

THOUGHTS 

The Talons of Weng-Chiang is without a doubt one of the real highlights of the Tom Baker era, the scripts, sets and performances are all excellent.  Robert Holmes, who was the script editor during the Philip Hinchcliffe tenure, and also wrote the story, has crafted a terrific adventure, which is creepy, menacing as well as very entertaining.

The story also succeeds in bringing together another partnership, with Henry Gordon Jago and Professor Litefoot, who in the story make an unlikely duo, but they ultimately help each other and the Doctor in their fight against Greel.  In fact in a way it seems like there is a peculiar trio here, a la Sherlock Homes style (which this story pays more than a close homage to) with the Doctor being Sherlock Holmes and Professor Litefoot being John Watson.  As for the gothic themes that were seen to be running now and then through the Hinchcliffe era, they really come to the fore here, and in this story Holmes and Hinchcliffe find the perfect balance of drama and fun and it was a great swansong for their tenure on the show.

PERFORMANCES (Warning: this section may contain spoilers!) 

In terms of the performances there is much to enjoy here as the cast are all on top form.

Starting Tom Baker who is great once again as the Fourth Doctor, and he provides his usual commanding, enigmatic and humorous qualities. 

And Tom has his share of good scenes such as the one where Doctor goes to the police station not long after he and Leela are attacked by some coolies. So, the Doctor in the scene is asked by Sergeant Kyle at the station some questions and he asks the Doctor if and Leela have an address, so the Doctor tells him "No, sergeant, we're travellers". So, Kyle says "I see. Persons of no fixed abode" and the Doctor corrects him "No, no. We have an abode but its not fixed!" and Kyle says to the Doctor "I can give you and the girl a fixed abode quite easily, sir" and the Doctor says under his breath "Flat-footed imbecile!" and Kyle asks "What was that, sir?" and the Doctor irritably says "It was nothing complimentary, get on with it, Sergeant!".

So, as Kyle says they have their hands full with all the missing persons inquiries, the Doctor impatiently tells him "Sergeant, that is all irrelevant. I have come here to lay evidence!". Kyle however says "We'll come to that in good time, sir" and the Doctor shouts " We'll come to that now, Sergeant. We've just prevented a kidnapping, a robbery or even a murder. My friend here caught one of the attackers. Let's come to it now, shall we?!".

Then there is the scene where Chang arrives at the police station where Kyle asks him to question the Chinese coolie. However, Chang in the scene quietly slips a poison pill to the coolie, who takes it and as the Doctor finally works out who Chang is, he announces "Got it! Li H'sen Chang! The master of magic mesmerism! Show us a trick!" and suddenly the coolie gives a cry and collapses dead over the table. So, the Doctor examines the coolie and says "Scorpion venom!" and Kyle asks "Scorpion venom?" and the Doctor says "Highly concentrated scorpion venom. It killed him almost instantly". 

So, Chang then denies any knowledge of what just happened and leaves the station and the Doctor having examined the coolie and identified a tattoo belonging to a criminal group known as the Tong of the black scorpion, he says to Kyle "If the tong of the Black scorpion is here in London you're going to need all the help you can get, now cut along and do what I say now!". And the Doctor's authority is so  strong, Kyle is compelled to obey him and says "Yes, sir" and he walks off.

And there is the moment where the Doctor chases Greel around the Palace theatre late at night and he finds Jago later on the floor unconscious and brings him round. So, as Greel escapes, the Doctor tends to Jago, who asks "Shouldn't we go to the police?" and the Doctor says "Oh, Henry Gordon Jago, then our reclusive phantom would simply vanish.  Poof!" and as Jago asks him what he will do the Doctor replies "Think.  Then have some supper!".       

And there is also the scene where the Doctor traverses the Thames in a small boat as he holds an old rifle in his hands and he says to Litefoot, who is with him "My dear Litefoot, I've got a lantern, a pair of waders, and possibly the most feared piece of hand artillery in all of England!  What could possibly go wrong??".  And as Litefoot says "Well that for a start, it hasn't been used for 50 years, if you try and use it, it might explode in your face!" and the Doctor replies "Explode??  Unthinkable!  It was made in Birmingham!".

There is also another amusing scene when the Doctor looks at Leela's transformation when she puts on a beautiful Victorian era dress. So, the Doctor says to Leela "I'll be proud to take you to the theatre lookign like that" and Leela excitedly asks "We're going to the theatre?" and the Doctor with a grin  says to her "I have an appointment at the Palace Theatre tonight, and if you are very good, I'll buy you an orange".

Another great scene is where Greel turns up at Lightfoot's place to take the time key for the cabinet from the Doctor.  So in the scene, Greel grows tired of the Doctor's flipancy and he shouts "The time key, Doctor!" and the Doctor says "Oh the time key!  Heavens to Betsy!  I'm always putting things down and wondering where I put them!". So, Greel warns the Doctor "I will give you three seconds to produce the time key or I will kill the girl...one...two...three...kill her!" but then the Doctor suddenly produces the key and Greel shouts "Stop!". So, as Greel urgently shouts "Give it to me!" the Doctor jumps back and says "Careful! I might have dropped it!" and Greel says to the Doctor of Leela "Give me that key and I'll spare her life!" and the Doctor tells him "Never trust a man with dirty fingernails!".

So, the Doctor insists that he will only give Greel the key if he takes him to the House of the Dragon and he releases Jago and Litefoot. So, the Doctor tells Greel "Tell you what, I'll give you the trionic lattice when we get to the House of the Dragon" and Greel asks him "What trickery is this?!" and the Doctor says "No trickery. You're holding two of my friends there. I want them released". Greel then asks "Two blundering dolts?! Why?!" and the Doctor tells him "I doubt you could understand that but that's the condition" so Greel agrees to. So, before they go, Greel tells them to bring the girl but the Doctor says "No! The girl stays" and Greel warns the Doctor "You would be wise not to press me too far!" and the Doctor commandingly says to him "Just lead on".

WARNING BIG SPOILER COMING UP IN THIS PARAGRAPH!

And last of all is the scene where the Doctor and the others are caught up in a fight with Greel at the House of the Dragon where Mr Sin has the Doctor and his friends caught in the cross-hairs of a dragon laser gun. So, the Doctor pleads with Greel not to use the time cabinet or there will be disaster "Greel, listen, if you activate the Zigma beam, it will be certain death for all of us!" and Greel weakly says "Lies, Doctor!". However the Doctor continues to plead with Greel "Listen, Greel! GREEL, LISTEN! The Zigma beam is at full stretch. If you trigger it again, it'll mean certain collapse. You know what that means?!". Greel however weakly says "You can't fool me!" and the Doctor shouts "There'll be a huge implosion, Greel, and you'll be at the centre of it. The zigma experiments were a disaster!"

So, after the Doctor finally defeats Greel by pushing him into the distillation chamber, it disintegrates Greel's body. So, Jago asks "But where was he from? Where did he go?" and the Doctor tells him "He was a foe from the future, Henry". Then suddenly Mr Sin jumps down and attacks Leela and then the Doctor, who wrestles with Sin and throws him to the floor and he pulls out the chip that controls him and he takes the trionic lattice and places it on the ground and says to the others "I'm bringing the Zigma experiments to an end". So, the Doctor crushes the lattice with his foot and then we hear a call in the distance of muffins and the Doctor says to the other "Its the muffin man. Come on. I'll buy you some muffins!". 

Louise Jameson is also fine as Leela, and yep she does look pretty fine in that Victorian dress (although I miss her sexy leather skins!).

And Louise has quite a few highlights in the story that include the scene where the Doctor and Leela are taken to the police station just after the coolies attacked them. So, in the scene the Doctor tells Leela to tell Sergeant Kyle what they saw and she tells Kyle "The man they were carrying was dead. They stabbed him through the heart!". Kyle however skeptically asks Leela "Really, Miss and how can you be sure of that?" and Leela firmly tells Kyle "I am a warrior of the Sevateem. I know the different sounds of death. Now put our prisoner to the torture!".

There is also the scene where Leela is interested in Litefoot's pathology examination of the cabbie who was killed and she says "You say you can tell the height of the attacker by the way the blade was thrust?  But when aiming for the heart, we were always told to strike under the breastbone!". Litefoot then looks stunned at Leela's statement and the Doctor grins and tells him "Savage! Found floating down the Amazon in a hotbox!".  

She also has an amusing scene where she eats with Litefoot at his house, but rather than use a plate, she sticks a carving knife into a cut of meat and she weighs the knife in her hand and tells Litefoot "Its a good knife!". So, as Leela starts eating it with her hands, Litefoot looks on awkwardly and Leela asks "Aren't you going to eat?" and Litefoot smiles a little and says "Yes, just going to eat" and he picks up a chicken wing and starts to eat it aswell. 

Jameson also has quite a few impressive dramatic moments such as the one where Leela is tied and placed in Greel's distillation chamber and she says "I will not plead, but know this: when we are both in the great hereafter I will hunt you down, BENT FACE and put you through my agony a THOUSAND TIMES!".

And clearly Leela struggles with the customs and social etiquette of the Victorian era more than Eliza Doolittle ever did!  And this brings to mind the story's last scene where Litefoot tries to train up Leela on the social etiquette during tea and Litefoot says "I would say "one lump or two, Miss Leela".  To which you will reply "one will suffice, thank you".  And Leela asks "Suppose I want two" and Litefoot firmly says "Oh no, no, no, no.  One lump for ladies" and Leela says "Then why do you ask me?!".      

Christopher Benjamin as Henry Gordon Jago, the pompous theatre owner, who has a large vocabulary and likes to act big, but at the same time he's a coward, who would flee at any sign of danger, but towards the end he plays his part in fighting the baddies.

Benjamin naturally has some great scenes in the story that include the one where Jago speaks to his stagehand, Casey, and says to him "I will look over those lugubrious lineaments at the crepuscular hour!" and Casey says "Eh???" to which Jago replies "See you in the morning!".

Another good scene from Benjamin is when the Doctor meets with Jago at the theatre and pretends to audition for him and Jago is very unimpressed by the Doctor tricks "Auditions start on Saturday morning, ten o'clock sharp!" and the Doctor continues to show some more and Jago continues to be unimpressed and says "Is that all?" and the Doctor says "No, dramatic recitations, tap dancing.  I can play the trumpet in a bowl of live goldfish!" and Jago wearily says "Don't bother coming back on Saturday!".

Another good scene is when Jago first pays a visit to Litefoot and he mistakes him to be Litefoot's butler (as Litefoot is wearing an apron at the time) and Jago arrogantly says to him "Kindly tell your master that Henry Gordon Jago wishes to see him!" and Litefoot protests and Jago says "Confound your insolence, sir, and announce yourself!" and Litefoot snaps back at him telling him he is Litefoot and Jago changes tack quickly saying "Why dash me optics!  I should have realised.  That brow, those hands.  England's peerless premier professor of pathology!" then he doffs his hat at him "Henry Gordon Jago are your service!".    

And lastly there is the scene where Litefoot and Jago are being held captive by Greel and Jago admits that he isn't brave when it comes to it. So, Jago admits "Well, I'm not so bally brave when it comes to it. I try to be but I'm not..." and Litefoot says "Well when it comes to it...I don't suppose anybody is" and Jago says "Well just thought I would let you know, in case I let the side down" and Litefoot smiles and reassures Jago "You won't, Henry. I know you won't".

Trevor Baxter is also excellent Professor Litefoot, as he plays Litefoot as a plucky character, who will stand up for a fight, and his scenes with Christopher Benjamin are great, and some of the highlights of the story.

Baxter also has some great scenes that include the one where Litefoot get's ready to finish up his shift are his autopsy on the body of the dead cab driver. So, Litefoot says to the Doctor "They were both poisoned, of course. One orally, the other intravenously. I understand you suggested scorpion venom?" and the Doctor says "Yes, in concentrated form". Litefoot asks the Doctor "I'd like to hear more about that. You're in this line, I take it?" and the Doctor tells him "I dabble a bit. Dilettante" and Litefoot says "Surely more than that. I got a zoologist colleague to look at our last cadaver. It seems he thinks it's the work of a rat, too. What an amazing night it's been!" and Leela says to him "Its not over yet".

So, Litefoot continues "It's been jolly interesting, wouldn't you say? Most of the corpses around here are jolly dull. Now I've got a couple of inscrutable Chinks and a poor perisher who was chewed by a giant rat, having been stabbed by a midget!". The Doctor curious asks "A midget?" and Litefoot says "Angle of the wound. Oh, upon my soul. I'm sure we shouldn't be discussing such things in front of the fair sex. Forgive us, ma'am!". So, Leela a bit puzzled asks the Doctor "Does he mean me?" and the Doctor says "I don't think so".

Another scene is where the Doctor, Leela and Litefoot ride in a carriage and Leela questions what Litefoot is doing as he smokes his pipe. So, Leela asks "Why is there fire coming out of your mouth?" and Litefoot out of surprise says "Pon my soul, hasn't the girl ever seen a pipe before?" and the Doctor says "There's no tobacco where Leela comes from" and Litefoot says "Sounds healthy, but exceedingly dull!".   

Another good scene is when Jago goes around to Litefoot's home but is not aware of who he is and mistakes him as a servant and Jago says "Confound your insolence, sir, and just announce me!" and Litefoot says "Consider yourself announced, sir! I'M Litefoot!".  And in the scene Litefoot decides that he and Jago should try and locate Weng-Chiang themselves and he says to Jago "If you and I keep a discreet eye on the theatre we might nab this fellow, should he return.  We might be lucky, Mr Jago.  And if we are, I have a few lumps to repay!" (referencing the fact he had been knocked out twice already!).

John Bennett is also very good as Li H'sen Chang, the enigmatic and mysterious magician, who obeys Greel blindly at first, but realises altogether a bit too late that Greel later deserts him.  Bennett also has some excellent make-up to make look like a gent from the Orient, which looks very convincing (despite the fact he wouldn't be able to move his eyebrows!).

Bennet also has some good scenes which include the scene where he arrives at the police station to help the inspector with their enquiries and the Doctor asks him "Don't I know you?  Aren't you Chinese?" and Chang says "I understand we all look the same!". So, after Chang discreetly passes the coolie a poison pill, which the coolie takes and dies from, the Doctor asks Chang "What did you do?" and Chang says "Nothing. What are you suggesting?". The Doctor then examines a tattoo on the coolie's hand and he says "The tong of the black scoprion. One of the most dangerous politico-criminal organisations in the world. Wouldn't you agree, Li S'hen Chang?". However, Chang pleads ignorance and says "You seem remarkably well-informed, Doctor. Alas, I know nothing of these matters. Most regrettable incident. Goodnight, Sergeant". And before Chang goes he turns to Leela and says to her "I'm sure we shall meet again. Perhaps under more pleasant circumstances".

Then there is the scene where Chang uses his skill as a hypnotist (along with his heightened powers learned from Greel) to hypnotise to a couple of female workers to come with him, and one of them is substituted by Leela.  And as Chang returns for them he grabs them both and says "Come!  I said come!  You painted drabs!  My master must feed!".     

Another good scene for Bennett also comes when Chang performs his live act infront of a full house in the theatre and he asks for an assistant to help him with a trick as the Doctor comes on stage, he asks him to step into a cabinet, but the Doctor is seen going out the back door as the audience laughs, Chang says "The bird has flown, one of us is yellow!".

And last of all is the scene where Chang is found in the sewers not long after he was attacked by a giant rat and he smokes opium to kill the pain and he is found by the Doctor and Leela and he says to the Doctor "I singular sight I fear.  It is too late, Doctor, and I feel no pain.  The opium". So, Chang explains how was a former faithful servant to Greel before he was dismissed by him "I lay there, Doctor, and cursed Weng-Chiang, my benefactor, who had brought me to this fate. Hatred of him gave me the strength to drag myself away. The rats had gone. I came here to destroy the false god. The last act of the Great Chang!". Chang continues "I believed in him. For many years I believed in him" and the Doctor says "It was a good act, Chang" and Chang says "Until he shamed me. I lost face. The whole theatre saw my failure".

And soon Chang begins to succumbs to his fatal wounds and says to the Doctor "Soon I shall join my ancestors. Already I can see them. They walk to greet me from the Palace of Jade. They are smiling and carry gifts of food and flowers. Now I cross the golden bridge of the gods!". The Doctor then tries to get Chang to tell where Greel's House of the Dragon is located but Chang dies before he can tell him. 

Roy Deep also makes a noteworthy appearnce as the creepy Mr Sin, the dimunitive waxwork doll, that does Greel's evil bidding.

And Roy doesn't have much dialogue except in the scene where Chang performs a magic trick on stage where he levitates a woman on stage. So, in the scene Mr Sin undermines Chang's tricks and says of the woman under his trance "She is asleep!" and Chang says "She it not asleep, Mr Sin!" and Mr Sin says "She smoked pipe of poppy!" which prompts laughter from the audience. And as Chang has two tables removed that appear to prop the woman up, Mr Sin says "She is lying on metal bar!" and Chang says "She doesn't lie on metal bar!". And as Chang levitates the woman into the air, Mr Sin says "She held up by wires!" and Chang then takes a sword and threatens Mr Sin by holding it close to him, prompting shock from the audience and Mr Sin shouts "Don't touch me! Help! Police! Murder!". So, Chang then stands back and sweeps the sword around the woman's body and says "You see no wires, Mr Sin!". 

And last of all is Michael Spice as the villainous Greel, who we never see his face until the climax at the end of episode five where Leela unmasks him, and we see his twisted features.  Spice plays a great villain, especially with his impressive booming voice and no doubt it would have scared many a kid back then. 

And Spice has his share of good scenes such as his first one where Chang meets with Greel in his lair underground. So, in the scene Greel is clearly weak as he coughs and moves slowly and he says to Chang "You are late!" and Chang warns him "We should not go tonight, Lord" but Greel insists "I must, every night until the time cabinet found!" and he coughs loudly. Greel then tells Chang "You must bring another linnet to my cage! The disease grows worse. Each distillation lasts less than the time before".

Chang warns Greel though as the girls keep disappearing there is the danger the police will get closer to them. So, Greel tells Chang "Bah. Those dumb-witted oxen. Chang, I have given you mental powers undreamt of in this century. You are thousands of years ahead of your time! What can you fear from these primitives?!". Chang then tells Greel about the Doctor but Greel dismisses the idea that he might be a possible time agent from the future "A time agent would not ask questions. A time agent would know!". Chang then tells Greel of the Doctor "If he troubles us further, I will deal with him personally" and Greel says "Very well. We're wasting time. Come!". 

And there is the scene where Chang brings two more girls to Greel's lair so he can drain their life essences to keep him alive. And Chang looks at the girls, one of which is Leela in disguise and Chang says "They're not the best but they will do. They're young. Their life essence is still strong" and he feels Leela's arms and exclaims in surprise "Oh, this one has muscles like a horse!". Chang says "I took what I could find, Lord" and Greel chastens Chang and says "I have given you knowledge. I have made you a leader among your fellows. All I have asked for in return is a few contemptible slatterns who will never be missed!". Greel then tells Chang to leave him to his work and after Chang leaves, Greel turns to Leela and says to her "I shall not keep you waiting long!". 

Then there is the scene where Greel activates the distillation chamber to drain the cleaning girl's life essence and Leela attacks Greel by surprise but is too late to save the girl. So, Leela manages to escape only to have Greel bang his gong to summon his large rats in the sewers and he yells "When my beauties find her, she will wish she died HERE!!".

Spice naturally has some good scenes in the story such as the scene where Jago and Litefoot stumble on his lair at the house of the dragon.  And he says to them when they arrive "So you choose to pry on the house of the dragon.  Unwise, very unwise!" and later he nearly chokes Jago to death in forcing him to try and tell him where the bag is with the time key for his time cabinet and then says "You will die later slowly!  It will give pleasure to my wolves!".

Another good scene from Spice comes when he finally has retrieved the time key and places it in his time cabinet, which runs on Zigma energy (which was said to be highly unstable and the result of Greel's deformity).So, Greel excitedly says "Perfect. Perfect! After all these years the function is unimpaired! Everything exactly as it was. The parallax synchrons fully charged, the strata tube set at maximum!". Greel then laughs maniacally and shouts "He was wrong! WRONG!! The Zigma experiment was a success!!!".

And last of all there is the classic line where Greel places Leela in his distilation chamber and says "Whatever it was there will be no escape for you.  Let the talons of Weng-Chiang shred your FLIIIIESSHHH!!".    

DIRECTOR AND MUSIC 

Moving onto the director, David Maloney does a great job here as he had already directed some of the show's most acclaimed serials such as The War Games and Genesis of the Daleks and he paces out the story very well here and keeps the action and story moving along nicely even for a six parter.  This was in actual fact the last Doctor Who story that Maloney would have directed, which was a pity given how great his serials were in the series. Maloney himself later died in 2006, aged 72. 

As for one amusing fact about the making of the show was that for one of the scenes show on the streets, there was one shot where a modern car was in shot.  However the production team where unable to contact the owner to have it moved, so they ended up covering it over with hay! You can spot it easily, as you see the shape of the car beneath!

As for the music score it is by Dudley Simpson, which is once again great, as Simpson, who by this time had been a real veteran score writer for the show virtually since it began (his first music score for the show was back in 1964 in the Hartnell era, Planet of Giants) and Simpson himself makes a cameo in the story as a conductor at the theatre.  Simpson's score has plenty of dramatic passages throughout and I really like the use of some of the organ music, especially when Chang is negotiating the bowels of the theatre to reach the sewer to meet with Greel.

FLAWS (Warning: this section may refer to spoilers!) 

As for Talons flaws???  Well its a great story but there are still the odd niggles here and there.

And the biggests flaws that can be levelled at the story is of course the inclusion of the giant rat, which is basically pretty silly, and is not menacing at all, as it just looks like a man in a mouse costume (which is pretty much what it is!).

I also felt that perhaps the story threatens choke itself on its own cleverness at times and the intellectual dialogue between Jago and Litefoot at times becomes a bit drawn out as they appear to try and outdo each other on who has larger vocabulary!  But that doesn't take away from the great chemistry they share as an unlikely duo involved in fighting crime. This is also in part probably due to the story writer, Robert Holmes, who collected dictionaries and loved to show off his flair for the language in his writing.

Another niggle probably comes from Greel's make-up when his face is revealed after Leela pulls off his mask as it might appear scary to young children (well maybe not today!) but it actually appears pretty silly for the most part, especially given that how can Greel speak so clearly given his twisted features! So, yeah I think the make-up is a bit inconsistent with how Greel could speak so freely given that his mouth is twisted out of shape but ah well. 

And as villain whilst Greel is quite effective, his ranting and raving does become a bit tiresome after a while especially as he keeps berating his coolies who are trying to do their best to find the bag holding the time key and he instead yells "You incompetent lice!  You mindless crawling dogs!".  But again these are fairly minor niggles and I'm maybe just nitpicking here (with the exception of giant rat of course!). 

Anyway that's it for the flaws. 

SUM UP 
 
So to sum up, The Talons of Weng Chiang remains one of the great classics of the original show, and one of Tom Baker's finest stories.  It was a shame that Philip Hinchcliffe decided to part company with the show at that point as his tenure on the series proved to be what quite a few fans called the Golden Age of the show.  And some might even say that Doctor Who was never the same again after that, which in a way it wasn't but then again, I guess the show had to be ready for a new tenure and new producer at some point. 

So, I will give The Talons of Weng-Chiang a rating of:

10 out of 10

So, that's it for now and I will be back soon with another post.

Till, then its bye for now!