Hellboy II: The Golden Army "Glasshole!"

OK, its post revisitation time, as I have decided to re-look at one of my posts from a few years ago and this one will cover the sequel to Hellboy, which is Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

So after 10 years, how does this film still hold up??? Well, let's take a look....

And the usual warning is coming up...

SPOILERS ARE AHEAD!!!

STORY

So the story begins with Professor Broom (John Hurt briefly reprising his role) back in 1955 who tells an 11 year Hellboy a story about war between man and magical creatures and how masters of the Elfland forged a golden army of indestructable mechanical warriors and used it to wage war against humanity.  However after humanity was devastated by the army, the Elfland king, Balor out of guilt calls a truce with the humans.

The story then moves forward to the present day where Balor's son, Prince Nuada (Luke Goss) declares war on humanity and seeks to find the three pieces that will form the crown that controlled the golden army.  Nuada finds one of the pieces at an auction and kills everyone there using carnivorous creatures called tooth fairies.  Nuada then confronts his father, King Balor for the second piece which Balor refuses to give to him as he doesn't want to start a war against the humans, which results in Nuada killing his father and taking the second piece.  However Nuada's sister, Princess Nuala (Anna Walton) flees with the final piece.

Meanwhile Hellboy (Ron Pearlman) is having trouble with his girlfriend Liz (Selma Blair) and with the BRPD having to remain under cover.  However during investigating the auction slaughter, Hellboy is attacked by the tooth fairies and he manages to fend them off and reveals himself to the outside world, effectively blowing his cover.  At the same time Abe Sapien (Doug Jones) accidentally discovers that Liz is pregnant and Liz swears that Abe should never tell Hellboy.

As a result of Hellboy's actions, the BRPD superiors are furious and send another agent to take control of the operation, Johann Krauss (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) an ectoplasmic medium.  Krauss now in charge tracks the tooth fairies to a troll market, which is a large city hidden underneath the Brooklyn bridge.  Whilst at the market Abe stumbles upon Nuala who happens to have the map that leads to the Golden Army and Abe falls in love with her.

However Nuada's sidekick, Mr Wink (Brian Steele) attacks Hellboy but is ultimately killed as Wink is diced through a grinder, which causes an enraged Nuada to unleash an elemental forrest god, which Hellboy kills.  However the public at this point are not happy with Hellboy as they see him as a freak and Nuada reminds Hellboy that humanity will reject him.

Later on Nuada tracks his sister to the BRPD headquarters due to the fact they have a magical bond with one another.  Nuada once inside the headquarters confront his sister and engages in combat with Hellboy and critically wounds him with his spear and with that he takes the final piece of the crown from Nuala and they leave together.  Abe however is unable to remove the spear from Hellboy and instead they decide to travel to the location of the Golden army which is in County Antrim in Northern Ireland.

On their arrival they meet a goblin who tells Liz that the spear can be removed from Hellboy and he takes them to the angel of death who tells Liz that if Hellboy lives, humanity will be doomed, and it is up to her to decide and Liz decides to remove the spear, which the angel of death does.  And from here Hellboy, Liz, Abe and Krauss go on to confront Prince Nuada and try and stop him from ressurecting the Golden Army....

THOUGHTS 

As a sequel to the original, Hellboy II: The Golden Army is arguably an even better film than the first one and it remains as a highly entertaining movie with plenty of laughs, actions and drama.  The film also appears to have a slightly more overt comedic tone to it and in a way it helps boost the film's appeal that it is fairly light hearted.  The film also has a more mythical feel to things this time round rather than the Nazis and science experimentation from the first film, this one is more based on folklore and it even echoes in ways Del Toro's critically acclaimed Pan's Labyrinth.

PERFORMANCES AND NOTABLE SCENES (Warning: this section will contain spoilers!)

Performance wise the film is again pretty good overall.

Starting with Ron Pearlman who once again is great in his role as Hellboy, the wise cracking, red skinned demon who despite his appearance is the good guy.  Pearlman has plenty of highlights in the film and as a few examples for starters there is the scene where Hellboy is confronted by Krauss as to what his flaw is and Krauss teases Hellboy by saying "Are you threatening me?  Because I think I can take you!" and Hellboy standing not too far away, weighing himself on a scale steps off it and walks over to Krauss and he says sarcastically "Sorry I didn't hear you from all the way over there!".

And as Krauss taunts Hellboy further and says he has one fatal flaw, Hellboy shouts at him "WHAT'S MY FLAW???!!" And Krauss tells Hellboy "You're temper. It makes you sloppy, clouds your judgement..." and Hellboy suddenly smashes Krauss's glass helmet with one punch, which causes his ectoplasmic gas to fly out and Krauss seemingly appears to die by collapsing and his suit shrinks till its empty.

This leaves Hellboy, stunned and he sits down and says to himself "Damn!" but then one of the locker doors suddenly opens right in Hellboy's face and he says "Oww!" then all of a sudden the locker doors keep opening in Hellboy's face and body (one of which makes an indent of his face!).  Then eventually the ectoplasmic gas flies out and forms into the body of Krauss, who tells Hellboy "You see you're temper, Hellboy. You better control it before it controls you!" and he walks off singing in German leaving Hellboy to say to himself "Glasshole!".  

Then there is the scene where Hellboy and Abe get drunk and Abe admits he is in love with Nuala, as Hellboy catches him listening to a love song and he asks Abe "You fell for the Princess?!" and Abe explains he never known anyone like her before.  So, Hellboy says to Abe "You're in love. Have a beer!" and he hands him a beer from his six pack but Abe says "But my body is a temple" and Hellboy says "And now its an amusement park.  Have a beer!".

Another good scene is when Hellboy takes on Nuada in combat at the BRPD HQ as Nuada holds his own sister at knife point and he warns Abe and the others "I will kill you, Abraham ... and anyone else if that is necessary!".  And then Hellboy walks in, still a little drunk, who says "Well, why don't you start with me?  You're royal ass-ness!".  And Nuaua asks him what his weapon of choice will be and Hellboy lifts his big stone hand and says "Five fingered Mary!".

And later as Hellboy takes on Nuada again, because Nuada and Nuala are physically linked, if Hellboy kills Nuada he would kill Nuala along with him, so Hellboy says to Abe "I'm not gonna kill him, Abe.  But I'm gonna kick his ass!". Then as the two men fight, Hellboy ducks underneath the giant turning cogwheels, which a part of the machinery that awakened the Golden army, and as he reappears he shouts to Nuada "Hey!" and he steps up onto one of the cogs and says "Some ride, huh?!". And as the two of them continue to fight, Hellboy finally defeats Nuada and get's him on the ground and says "Sorry, pal...I win...you live!" and takes the crown (that controls the Golden army) off Nuada's head.

And last of all is the scene at the end where Hellboy and the others are set to leave County Antrim where Manning has finally arrived.  And as Manning asks "What is going on?!" Hellboy says to Manning "I quit!" and he hands over his giant gun but a second later comes back and takes it and says "On second thought...I'll keep this!". Then after, Hellboy and Liz discuss where they should live now that they have quit the BRPD and that Liz is pregnant and Hellboy says "Maybe we can find a place with a yard. It would be great for the baby".  However Liz corrects him and says "Babies" and Hellboy, looks surprised and mouths "Babies???" and Liz holds up two fingers, leaving Hellboy stunned. 

Selma Blair does pretty well in her role as Liz, Hellboy's pyrokinetic girlfriend, even though it has to be said that Selma isn't the best actress out there but she does a decent job here (and she looks pretty nice with that haircut here!).  And Selma does also have some good on screen chemistry with Pearlman as Liz and Hellboy may make an extremely unlikely couple but somehow it seems to fit. 

Selma does have some good moments such as the scene where after Krauss has just arrived at the BRPD HQ, he uses his teleplasty abilities to revive one of Nuada's remaning tooth fairies. So, the tooth fairy once revived points angrily at Hellboy and mutters something and Krauss translates "It says you're rude, brutish and not very bright" and Liz looks up at Hellboy and says "Wow!". 

Then there is the scene after Hellboy shoots the giant forrest god, Hellboy is berated by the public, who hold him responsible for what happened and Liz defends Hellboy, who gives in and says let's go home.

So, in the scene at home Liz tends to a cut on Hellboy's cheek and when she daubs some wool on it, he whinces but Liz holds his head and says "Hey, you did a good jon out there" but Hellboy feels bad because even though he killed the forrest god, people still don't like him.  So, Liz says to Hellboy "I don't want you to freak out ...I'm gonna ... leave for a little bit. I need time to think" and Hellboy says to her "Why don't you just do you're thinking here? I'll be real quiet! I'll get rid of the cats!".  Liz however says to Hellboy "Red, why are you with me? Do you need everyone to like you? Everybody? Or am I enough? Think about it" and she kisses him on the forehead and leaves the room.

Another good scene is when Liz has a meeting with Manning and Krauss over going to Northern Ireland with Hellboy to confront Nuada in order to save him (and at this point Abe has the final piece of the crown that Nuada needs to ressurrect the Golden army).  However Manning and Krauss refuse to let Liz and Hellboy go as they have been ordered by Washington not to.

So, Liz in the scene, frustrated with Krauss and Manning says "Well, I won't let him die!" and Kurass says "Agent Sherman, may I remind you that I am the leader of this team!".  And Liz before she leaves says to Krauss "There is no doubt about that, sir. That is what you are, Dr. Krauss. And if ever you were human, that time is long gone!".

Then there is the scene where Liz takes Hellboy to Northern Ireland and the angel of death prophesises that Hellboy will doom humanity if he survives and she will sufferer worst of all and Liz emotionally says "I'll deal with it, now save him".  The angel of death then says "It is done.  Now give him a reason to live!" and he disappears but not before dropping the spear tip that Nuada had stabbed Hellboy with.  So, Liz quietly says to Hellboy, who still lies limp "Listen to me ...You have to get up ...You have to get up ...Because you gonna be a father" and Hellboy looks up and says "I'll become a father??".  

And last of all is a scene near the end of the film (SPOILER!!!!) where Liz takes the crown of the Golden Army just as Hellboy is tempted to wear it saying "All that power..." Liz says "Don't even think about it!" and melts it with her pyrokinetic abilities.

Doug Jones is excellent as Abe Sapien and he this time he takes full credit for both Abe's physical and vocal presence as the aquatic humanoid with psychic abilities.  Jones has some good moments as well such as the scene at the BRPD headquarters where there are many agents experimenting and trying to contain some wild monsters and the BRPD director Manning says to Abe "What's going on???" and Abe says "Oh its Friday!".

Then there is the scene where Hellboy, Abe and Liz survey the scene of the slaughter at the auction and Abe researches on the tooth fairies. So, on the radio, Abe tells Hellboy "They are toothfaires. Third century, the Black forest feed mostly on calcium: bones, skin, organs. But they do go for the teeth first. Hence the name toothfaires" and Liz says "I bet you they don't leave money either!".  However at this point, Abe bumps into Liz and his hand touches her stomach and he reacts in surprise and says "Oh, my God, Liz!  You're pregnant!" and Liz says in surprise "No, I'm not!" and Abe tells her "Yes, you are!".

Then we have the scene where a drunk Hellboy, hears the sound of music nearby at the BRPD HQ and he enters the room where it is coming from to find Abe playing what sounds like the song "Can't smile without you" by Barry Manilow.

So, as Hellboy opens the doors to the room, Abe quickly switches tracks using a remote over to a classical music track but Hellboy notices Abe holding a CD behind his back. So, Hellboy asks Abe "What's that?" and Abe awkwardly says "Oh, this? Its just the remote" but Hellboy points toward Abe's hands and Abe says "Oh, this..." and Hellboy takes the CD from him and reads it "Popular love songs?".  Hellboy then reacts in surprise and asks Abe "Abe, you fell for the Princess???" and Abe says "She is alone in the world. I wanna help her. I need to care for her!".  Hellboy then tells Abe "You're in love. Have a beer" and he hands Abe a beer but Abe tells him "No, my body is a temple..." and Hellboy insists "And now its an amusement park. Shut and drink it, will you?!". 

This is then followwed by the scene where Abe get's drunk with Hellboy and as they drunker Abe stumbles to get some beers from the fridge and says drunkenly "This is the last one!".  And Hellboy drunkenly talks fondly of Liz and says "She's it, Abe.  I would give my life for her... but she also wants me to do the dishes!" and Abe says "I would die and do this dishes!".

Luke Goss (best known for being in the pop duo, Bros) is also pretty good in his role as Prince Nuada, the deadly Elfish prince who is determined to wage war against humanity by taking control of the indestructable golden army.  Most of Goss's highlights come from the physicality of his fight scenes which are very impressive and Goss himself trained with Jackie Chan to master Nuada's fancy moves.

Goss's introduction to the film is also very good where Nuada pulls off some athletic moves and shows his sharp swordsman skills and he turns to his sidekick Mr Wink and says "They're over there. I bought them today. I haven't fed them, at all. I will go up first, you will follow. And remember Mr. Wink, don't be shy".

Another good from scene from Goss is where Nuada faces his father and tries to persuade him to reactivate the Golden Army and his contempt for the humans "The humans... the humans have forgotten the gods, destroyed the earth, and for what? Parking lots? Shopping malls? Greed had burned a hole in their hearts that will never be filled! They will never have enough!".  Nuada then says to his father "I returned from exile to wage war and reclaim our land, our birthright. And for that I will call upon help of all my people. And they will answer! The good, the bad..." and he holds up a crown piece that would partly revive the Golden army" and Nuada finishes "...and the worst!". 

Nuada's father then says that Nuada has gone crazy and Nuada muses grimly "Perhaps I am. Perhaps they made me so". So, Nuada's father says to Nuada that he has no choice but to have him put to death and Nuada says to his sister, Nuala "And you, sister, are you at peace with your king's verdict?" and Nuala says "I am, my brother. I am" and Nuada gravely says "Then very well. Death it is!".

Then there is the scene where Nuada breaks into the BRPD and he finds Nuala in the library and he searches for the book she has hidden the final crown piece in.  So, Nuada says to Nuala "It's in one of the books, and I will find it!" and he starts to look through the books on the shelves "Blue ... You've always looked so beautiful in blue!" and he throwns the book down and looks through more "Blue. Poetry. Love. Found and lost. Only words!" and he drops another book and he says determinedly to Nuala "I will find it!".

And then in the following scene, the agents and Abe enter the library to find Nuada with Nuala and Nuada grabs Nuala and holds her at knifepoint.  So, Nuada warns Abe "I will kill you, Abraham ... and anyone else if that is necessary!" and Hellboy then enters and drunkenly says to him "Why don't you start with me, your Royal Ass-ness!" and Nuada asks him "And your weapon of choice?" and Hellboy raises his big fist and says "Five-fingered Mary!".  So, as the two of them fight, Nuada asks if Nuala will give him the crown piece but she refuses.  And as Hellboy turns his back on Nuada, he stabs Hellboy in the chest with his spear and he tells Hellboy "You may have mused in the past "am I mortal?". You are now!". 

Seth MacFarlane also provides an amusing vocal performance as the ectoplasmic medium that is Johan Krauss and Seth clearly has much fun with his character's German accent.

And Seth's notable scenes include the one where Krauss taunts Hellboy and says to him "You will learn to obey me, follow protocol and stay fock-yused at all times!" which prompts Hellboy to say "That word "fock-yused" with your accent?  I wouldn't use that!".

Krauss then tells Hellboy that he knew Hellboy's adopted father, Professor Broom, which angers Hellboy, who warns Krauss "Hey, gasbag! Stop it!".  Krauss then says to Hellboy "Are you threatening me? Because I think I can take you" and Hellboy, trying to contain himself, walks threateningly over to Krauss says "Excuse me? Sorry, I couldn't hear you form all the way over there".  Krauss then says "I think I can take you, because you have one fatal flaw" and Hellboy says "I wanna hear it" and Krauss laughs and says "No, you can't take criticism" and Hellboy says "Try me". Krauss then teasingly taps Hellboy on the chest and says "Can't take it!" and Hellboy finally snaps and shouts "WHAT'S MY FLAW???!!" and Krauss tells him "You're temper! It get's the better of you. Makes you weak! Makes you vulnerable!" which prompts Hellboy to punch Krauss's helmet, which cracks open and all his gas flies out and his suit collapses and shrinks down.  

So, Hellboy sits down in shock and says to himself "Damn!" but then Krauss uses his ectoplasmic nature to repeatedly hit Hellboy with the locker doors.  Krauss then finally reforms his body in gaseous form and and he says to Hellboy "There we are. Your temper, it makes you sloppy. Try to control it, Agent Hellboy. Before it controls you!". Krass then cheerfully walks off singing in German, leaving Hellboy to frown and says "Glasshole!".  

Another good scene is when Krauss decides to help Liz and Hellboy go to Northern Ireland to confront Nuada. So, Krauss tells Liz "You say I'm not human anymore, but you're wrong. I understand your pain all too well. A long time ago I lost the woman I loved. It was in fact the source of my present misfortune. I will tell you about it one day. But for now the tactical advantage is ours! Consider this - the prince lacks the crown piece, and without it his army poses no threat".  So, Liz asks Krauss "So, we have clearance then?" and Krauss tells her "Liz, screw the clearance! We will take that plane!" and Liz smiles. 

And lastly there is the last scene of the film where Hellboy, Liz and Krauss pepare to leave Northne Ireland and they all tell Manning, who has just shown up, that they all quit the BRPD.  So, Krauss says to Manning " Dr. Manning, suck my ectoplasmic schwanzstucker!" and walks off. 

Jeffrey Tambor is great in his reprised role as the BRPD director, Tom Manning who has a tough time trying to control Hellboy's antics.  And in Manning in one scene expresses his annoyance to Abe ""Undercover." Can't he get the meaning of the word? I mean, we are still government-funded, we are still a secret, although a dirty secret, if you ask me. Officially, we-do-not-exist. So, you see, that's the problem when we get these!".  And Manning shows Abe a photo of Hellboy posing giving a "peace" sign "And he posed for this one, and gave an autograph. I suppress each photo, cell phone videos, they cost me a fortune, and then they show up on Youtube... God, I hate Youtube!".

Another good scene is when Manning advises Hellboy, who is on his way to the scene of the auction massacre to stay out of sight from the public and to persuade him to do so, he gives him some rare Cuban cigars.

So, Manning says to Hellboy "I know you dream of the outside world, but trust me, it's not that great" and then he presents a case of cigars to Hellboy "These on the other hand, are good...Cuban" and Hellboy looks at them longlingly.  Manning dangling them essentially like a carrot, says to Hellboy "Being seen...bad".  Manning then says "I confiscated a box of these. I get you some more. But you got do me a little favor. Tonight out there, you have to be very, very..." and Hellboy says "Discreet".  So, Manning hands over one cigar to Hellboy, who says "Like a shadow..." and he then says, to get another "Like a shadow in the night" and Manning gives another.

And lastly there is the scene where Manning and the others are awaiting the arrival of Krauss to the BRPD to oversee things and keep an eye on Hellboy after he made himself go public.  So, Manning tells Hellboy and the others what he knows about Krauss from a file he holds "His name is Johann Krauss" and Hellboy, warily says "Krauss?? He sounds German".  Manning then reads from the file "He is a top man in ectoplasmic research. Comes highly recommended from our European liaison". Manning smiles to himself and says "Liaison, I love that word, don't you?  Its so hoity toity!". Manning continues to read "No fingerprints. No photos.  Dossier says and I translate "he has a nice...open face".  And then we see Krauss descend in the elevator and the others all gasp at his appearance as we see Krauss in what appears to be almost a diving suit and has a glass helmet for a face and Manning reacts in shock and says "Oh, my God!".

And lastly I will mention Anna Walton who provides a nice performance as the Princess Nuala who falls in love with Abe although ultimately its a tragic and rather doomed relationship.

But I will only mention one of her scenes for space on this already big post(!) and its the one where Abe awkwardly speaks to Nuala in the library at the BRPD HQ. So, Nuala in the scene reads from a book as Abe enters and she says "I borrowed this book. I hope you don't mind" and Abe says to her "No, no, please. This is your home now. You are safe here". Nuala however tells Abe "My brother will find me. He always does" and Abe says to her "How could he? Our location is highly classified secret".  Nuala however says "Yes, but I know it now, which means that he does too. We are twins. Even as children a link has bound us, one to the other. Something I cannot explain".

Nuala then says to Abe "You were very brave, vouching for me. How did you know I am not the enemy, bringing me here" and Abe tells her "Maybe from what you were saying now. From intuition...maybe a link...".  Abe then rather awkwardly says to Nuala "Normally I'm able to read up this quite quickly, but I've never met anyone like you" and Nuala says "Nor I like you" and then share a little awkward moment of silence and Nuala then says "Good night, Abraham".

DIRECTOR AND MUSIC 

Finally getting onto the film's director, Guillermo Del Toro does another excellent job here and once again he confidently handles the film's action and also provides a nice mix of fun, suspense and drama.  Del Toro also does well with adding the elements of fantasy to the story and it gives the sequel a different feel than the first film.

Its a pity however that Del Toro will not return to direct the long-awaited next Hellboy film, which will actually be a reboot of the series that will instead be directed by Neill Marshall and will be given an R rating instead of Hellboy's PG-13/12 rating. Nor will Ron Pearlman return to the role of Hellboy either for that matter, which is also a pity in a way as he was perfect for the part.  

And lastly the music score by Danny Elfman is quite good but in typical Elfman style it is a bit too loud and overbearing at times as he scores can tend to do.  However its still a pleasant enough score, which is well suited to the tone of the film with its elements of suspense, drama and of course comedy. 

FLAWS (Warning: this section may contain spoilers!)

So as for Hellboy II's flaws........... well there isn't anything too major to moan about but there are one or two minor niggles.  First of all I felt that the scene where Hellboy and Abe get drunk that whilst it is funny when they sing Barry Manilow's "Can't smile without you" together its a bit cringeworthy and all of sudden we've stepped out of the Hellboy film into some kind of weird music video!  And it certainly is the one moment in the film where the movie does not benefit from its usage.

Another issue I had was to do with the scene where the tooth fairies attack Hellboy and Abe and they nibble at them only a little bit but the expandable agents on the other hand get eaten whole!  And it seems a bit strange how the tooth fairies will attack Hellboy and Abe so little, basically because they are the main characters in the film!  So, its basically like the whole Star Trek TV show thing of the expandable Enterprise crewmembers, wearing the red outfits, end up getting killed off! 

I also found it strange why the public would turn against Hellboy so quickly, just after he destroyed the forrest god, yet he was the one that saved them all from it in the first place! Its a pretty daft scene in itself, and serves to highlight I guess that they see Hellboy just as a freak that can't be trusted, yet the guy does everything to save everyone from being killed by whatever evil supernatural forces are out there!

Then there is of course the whole concept of Liz's pyrotechnic abilities, which is a perfectly fine ability to have within a superhero film but my main gripe is, how does Liz's clothes not burn off when she uses her fire??! Not unless she is fitted with special fireproof clothing, or she has the ability to control the fire in a way that doesn't burn up clothes, which is impossible in itself but at the same time probably the only real way (within the context of the film!) it would be the case.

And lastly there is the scene where Liz prepares to leave for Ireland in one of the BRPD's planes without the clearance from Washington. Now, yeah OK I accept that Liz would go over her superiors heads in order to save Hellboy, but I did find it daft that they would start up the plane before they got on it, as the noise of it is pretty defeaning and would easily serve to alarm the BRPD team! 

Anyway that's it for the flaws.

SUM UP 

So, that's it for my re-look at Hellboy II: The Golden Army which is even better than the original film as it is a very enjoyable follow up, featuring a fine cast on good form, solid direction by Guillermo Del Toro, amazing sets and visuals and also a pretty good score by Danny Elfman.  Its just a pity that Del Toro and Ron Pearlman won't be returning for the next one, which will be as I said, a reboot rather than a sequel but we will just wait and see how that one goes. 

Right, so that's it for now and I will be back soon with another post of sorts.

Till then, its bye for now!