OK so its time for the 2nd part of my look at my top 10 favourite Peep Show episodes and this will cover the top 5. So let's without further ado let's take a close peep.....
Oh and again as a warning there will be some strong language and SPOILERS AHEAD!
5. Seasonal beatings (Series 7)
Right so at No.5 is this episode from the seventh series "Seasonal beatings" which is a Christmas episode where Mark invites his parents and his sister, Sarah, around for Christmas dinner but things don't go so well or according to plan. And this episode has plenty of funny moments where Mark has to deal with his cold and domineering father and Jez, who for once has actually been very generous with the presents and even preparing the food and also try to stave off sexual advances from Sarah.
As for the some of the best scenes they include the one where Jez pretends he didn't get a turkey as a joke, which causes Mark to go ballistic at him. And Mark yells at Jez "You what? No turkey?! You fucking idiot, Jeremy! You total fucking idiot! That was your job, you fucking moron! You cretin! You're a fuckhead! That's what you are! A fucking shithead!". And Jez, shocked at Mark's outburst quietly says "It was a joke, Mark. A Christmas joke. Of course I got a turkey. Its an organic turkey. I took ages research it online" and he shows the turkey to Mark who is suddenly apologetic and Jez says of Mark's behaviour "That wasn't very Christmassy!".
Then there are the scenes where Mark has to confront his dad who bosses him about and makes several put downs about his son and also even his girlfriend, Dobby although Mark pretends to his parent that she is just his friend. And they also poke fun at Jez by saying every time something goes wrong they did a "Jezz" and Jez, not so amused at one point has to answer the door and says "I'll see who that is. Let's hope I don't Jezz it or do a big Mark in my pants!".
And at that point Super Hans turns up and is invited in after Sarah clocks him at the door, much to the disapproval of Mark who says to Jez "Its your fault" and Jez says "Its not my fault. I was holding the line" and Mark says "Yes, but you do know him. You shouldn't KNOW him!" and Jez says "Well, I'm sorry but I do know him".
So as Christmas dinner get's under way, things get even more tense and uncomfortable as Mark's Dad starts the putdowns and the bullying of Mark right until he insults Dobby when Mark reveals that she is his girlfriend and his dad says "Could you not put a nozzle on your woman, Mark?!" which prompts Dobby to leave saying "Thank you, this is all been horrible!".
After Dobby leaves, Mark get's very angry with his dad and stands up to him at last after his dad says "You can do alot better than that Marco" and Mark angrily says "Well, no, actually, because she's great and thanks to you I'm a dick, so I was punching well above my weight!". So Mark starts to feed ham through his dad's old shredder, which was given to Mark as a present and Mark also pours gravy over the shredder too, which causes his dad to relent and admit defeat to his son, leaving Mark delighted with himself. And he announces to everyone " Right, Hans, pour my mother a massive drink.Jeremy, turn on Ratatouille. Sarah, crack open the Pictionary. Merry ChristMark, everyone!".
So "Seasonal beatings" certainly deserves a place in the top five as its alot fun and its uncomfortable family moments and the battle of wits between Mark and his dad aswell as Jez successfully turning down sexual advances from a woman for the first time in his life (i.e. Mark's sister, Sarah, who he previously had a thing with) makes this one a real laugh.
4. Quantocking (Series 3)
At No.4 is Quantocking which is the one where Mark plans to propose to Sophie by taking her on a romantic weekend to the Quantocks but it all goes horribly awry for them as all they do is bicker and argue. Not only that, Jez also invites himself along with Super Hans who is insists that he is giving up the drugs and the booze but Jez has to resort to tying Hans to a bed so he can go cold turkey but Big Suze out of the blue asks if she can come along.
The episode has plenty of good moments that include the scene where Mark and Sophie argue over trying to find a restuarant in the Quantocks. And Sophie keeps knocking back Mark's suggestions to the point where he angrily narrates to himself "No, no! I don't know what your inexpressible criteria are. Why don't you tell me the secret FUCKING formula?!". And as they continue to argue, Sophie grabs Mark's tour guide book and throws it into a mailbox and says "Oh, Mark, will you try and leave the guides out of it, and try and experience this bloody town!". So Mark narrates "I suppose I'm supposed to find 'that incredibly charming and French. Well, it's not, it's a waste of £8.99!".
Meanwhile Jez invites Super Hans on the holiday weekend and Hans says he is quitting his drug-induced lifestyle. And Super Hans says to Jez "Kicking everything, from the PCP to the lattes.
Going straight edge!" and Jez narrates "I'll give him about five minutes!". And later on at the hotel in the Quantocks, Super Hans is tied to a bed as he is going cold turkey he is desparate to have some drugs. And Jez notices Hans trying to roll a splif with his feet and Jez says to him "Super Hans, are you try to skin up with your feet again? Because it doesn't work, does it? It just makes a mess!".
And later after dinner, Sophie has gone missing, so Mark asks Jez for help to find her on the moors but they end up getting a bit lost and Mark carries some emergency chocolate for them to eat but doesn't let on he has an emergency Twix! And as they talk Jez asks Mark why he is so keen to propose to her as it seems they haven't been getting on well with each other.
So Mark says to Jez "but, you know, she's funny. Although, now I wonder whether she really WAS funny or whether she was just being normal, but I liked her so much I thought she was funny" and Jez says "Oh yeah, I know that one!". So Mark then says "It's almost like the more we've got to know each other, the worse it's been. We really have almost nothing in common" and Jez says to Mark "Well, maybe that's a sign??" and this prompts a dawning realisation from Mark "Oh, my God, I! I don't have to marry her! Jez, I'm not going to ask her to marry me!".
Later on though Jez makes it back to the hotel on his own as they split up and he finally get's together with Big Suze and he gives Super Hans what he wants the most, some drugs. So Jez says to Hans "How are you doing? I just wondered whether you still wanted some drugs?" and Hans, sweating from his cold turkey says "I'm over the hump, but yeah I'd love some drugs". So Jez produces a bag of drugs and takes it to a frisbee and says "OK. This is a big bag of drugs. All I'm gonna do is just tape it on here like this, and then, you know Have fun!" and he chucks the frisbee out the door. And Super Hans runs after the drugs excitedly shouting "Drugs! Drugs!".
Meanwhile for Mark things take another unexpected turn as he finally makes his way back to the hotel and Sophie accidentally discovers Mark's engagement ring much to his horror. And Sophie says to him "So I went into your bag to turn it off and I accidentally found something round and engagementy" and Mark calmly says "Oh right" but he narrates "SHIT!!!" so Mark is suddenly rail-roaded in accepting the proposal and they get engaged.
And after in the pub, Jez shares his surprise with Mark quietly saying "So, what the fuck??" and Mark says "It would have been too embarrassing not to accept the acceptance" and Jez says to him "So you're going to stay married to this woman for the rest of your life because of embarrassment???". And Mark replies " Yes, probably. I'd be grateful if, for the rest of my life, you never mention it again" and Jez gives in and says "Fair enough" and makes a taste to the "happy couple!".
So, "Quantocking" is a fine end to one of the best seasons of the show and its great for Mark's dawning realisation of his failing relationship with Sophie and Jez dealing Super Hans's cold turkey and for its fun moments its worthy of being No.4 on this list.
3. Jeremy's manager (Series 5)
At No.3 is "Jeremy's manager" which is another great episode where this time Jez finally get's offered a recording contract deal with a female manager, Cally (Nikki Wardley). Jez then goes out on a date with Cally and they go back to Jez's for sex but she stops him halfway through as she is less than impressed by his technique.
Meanwhile Mark on meeting Cally the following morning after Jez's sexual disappointment, suddenly falls in love with her as he calls her "the one" and the two of them get involved in a sexual relationship together. However its not long before Jez's resentment over Cally get's him sidelined in his recording contract and Super Hans instead get's the single top billing leaving Jez to plot his revenge against her.
"Jeremy's manager" has plenty of fun moments and for once Jez is sexually unsuccessful in his attempts with a woman. And the scene where Jez and Cally have sex is very funny in itself as when Jez starts to get down to business he is too distracted thinking about how to connect up his TV to the digibox so they can watch a film after sex.
And Jez narrating says "This has got to be great. Brilliant sex then novelty bong then watch a film together. If Mark's got around to buying a new Scart lead, that is. Maybe if we got another Scart lead, I could use it to plug the Digibox into the VHS player, 'record straight onto that. Or I could use the analogue aerial into the video and off that...".
So at this point Cally stops Jez and tells him its not working out so she says to him "There's nothing going on here. We're just two planks of wood rubbing against each other. Let's forget this happened and get some shuteye, yeah?". So Jez dispondently says "Yeah OK" and lies there in bed feeling frustrated and narrates "This is like the time I made Mark turn that boring DVD off in the middle. The Killing Fields. This is probably how he felt - frustrated and horny".
And as Mark and Cally start their own sexual relationship, Cally during sex admits that Mark is better than Jez in the sack but he needs to change his technique. And as Cally gets ontop and takes charge of the proceedings, Mark narrates "Oh, my God, this is brilliant! I'm a sex robot servicing The One.
I always wondered what my fetish was and it seems what truly turns me on 'is being basically absent for most of the sex act!".
And later when Jez finds out that he has been sidelined by Cally for a gig at a festival and Super Hans is to play instead, he is determined to get revenge so he trashes Cally's trailer at the festival along with Mark. And later Jez pins it on Mark and says to her "He hates you for pushing me out of the band. I was, like, "Dude, these things happen". But he was like, "No-o-o!" and Jez continues "He's weird, twisted, vindictive. He draws horrible cartoons of you and then wraps them up in sausage meat and calls you a sausage-muncher. On the bright side, he wanted to shit on the sofa but I managed to stop him".
So the episode ends with Jez doing his first festival gig on his own as Super Hans has gone off and gotten high on drugs and Jez plays to just one audience member in an empty tent. Meanwhile Cally, angry after the lies Jez had given her about Mark, drives by Mark and gives him the finger and Mark narrates "The One is giving me the finger. Ah, yes, that's more like it. The One is gone. The familiar gut-punch of pain and confusion is back. Hello, old friend!".
So there you go, its another fun episode and one of the best from Series 5 and so it takes the No.3 spot.
2. Wedding (Series 4)
In the runner-up spot is "Wedding" which is the episode that takes place on Mark's wedding day where he is due to marry Sophie but he really doesn't want to go through with it and spends the episode trying to figure out a way to get out of the marriage. Its another hilarious episode where Mark out of desparation will try anything to avoid a lifetime of unhappiness with Sophie but ultimately he sees he has no choice but to be doomed to their marriage.
The episode kicks off with Mark sitting on his bed in his wedding suit, looking at himself in the mirror and he narrates "How do I feel? Empty? Check. Scared? Check. Alone? Check. just another ordinary day". Later on as they drive to the church, Super Hans is with Mark and Jez but Hans having had too many drugs on a night out before vomits in Mark's hat and shoes.
Mark then agonised by the need to stop the wedding going ahead says to himself that he could try punching Sophie's dad. And he says to himself "'How can I buy some time? 'Contract TB? But where from? 'No badgers. Try to get beaten up? I could say, "He's got a fat head," 'call him a jizz cock? 'Not actually an insult - all cocks are jizz cocks really, 'be like calling him a piss kidney". Mark then makes a half hearted attempt to get himself in a road accident as he steps out onto a road as a car is about to pass but the driver manages to stop just in time.
Then later Jez in an effort to help stall or stop the wedding admits to Mark he kissed Sophie sometime earlier at a JLB conference in the episode "Conference" in the same series, which angers Mark but also fills him with sudden delight too. So Mark explodes "What? You're kidding! You're my best friend and you copped off with my fiancee??? YOU LOVELY BASTARD! This is dynamite! This is the perfect excuse! Why the hell didn't you tell me about this earlier?!" and Jez replies "Well, I thought you might be angry". And Mark says "I am angry, very angry, but also incredibly relieved. It's difficult to express both emotions at once!".
However this news doesn't reall affect the wedding as it still goes ahead and Mark and Jez later at the church sneak upstairs in a pathetic attempt to try and hide from the ceremony and Jez is dying for a piss but he can no longer hold it on and is forced to piss himself. And as Jez is about to piss himself he quietly says to Mark "Great, and what shall I do after I've pissed myself? Fuck myself? Eat myself? You're such ...". Then Jez can no longer contain it and pisses himself and he quietly and angrily says to Mark "Yes, I'm doing it already. I'm so pathetic that as soon as you ordered me to piss myself, I started the procedure. This is what you've done. You've ground down my sense of self-worth over the years!". And to make matters worse Jez's piss begins to leak through too the floor as it trickles on the people below!
And the episode finally culminates with Mark and Sophie getting married and the two of them start to break into tears as they both realise they don't want to get married but go through with the ceremony anyway. And Mark in his narration tearfully says "Tears of joy. They're tears of joy. That's the line we both stick to, now and for the rest of our miserable lives!".
But the episode finally ends with Sophie, still in tears as she get's out of the limo and she sobs saying "I just feel terrible. I feel like I've been shot in the stomach!" and she says "He's horrible!" and she leaves Mark alone in the limo to contemplate what has just happened.
Jez however then out of sympathy, joins Mark in the limo to give him some company and he says to Mark how he was annoyed that Mark didn't let him go after Nancy, his former girlfriend, who is now at this stage getting it on with Super Hans . So Mark says "Well, I suppose I should apologise for not letting you go and get her" and Jez says "Yeah, I was pretty pissed off about that, but I was thinking of waiting for a bit before I brought it up". And Mark says "Oh thanks man" and Jez says "I'll just chuck it in with all my other mouldering resentments" and Mark says "Exactly. Stick it on the bill!" as they drive off.
And that is "Wedding" which is definitely one of the best episodes of the series and its hilarious conclusion with Mark and Sophie both sobbing at their wedding and Jez being forced to pee himself makes it a memorable close to perhaps the best series of the lot and well worth being placed in the runner-up spot.
So now for the No.1 choice, which is......drum roll......
1. Conference (Series 4)
Yes at No.1 is this hilarious classic episode "Conference" from the 4th series, which sees Mark being given the big task of pitching a very important project at a JLB conference at the behest of his boss, Alan Johnson, however things as you would expect go far from smoothly for Mark. Also things become even more complicated when Jez decides to tag along to the conference to try and win back Big Suze who has started seeing Johnson and he unwittingly ends up snogging Sophie at the hotel where Mark stays. Its also the first episode to introduce the character, Gerrard (Jim Howick) one of Mark's colleagues who later becomes his rival for Dobby's affection.
So the episode begins with Johnson telling Mark about "Project Zeus" and how he would like Mark to head the project. And as Mark is about to ask what the project is about Johnson interrupts saying "You will not be informed of the meaning until the time is right!" and Mark narrates "'I like it when he's rude to me. Hopefully, it's a psychological defect, not a weird sexual thing!".
Then in the next scene, Mark invites some of his co-workers around for some pizza and bitey bits while they start work on Project Zeus. And Mark narrates "My team! I'm going to be the most amazing boss ever. I'll have them eating out of my hand 'while I squeeze them by the balls!". And not too later, Johnson arrives and says to Mark and the others "Just wanted to say, have fun. Tonight should be an idea zone. Watch a DVD, eat some pizza, fuck each other. I'm serious. Fuck a chicken, if that's what it takes. Watch a chicken fucking a horse. What? You think the guys who invented Google watched Trumpton?!".
Johnson then having eyed Big Suze in the flat makes an "indecent proposal" to Jez that he let's him have Big Suze for the night. So Johnson says to Jez "I want to make you a real-life indecent proposal. I want to sleep with your girlfriend, Jeremy, but I don't like playing the game with women, talking to them, but I do like some of the things they do!". And as Jez is about to question Johnson, Johnson says "You have a property of which I wish to make a use. Is that so very different from hiring a solicitor or leasing a Spanish villa?" and Jez feebly says "Maybe you could finger her for £300?". So Jez finally agrees and shakes hand on it and he narrates "Is this a terrible idea? It can't be, it's in a film. 'They wouldn't put a terrible idea in a film. They'd get sued!".
So in the next scene Jez makes the indecent proposal to Big Suze but he fails to sell it to her and she takes offence and says to him "Sounds like you want to pimp me out. I'm a human being Jeremy! This is really horrible. You tried to make me a hooker!" and she leaves the flat in a state of shock. And this leaves Jez to ponder things and he narrates "God, I only asked her to be a hooker.
'It's not like I wanted her to work in telesales!".
And as the episode carries on, Mark get's more and more worked up about finding ways to get the project work only to find it can't so he takes it out on his co-workers. However Geoff, Mark's former rival to Sophie says to him he has a suggestion to merge three departments together rather than two. So Mark trying to hide his anger at first says to Geoff "Why don't I take that? I'm going to the loo.
I can have a look at it and I can then WIPE MY FUCKING ARSE ON IT!!". If integrating TWO departments is a NIGHTMARE, how exactly is pulling a THIRD in going to help? You dick pole!".
The comes the best scene in the episode where the JLB team along with Jez go to a strip club and get drunk but Mark stays sober and brings his laptop with him but he ends up getting a very awkward lapdance from a sexy stripper. And as the lapdancer starts to dance infront of him, Mark narrates "Oh, God, she looks amazing. This really should not be allowed. This is what men want and we shouldn't be allowed to have it 'because it's horrible and it makes you feel sick! Oh, great. Now I'm getting an erection! How grimly predictable!".
So Mark tries to halt the lapdance by grabbing his laptop and saying to the lapdancer "I'm very sorry and you're a very attractive woman, but I have a helluva lot on, so -" and the lapdancer says "You want me to stop?" and Mark says "No, no, no, you go ahead.You're obviously very talented but I should just get on with this". And the lapdancer looks quickly at what Mark has written and says "You haven't written very much, have you? You should sum up your aims in the first line" and Mark says to her "This is a very complex business proposal, so I don't think you could sum up all the aims in one line". And the lapdancer says "If you can't sum up all your aims in one line then they are too diffuse" and Mark annoyed says "Look, my aims are too fucking diffused, alright?!". And the lapdancer takes offence and says "OK, Jesus! They just might be too diffuse that's all I'm saying!" and she continues the lapdance angrily and Mark narrates "Great! Now I'm getting an angry lapdance!".
Then there is the scene where Sophie and Jez snog each other while they are in Mark's hotel room and before they do it, Jez reassure Sophie she is attractive and she tells him she has only slept with four men. And Sophie says "I don't know if I lived enough. I mean I've only slept with four men. Is that enough?" and Jez says "Four? Oh, yeah" and he narrates "Jesus! I've had sex with more men than that 'and I basically only sleep with women!". And as Jez reassures Sophie by saying "You're hottie, Sophie. You're hot!" they start to lean in for a kiss and Jez narrates "Shit, is this going to happen? 'This is almost definitely a terrible idea. But I won't know for certain until I've actually done it" and they kiss and he then narrates after "No, I was right, that was a terrible idea!".
And towards the end, Mark has a meltdown as he realises he has failed in his attempts to get Project Zeus to work so he takes it out on his last remaining co-worker, Gerard as he says to him "We've spent all night doing nothing, Gerrard, you prick! I've been working very hard trying to You cocksucker! You bullshit, wanker!". So Gerrard angrily says "Look, Mark, you can't talk to me like that!" and he walks out and Mark desparately narrates "I've lost my beautiful elephant man!" (i.e. Gerrard who has a disability involving monitoring his unbalanced stomach acid levels by wearing a tube going into his nose).
After this Jez makes one last ditch effort to win back Big Suze after he demands Johnson pay him the money he owes for his proposal. So Jez says to Johnson "I know my rights. I've spoken to my friends at the Citizens Advice Bureau. Pay up or I shall make a disturbance!" so Johnson relents and gives Jez £380. So Jez holds the money up and says to Suze "But you know what? This means nothing to me. I haven't got a penny in the world, Suze, but this means nothing to me without you!" and he throws the money out the window and says to Suze "There, you see. Now do you see?! That's how I feel! Now will you go back out with me?!". And Suze says "No, Jez, I'm just not that into you!" so this leaves Jez embarrassed and he dives out the window to pick up the money.
So finally Mark does a runner from the conference on Jez's advice but he meets Sophie in the car park who convinces Mark to just go into the meeting and tell the truth that he tried but failed to make it work. So Mark does go in and he tells the truth and bombs but then he tries to make an excuse that he's dying and he says "That's right, I've got brain cancer! Half my brain's been eaten away already probably! But I think I did a pretty decent job for a man with a brain tumour the size of a pineapple who's gonna be dead within a month!". And as Mark sits down feigning his illness says "Oh my poor diseased brain!" and Johnson then get's up and says "Yeah, I'd just like to assure everyone that Mr Corrigan will indeed be dead in a month" and he glares at Mark, who smiles weakly.
And that is "Conference" which for me is the funniest episode in the series and has plenty of great moments as mentioned already with Mark getting an angry lapdance, Johnson's indecent proposal to Jez and even in the introduction of Gerrard or as Mark calls him "my beautiful elephant man". And for my money I can't think of a better episode of the show than this one and that's why it sits at the top of the list.
Right! So that's it for my top 10 favourite episodes of Peep Show and I will be back sometime soon with another post.
Till then its bye for now!
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