OK well I've been watching more of the Nostalgia Critic episodes of late (the Youtube comedy channel featuring the titular Nostalgia critic, a reviewer with a volatile temper played by Doug Walker) so I thought might put together another list as I felt the top 10 left out a few episodes that are also worth mentioing.
So this post will cover five more of my favourite episodes from the series and they are in no particular order of preference this time so I have just listed them as I choose them. So let's dawn the glasses, get the cap on, the dinner jacket and that large tie (not to mention the specs and quickly grow a goatee!) and let's look at these episodes. And because the size of these posts I decided to split the list into two parts.
And lastly as warning, even though there aren't as many plot spoilers here but due to the critic's sweary and volatile, loud shouty rants there will be plenty of swearing and CAPITAL LETTERS AHEAD!!!
Battlefield Earth "This is STUPID!! STUPID!!! STUPID!!!"
Right OK so first up is the Nostalgia critic's review of the cinematic atrocity that is Battelfield Earth (based on a novel by scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard) in what turned out to be his 100th episode of the series. The episode however starts with the critic deciding he would do a compilation of clips for his 100th show than do a review until he is interrupted by Ma-Ti (seen in NC's Captain planet review and played by Bhargav Dronarmraju) who tells he is shortchanging is audience and he must review a film that he is yet to do. And Ma-Ti drops a few hints to the critic on what the review should be and as the critic realises the one he means he says "You mean...." and Ma-Ti yells "Yes! BATTLEFIELD EARTH!!".
The film itself is indeed shown to be a dire and it stars John Travolta in one of his most over the top performances ever as an alien called Terl from the planet Psychlo in which at times he sounds like a bizarre Shakesperian character and spouts dialogue in such a vein such as "While you were still learning to SPELL YOUR NAME!". The critic is also interrupted in his review by Terl (but this time played by Noah Antwlier who has his own channel as "Spoony" who reviews video games) throughout who tries to even train the critic in the use of Psychlo diction. An example is when Terl tries to get the critic to say the words "I'm REEEEALLY ANGRY!!!" in the most dramatic fashion possile but the critic get's fed up and switches him off using his remote. The critic throughout the review picks apart the film's plot holes, lack of logic, use of cinematic curtain wipes as well as the unecessary use of slanted camera angles.
And as the review goes on the critic grows more and more exasperated by the movie's lack of sense particularly in the psychlonian's failure to understand human beings behaviour despite ruling over them for many years and that they use them as slaves. And midway through the review the critic starts to show signs of cracking up as he yells "THIS MOVIE MAKES NO SENSE! START MAKING SENSE, MOVIE! START MAKING SENSE!! AGGGHHHH!!!". And in the next scene where Terl uses a device to translate the whole Pyschlo language into of one of the human slaves and the main protagonist of the film, Jonnie (Barry Pepper) the critic again explodes when he sees how stupid it is that they didn't use this device on all the slaves. And the critic rants "WHY DIDN'T THEY THINK OF THIS BEFORE?!! Wouldn't learning their language make them much better slaves???! YOU CAN FUCKING TALK TO THEM!!". And then critic continues "THIS IS THE STUPIDEST ALIEN RACE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!! IT MAKES NO SENSE!!" and he looks desparately at the screen and says quietly "I'm this close to cracking".
And the last straw comes in the scene near the end regarding the film's climactic battle scene where a nuclear bomb is sent to the Psychlo homeworld which would create a chain reaction and detonate the planet. And the critic seemingly calm starts off "So this military force of a planet that has an atmosphere made out of radiation has never had an explosion? This race is more gun happy than Charles Heston's shooting gallery and yet THERE'S NEVER BEEN AN EXPLOSION ON THIS PLANET??! AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT??!! This is STUPID!! STUPID!! STUPID!! STUPID!!". And then the rant continues in high speed as the critic goes ballistic (or nuclear?!) in what is one of his most legendary outbursts.
And the critic rounds off his review by saying "This is an ass of shit! This is bad! This is really really...bad! The acting is over the top, the camera work is a joke, the story is beyond idiotic. Its just bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad!". And the review finishes with Terl returning briefly just before he dies (probably from the reaction caused by the nuclear bomb?) vowing revenge over the critic.
So there you go its one of my favourites as it features one of the critic's most memorable freak outs and for that alone (if nothing else) its here on the list.
Tom and Jerry the movie "Tom and Jerry DON'T talk!"
Now this is one ever since my top 10 list that I wish I had put in as it features plenty of reasons why the Nostalgia critic is a funny show and its also one of the show's very early best ones.
The review starts off with the critic talking about his love for the original Tom and Jerry cartoons before he reveals his dispair for the movie version and also quickly compares how the movie's title sequence can't do justice to the original cartoons. And he notes during the titles how the animation of the film is far more violent as in one scene Tom (the cat) is sliced into several pieces but we see red blood as a result but in the original cartoon's there isn't any when Tom get's sliced. And the critic says "When Tom get's cut in half in the cartoon its humourous when Tom get's cut in the movie....oh my god that's blood! They actually show blood in this! What are they? Fucking psychos?!". And the critic also scoffs how Joseph Barbera is credited as the creative consultant and the critic says "That means they just went up to him every day and asked "Is this destroying your creation? Is this nothing like your original vision?" "Yes" "Good!".
So quickly the crux of the film surrounds Tom being evicted from his owner's home and he travels the streets to try and find a new home with Jerry. And to the critic's disbelief we actually hear Tom and Jerry talk and say their names which causes the critic to spit out his drink and he yells "What the hell did they just talk??!! Did Tom and Jerry one of most famous silent duos of all time just speak to each other??!". And the critic smiles and shakes his head "No, no, no, no. Its gotta be a mistake. I gotta be hearing things" and then he picks up an opened watermelon and a pitcher of Sangria and he says he will drink them both of at the same time "While I confirm how wrong I was about this ridiculous misunderstanding!". And as the critic starts to drink from them we cut to another clip of Tom and Jerry talking again causing the critic to spectacularly spit out his drink and yell "HOLY CRAP!! THEY TALKED!! THEY ACTUALLY TALKED!!". And the critic then says "The apocalypse has finally begun, pigs are learning how to fly, Satan is skating his way to work and I'm pretty sure I just became a monkey's uncle! Unbelievable! I mean the one rule you never and they broke it in the first 10 minutes!". And the critic quickly says is it not one of the 10 commandments and he lists a few then adds "Tom and Jerry DON'T talk!".
And things get worse as the film is basically a musical and features Tom and Jerry singing and what's worse is there is even a song where Tom and Jerry singing about being friends leaving the critic utterly shellshocked and a tear rolling down his cheek. And the critic laments "My God! Tom and Jerry.... are dead!" and he holds up his classic DVDs of the old cartoons and delivers a Shakesperian type soliloquy which he ends elegantly by berating Hollywood saying "shit fuckers!". And as the musical numbers continue the critic becomes more desparate and he pleads "Oh not another one! I'll do anything! I'll do your taxes, I'll shave your back, I'll prostitute myself for money, just PLEASE note another one!". And the film breaks into yet another song causing the critic to let out a large cry of dispair and yell "THESE FUCKING SONGS ARE HORRIBLE!!". And later the critic mentions how the film's plot is also quite surreal and bizzare as it carries on and he says "Welcome to the mind fuck!" and he shows some clips of the film with a caption that reads "MIND FUCK" in capitals.
And the review ends with one of my favourite endings of any NC episode where the critic reveals the ending of the film sees Tom and Jerry get a new home where they start chasing each other throughout the house which the critic notes is something they should have done right from the start of the movie! And as the film finishes it circles Tom and Jerry as they chased each other like they did in the old cartoon and the critic says "And they show this little circle here like "yep this is what its all about". But nope that's not what this film is all about. I'll tell you EXACTLY what this film is about....AN HOUR AND A HALF TOO LONG!!!". And the critic finishes by saying "This film is awful! The lowest form of shit! It sucks ass!" and the critic cuts to a capion that says "SUCKS ASS" in capitals and he then says "It sucks balls!" and another caption appears "SUCKS BALLS" and finally he says "It sucks ass balls!" and a final captain appears "SUCKS ASS BALLS!". And he critic continues "If I was to go back in time to tell the Tom and Jerry of 50 years that they would be making a film of this calibre about them, what did you think they would have to say about it?!". And it cuts to a clip of an old T & J cartoon with Tom saying "Hard to believe it!" and the critic concludes "I'm trying not to! I'm the Nostalgia critic, I remember it so you don't have to! GOD! What a fuckload of ass!".
So there it is another one of my favourite episodes of the series which is an early classic of the show and well worth a place on here.
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace "Ohhhhh fuck donkeys!"
OK this next episode is a review with a slightly different feel as its a sort of crossover between the critic and another reviewer, Linkara (played by Lewis Lohvaug, who reviews comic books on his own Youtube channel, Atop the fourth wall). Linkara starts the review dressed similarly to the critic and even announces himself as the Nostalgia critic as he starts talking about Superman IV but he suddenly interrupted by the appearance of the real NC who is far from pleased at Linkara's attempts to impersonate him and he forces Linkara to review the film with him. And as Linkara goes to get changed the critic says "Good, so let's go and review....what are we reviewing again?" and we cut to a clip of Superman IV's titles and the critic says "Ohhhh fuck donkeys!!".
So the critic starts off by slagging off the poor low quality of the film's titles and he says "We open the familiar credits of the Superman franchise, except on a budget of two bucks....and sucky!". And Linkara starts his contribution with the film's opening scene as he says "We start the film proper with Russians" and all of a suddent we hear his voice boom out "IN SPACE!!" leaving the critic to ask "How did you do that with your voice?" and Linkara replies "clean throat" and the critic looks impressed. And the russians have an accident with one of their shuttles in space and they are suddenly and conveniently saved by Superman as Linkara says "But fortunately Superman is around to save them" and we see a shot of a very poor low budget effects shot of Superman flying at the camera "Oh by the way folks get used to this shot of Superman flying right at the camera. ALMOST EVERY FLYING SCENE HAS IT!". And as Superman saves an astronaut floating helplessly in space the critic criticises how Superman can talk in space and he asks "How long are we into this movie?" and Linkara says "Four minutes" and the critic snaps back "TOO LONG!!".
The critic and Linkara then go on to say how the film has a number of subplots all of which go nowhere and Linkara reveals that there was even 40 minutes cut from the theatrical version but that no doubt the producers of the film will have lost out on that but "their loss is our gain!". The critic again also slates the film's effects particularly a green screen effect when Clark Kent (Christopher Reeve) takes Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) off the top of his apartment roof and as they fall we indeed see a terrible green screen effect as Clark turns into Superman and takes hold of Lois for a flight around Metropolis. Then after Superman takes Lois back up to the apartment he talks of his doubt over what he is to do but Lois reassures him he will work it out and Superman kisses her to erase her memory of their time together. And this prompts Linkara to slate the scene saying "Oh then they rip off the magic memory erasing kiss from the end of the second movie too! Well you've gotta give the series credit for consistency! Its just as idiotic here as it was there!". The two critics then poke fun at a scene where Superman arrives at the United Nations to give a speech and on the way he meets a young boy named Jeremy who never appears again in the rest of the film. And the critics both joke at how the young actor will probably never work again and they both say "Goodbye Jeremy!" and Linkara jokes "You'll never act in another movie again!" and the critic says "Enjoy your mental scars!".
Then comes the scene where Superman gives his speech at the United nations where Linkara dispairs "God! Not this scene!" and the critic asks "What's the matter?" and Linkara says wearily "Just watch!". And in Superman's speech he talks of his fear of the planet possibly coming to the brink of nuclear destruction so he says he has decided to rid the world of nuclear weapons. And the critic looking flabbergasted says "Did Superman just say he's going to rid the world of nuclear weapons himself??? Whether the governments are willing to or not?!" and Linkara holds his head in his hand saying "Mmm hmm". And the critic bemusingly asks "And everyone is OK with this?" and Linkara says "They are critic! Which means its time to play International politics!" and Linkara briefly plays the equivalent of a quiz show game with the critic, which the critic answers right and his prize is as Linkara says "Is to continue to watch this crap!". And then we cut to the scene where Superman finally collects all the nuclear weapons and hurls them into the sun, prompting the critic to ask "So if they are willing to get rid of their nukes why the hell do they need Superman in the first place?!" and Linkara says "Good PR!" which the critic accepts.
The review then deals with the subplot of Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman, yes he came back for THIS!) who escapes from prison with the help of his nephew and Lex enters a museum which has an exhibit of Superman's hair holding a 1000 pound weight, which Lex's breaks open and steals the hair in order to create his own genetic super villain. And Linkara points out "It should also be pointed out that although this single strand of Superman's hair is strong enough to lift a thousand pounds, it can be cut with simple hedge clipper!". So Lex loads some genetic materials combined with Superman's hair into a nuclear missile which he fires into the sun to create nuclear man (Mark Pillow) which Lex intends to use to destroy Superman. And the critic then criticises how poor the showdown between Superman and Nuclear man is "And boy is it a letdown! They don't even punch each other they just struggle for a while with some really awkward blue screen effects!". And Supe and Nuclear's fight scene extends to the great wall of China which Nuclear man partially destroys but Superman uses his X-ray vision to repair the wall back to its original state leaving the critic confused "Does Superman have any wall repairing ability?" and Linkara says "Not in any comic I've read!".
Then later Nuclear man attacks Superman by scratching which causes Superman to become sick with radiation but he later recovers and fights him again for the last time on the moon. But during the fight Nuclear man flies back to Earth and grabs Lacy (Mariel Hemingway) and takes her hostage to the moon where she can breath without the need for any oxygen which the critic outraged and rightly points out "YOU CAN'T BREATHE IN SPACE!!!!!!!!! KINDERGARTEN SCIENCE!!!!!! KINDERGARTEN!!". And Superman finally defeats Nuclear man by moving the moon directly over the sun to neutralise Nuke's energy and he grabs him and drops him down a nuclear power plant back on Earth but the critic points out "Shouldn't that make him more powerful?!".
So the critic wraps up by saying after Superman has put everything to rights and placed Lex Luthor back in jail he addresses the world in a press conference where he says the people of Earth will get peace when they want it bad enough. And this makes the critic and Linkara both laugh as the critic says "Oh I see, we just didn't want peace hard enough!" and Linkara agrees "Of course it all makes sense! Peace doesn't come through economic interdependance and the spread of similar ideals its just WANTING it!" and the critic smiles and agrees saying "yeah". And they both look awkwardly for a minute then the critic explodes "WHAT A FUCKING LOAD!" and Linkara spits back "This movie SUCKS!". And the critic wraps by saying "Its morals are bullshit, its plot is half thrown together and physics take a backseat to mediocre special effects you are more likely to see in one of Linkara's videos!" to which Linkara takes offence and says "Hey!" and the critic says sharply "Get over it ya comic geek, your effects suck!". And Linkara get's his revenge by sharply saying "Bat credit card!" causing the critic to explode in rage as he takes out his gun and shooting in every direction shouting "A BAT CREDIT CARD!!!". And Linkara signs off for the critic instead saying "He's the Nostalgia critic, he remembers it so you don't have to!" and we hear the critic yell in the background "Bat credit card!! JEEAYYSUSSS!!!".
So that's it for the Superman IV episode which is a lot of fun and its great crossover as the critic and Linkara both bounce off each other well throughout and the critic's meltdown at the end is priceless and again it shows that his best reviews come from the worst of films.
And that's it for Part 1 and I'll be back soon with the last two episodes in part 2!
Till then I'll remember it so you don't have to!
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