Liar Liar Review (Revisited) "Here she comes to wreck the DAY!!!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, well I thought I would fit in a very quick re-edited post of a film I reviewed almost 10 years ago on this blog, Liar Liar starring Jim Carrey as a sleazy lawyer who is forced to tell the truth for one whole day. So, having recently watched it again, I figured I would update my review and I will continue to update it in the New Year to finish it off, as I type this close to midnight on New Years' Eve! 

So, with that said let's take another look at this film and see how it fairs 27 (or 28) years later...

So. the warning is coming...

PLOT SPOILERS ARE AHEAD!!! 

STORY

So the film begins with Fletcher Reede (Carrey) its main character who is an ambitious lawyer but is also a compulsive liar which causes tension between his ex-wife Audrey (Maura Tierney) and his young son Max (Justin Cooper) as he often breaks his promises to them.  Fletcher however in his work is in a promising position to gain a big promotion as he is given a client Samantha Cole (Jennifer Tilly) who is a two-timing divorcee who is looking to try and secure very wealthy marital assets from her ex-husband.  And while Samantha is initially willing to play fair with her ex-husband Fletcher persuades her to be ruthless and go after all she can get, which impresses another attorney, Miranda (Amanda Donohoe).  Fletcher makes another promise to Max that he will try and make it for his birthday but instead he is caught up with Miranda and they have sex and he calls up and lies again to Audrey.  This leaves Max feeling dejected and when making a birthday wish he wishes that for one whole day his dad couldn't tell a lie.  However the wish suddenly becomes true as after Fletcher has had sex with Miranda and she asks if it was good for him he replies "I've had better!" and she throws him out of her office.

The next morning Fletcher get's up and soon realises that he is unable to lie, which causes him much embarrassment in public where he blurts out what he is really thinking.  Fletcher as a result ends up offending many of his office colleagues and he even get's his car impounded when he is pulled over for speeding and reveals he has unpaid parking tickets.  And when Audrey comes to help out Fletcher by paying for his car to be released from the impound she tells him that if he lies to Max once more she will leave with Max and her new boyfriend Jerry (Cary Elwes) and go to Boston, which she was considering doing.  Fletcher begs her not to go as he wants to talk things out which Audrey agrees to but warns him if he doesn't show she will leave with Max that night, but before she goes she tells him that Max made the wish.  Fletcher then goes to see Max at school and tries to persuade him to make a wish to take the lie back but it doesn't work as Max doesn't really believe it and that his dad makes him feel bad.  Dejected Fletcher goes back to this office and contemplates what he can do next.   

Fletcher later on appears at court where he meets with his client Samantha and her lover, Kenneth Faulk (Chip Mayer) both whom are willing to commit perjury to hide their affair.  Fletcher however realises he cannot ask questions in court to which he knows the answer is a lie and while he is in court desparately tries to postpone the hearing but fails, despite his best attempts to do so by beating himself up in the men's toilet.  After administering his self beating, Fletcher is taken back into court but the Judge asks him if he can continue and Fletcher is forced to say yes leaving him no choice but to carry on.  And its from here Fletcher has to try and find a way to win the case without telling a lie and also trying to do his best to patch up his fragile relationship with Audrey and Max....

THOUGHTS 

It has to be said that Liar Liar is easily one of Jim Carey's funniest films and in a way it is something of breath of fresh air in his career up to this point as Carey's previous films were all a bit too whacky and zany.  But here Carey is brought a bit more down to earth and put in a relatively plausible story of a slightly crooked lawyer trying to further his own career but at the same time he risks putting his relationship with his own son at risk due to his irresponsbility and his lying.  And also somewhat incredibly the film actually manages to somehow ground itself in reality quite well, despite Fletcher's ridiculous over the top antics at times in the office or court and the film's rather daft premise in general.  But its the balance of the antics, the silly premise and a bit of reality thrown in is what makes the film appealing.   

PERFORMANCES AND NOTABLE SCENES (Warning: this section may contain spoilers!)

Which brings me onto the film's performances which are overall pretty good.

Starting with Jim Carrey who is great in his role as Fletcher and its very much his own star vehicle.  Carrey also clearly has a ball with the concept of the film with Fletcher being forced on many occassions to tell the truth no matter how offensive or embarrassing it might sound.  So naturally Carrey has quite a few highlights in the film.

So, I will mention a few starting off with the scene where he is in the lift with the pretty young woman with a rather nice big chest.  And Fletcher asks her how she is getting on and when the woman says "Everyone has been so nice" Fletcher blurts out "That's because you have big jugs!" and the women looks aghast and he tries to correct himself but can't and continues "I mean your boobs are huge!  I mean I wanna squeeze em!" and makes a noise like a baby and goes "Mama!" and she slaps him in the face.  

Also there is the scene where Fletcher has his car impounded and Audrey pays for it to be released from the impound and Fletcher notices a scratch on the car and accuses the motorpool attendant of making the scratch.  And Fletcher yells "You LIAR!  You know what I'm gonna about this?!   Nothing! Because if I take it to small claims court, it will just drain 8 hours out of my life and you probably won't show up and even if I got the judgment you'd just stiff me anyway; so what I am going to do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe!".

Then there is the scene where Fletcher desparately tries to make himself say a simple lie by holding a blue pen and trying to so its red, but instead he blurts out "The colour of pen I hold in my hand is rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroyal blue!!!".  And as he tries to write the lie his own writing hand attacks him and he ends up doodling the word all over his face only to then have his assistant, Greta (Anne Haney) walk and he says to her in dispair "The pen is blue!  The pen is blue!  THE GODDAMN PEN IS BLUE!!".  

Another funny moment is when Greta gives the phone over to Fletcher to give a criminal client of his some legal advice and Fletcher takes the phone and yells at the receiver "STOP BREAKING THE LAW ASSHOLE!!!!!" and he proceeds to walk in a dejected manner into his office. 

Then there is there scene where Fletcher is forced to tell the law firm's main partner, Mr Allen (Ryan Mitchell) what he thinks of him after Miranda overhears he can't lie.  So Fletcher painfully says "He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking" only to have it backfire on Miranda as Allen bursts out laughing and get's him to roast the other people in the boardroom.  

Another funny scene from Carrey also comes when Fletcher in court waits for Samantha to arrive and the Judge asks if they are ready to begin and he yells out "No your honour!  We are not ready to begin because my client is not yet arrived!" and she enters the courtroom seconds later and Fletcher sings out "HERE SHE COMES TO WRECK THE DAY!!!".  

And later in the court scene where Fletcher questions Samantha himself and he makes refers to her vital statistics and a crude joke about the size of her big boobs and he says "Weight 105???? Yeah!  In your bra!".  I will also have to mention the scene where an awkward Fletcher walks out of the lift in his office and we see a group of people hold their noses in the lift as he obviously let one go and he turns around admits "IT WAS ME!!!" (which just so happens to be the exact scene where this photo is from!). 

Carrey also shares some nice moments in the film as Fletcher with his son Max and it allows for him to utilise his playfulness with kids.  This can be seen in the film where Fletcher has Max visiting him in his office and he tells Max he has a present for him but he sticks the present in a large box underneath his t-shirt and he says "I accidentally swallowed it!  Let's hope its not digested!  Scalpel!" and he pretends to cut it out and it plops out from his t-shirt.  Then there is the scene where Fletcher meets with Max at school and he tells Max his wish came true and Max asks him some questions one of which is "If I keep making this face? (pulls a funny face) Will it end up that way?" and Fletcher "Uh-uh, in fact some people make a good living that way!".  And last of all there is the moments wher Fletcher produces the claw which he uses to tickle to his son and he says "NOTHING CAN STOP THE CLAW!!!!".

As for the supporting they are also pretty good starting with Maura Tierney as Fletcher's ex-wife who suffers him and his lies.  Maura has some nice moments in the film as well such as the scene where Audrey argues with Fletcher about how his behaviour impacts on Max and Fletcher tries to defend himself but ends up saying "I'm a bad father!" which really hits him.  And Audrey says "You're not a bad father, when you show up".  And also just as Audrey is about to drive off she says to Fletcher "Do you know what your son was doing at 8:15 last night?  He was making a wish that for a whole day his father couldn't tell a lie".  

Justin Cooper is also not too bad in his part as Max, Fletcher's young son who is continually let down by his father although I'm a bit perplexed as to why he has a haircut that harks back to the 1970s!   

Cooper has some good scenes also that include the one where Fletcher tells Max his wish came true and he asks him to take it back but first Max asks some questions he wants truthful answers to. Max says "You mean you have to tell the truth? No matter what?" and Fletcher sighs "No matter what!" and Max asks "If it sit infront of the TV for hours, will I go blind?" and Fletcher says "Not in a million years!" and Max then asks "If I do this with my face and hold it, will it get stuck that way?" and he squishes his face and Fletcher "No, in fact some people make a good living that way!".

And last of all is the final scene of the film where (SPOILER!!!) Max makes another birthday wish and he blows out his candles with the lights off only to turn them on to find Fletcher kissing Audrey. So, Fletcher asks suspiciously after "Max...did you wish for your mum and me to get back together again???" and Max says "No, I wished for rollerblades!". 

Anne Laney is also great in her part as Fletcher's assistant Greta, who has a good scene where she asks Fletcher an awkward question when she asks about a raise she didn't get from him and she says "So you said you wanted to give me one out of your own pocket, but it would create jealously among the other secretaries. Now, was that true, or did you just not want to pony up the dough?!".  

So, in the next scene Greta clears her desk and as Fletcher begs her not to go she turns and says "Mr. Reede, several years ago a friend of mine had a burglar on her roof, a burglar. He fell through the kitchen skylight, landed on a cutting board, on a butcher's knife, cutting his leg. The burglar sued my friend, he sued my friend. And because of guys like you HE WON!  My friend had to pay the burglar $6,000.  Is that justice?!".  And Fletcher says "No." but as Greta looks pleased, he blurts out "I'd have gotten him 10!".  And Fletcher makes one last ditch attempt to keep her from going by saying "I'll give you the raise!" and she gives him the finger saying "here's your raise!".   

Jennifer Tilly while she isn't the best actress in the world she does actually do quite well in her role as the sleazy two-timing Samantha Cole.  And Jennifer has a couple of good scenes one where Fletcher persuades Samanatha to go after her husband for his money and she says to him "You're right Mr Reed!  I am tired of being kicked around!".  

And later on in court Samantha arrives with her kids and Fletcher says "You brought your own kids to your divorce hearing??" and Samantha cooly says "Sympathy" and Fletcher snaps back "Its working.  I'm feeling sorry for them already!".  And lastly during the court hearing, Fletcher tries to tell Samantha he can't lie, she grabs him by his tie and yells "I want my money!  I am not going to end up a thirty-one year old divorcée on welfare because my scumbag attorney had a sudden attack of conscience!".

Carey Elwes is also quite good in his role as the somewhat dorky Jerry, Audrey's boyfriend whom tries to make an attempt at being a second dad to Max and also makes a pretty feeble attempt at the "claw" to impress Max.  Amanda Donohoe is very good in her role as the conniving attorney, Miranda who ends up sleeping with Fletcher and she asks him "That was amazing.  Was it as good for you as it was for me?" only for him to say "I've had better!".  And later on as Miranda tries to catch up with Fletcher he sticks his fingers in his ears and runs away and she says "You can run but you can't hide!".

And last of all Jason Bernard is great in his role as Judge Marshall Stephens who sadly passed away not long after the film was completed.  Bernard has some good moments in the court scenes such as the moment where he asks how they are all doing and Fletcher makes the rather embarrassing revelation that he had "a bad sexual episode" and the Judge matter of factly says "Well you're young it will happen more as you get older!".  

And the Judge during Fletcher's crazed defence says at one point "It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freak show to continue!".  And lastly when Fletcher asks for a bathroom break the Judge asks crankily "Can't it wait?" and Fletcher says it can but if "you hold it in you could damage the prostate which could make it difficult to have an erection or even become aroused!" and the Judge says "Is that true?" and Fletcher says "It has to be!" and the Judge then says "Well in that case I better take a break myself!".       

Last of all is the scene where Fletcher succeeds in winning his court cast with Mrs Cole only to feel wracked with guilt seeing the heartbreaking scene of Mrs Cole wrenching her children away from their downtrodden father. So, out of guilt, he tries to get the Judge to reverse the decision and says to him "We made a terrible mistake, I abused a legal technicality" and Summers angrily says "Young man, having someone come into my court and mock my judgment is NOT something I'm prepared to tolerate!!". Fletcher then angrily says to him "Oh then maybe you won't mind when they are adopted by the MANSON FAMILY!!" and Summers angrily shouts "One more word out of you, Mr Reede and I'll hold you in contempt!" and Fletcher finally yells "I HOLD MYSELF IN CONTEMPT!!! WHY SHOULD YOU BE ANY DIFFERENT!!". Summer then finally snaps and shouts "BAILIFF! TAKE HIM AWAY!". 

DIRECTOR

Finally getting onto the director wise Tom Shadyac who does a fine job here and he keeps the film going at a breezy pace and keeps it all pretty light hearted even if the jokes are pretty crude at times and it easily stands as one of his best efforts. Shadyac previously worked already with Carrey on Ace Ventura, Carrey's breakthrough movie.  

Music wise the film features a somewhat schmaltzy but pleasant score by John Debney which is quite appropriate and keeping well in with the tone of the film during its quieter and more manic moments. Overall its a good score and well suited to the film. 

FLAWS (Warning this section may contain spoilers!!)

So as for Liar Liar's flaws...... yes there are one or two. 

To kick off it has to be said that Fletcher is a bit of an obnoxious a-hole and while he is forced at the hands of his son's birthday wish to blurt out the truth of what he thinks of everyone that truth often is pretty harsh and cynical sounding, which shows him up to be actually a bit mean spirited.  This is especially notable in the scene where he roasts the staff at his law firm. And on this basis when you think about it and the humour aside, Fletcher is actually quite a hard character to root for although to be fair he does start to redeem himself as the film carries on.  

I also thought the film was also a bit sexist and Shadyac is no stranger at times in potraying some of the women in his films as lying and deceitful and for the want of a better word, sluts, and this is certainly the case with both Samantha and Miranda here.  

Lastly I also felt that Max was a bit of an annoying little twerp at times as he really does put some heavy burdening and guilt on his dad who despite his lying is actually a good father to him (well when he shows up).  Also Max seems to really get his way with his wishes, which suggests he could be capable of wishing of anything he really wanted, but as such the film's premise is pretty silly anyway as why didn't he just wish he was a millionaire or something???  But hey it is only a film.

So, that's it for the flaws.

SUM UP

So, to sum up, Liar Liar is easily one of Jim Carrey's funniest films and features one of his best comedic performances where he nicely balances out some more dramatic aspects along with the comedy this time. Carrey even also has some heartfelt moments in the film with Fletcher and Max as well as his endearing work relationship with his assistant Greta. The film's supporting cast also do very well particularly Maura Tierney, Paul Bernard and Jennifer Tilly. 

So, overall this is definitely one of Jim Carrey's best comedies and well worth a watch and I will rate Liar Liar:

9 out of 10

So, that's it for now and I will wish you all a Happy New Year and see you in 2025. :-)

The Karate Kid 40th Anniversary Review "Show me sand the floor!"

 

 

 

 

 

OK, so as I've been doing some anniversary blog posts of video games and films, I thought I would do another just now. So, this one will cover the 40th anniversary of The Karate Kid, starring Ralph Macchio in the role as Daniel Larusso, who is bullied by some local kids and is helped by a local Japanese-American man called Mr Miyagi, who trains him in karate to teach him self defence. 

So, this post is essentially as revisit of a revisit, which I did back in 2016 on Christmas Eve, so as we are very nearly at Christmas this year in 2024, I thought I would redo this post with the usual expansion of some parts. 

So, with that said let's take another look at this modern classic and see how it fairs 40 years later.

And the usual warning is coming up...

SPOILERS ARE AHEAD!!!

STORY 

So, the story begins with teenager, Daniel LaRusso (Ralph Macchio) and his mother (Randee Heller) moving from Newark, New Jersey out to Reseda in Los Angeles.  Once they arrive Daniel befriends a boy from the neighbourhood and he also meets the apartment handyman, Mr Miyagi (Pat Morita) an eccentric but kind immigrant from Okinawa.  The boy invites Daniel to a beach party where he meets Ali Mills (Elisabeth Shue) an attractive high school cheerleader.

However as the party goes on into the night, it is interrupted by Ali's arrogant and bullying ex-boyfriend, Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka) who Daniel confronts and ends up on receiving end of a beating from Johnny, who turns out to be a top karate student at a local club called Cobra Kai.

Daniel decides to start practising karate as well, as he knows a little from classes he attended at the YMCA back in Jersey.  As time goes on Daniel makes progress wih Ali, but he is tormented and bullied by Johnny and his Cobrai Kai classmates at every opportunity.  This soon culminates when Daniel plays a trick on Johnny at the school prom which backfires on him as Johnny catches up with Daniel and gives him a severe beating.  However at this point Miyagi arrives to rescue Daniel from Johnny and his classmates as he subdues them with an impressive display of karate. Daniel is impressed by Mr Miyagi's skill and asks him to be his tutor so he can get even with Johnny, but Miyagi refuses at first, but does agree to go along with him to confront Johnny and his classmates at the Cobra Kai class.

On turning up at the Cobrai kai class, Miyagi speaks with the class's sensei (Japanese for teacher) John Kreese (Martin Kove) who is a former special forces Vietnam veteran, who teaches an aggressive approach to karate, and that "mercy is for the weak!".  Miyagi asks Kreese that Johnny leave Daniel alone, however Kreese insists that Daniel and Johnny fight it out in the class, but Miyagi instead suggests they fight at an upcoming karate tournament, to which Kreese agrees to let Daniel attend.  Miyagi also asks Kreese that Johnny and his classmates leave Daniel alone to train, to which Kreese agrees but warns Miyagi that if Daniel doesn't show then the harrassment will continue, and Miyagi will also become a target.

And from here Daniel starts his training under Miyagi's wing, which starts with a rather unorthodox approach with giving Daniel manual labour chores, such as cleaning his cars, painting his fence and house.  After a few days of this Daniel grows exasperated with Miyagi as he feels that Miyagi is using him rather than teaching him, but Miyagi eventually shows Daniel that by doing these chores he has been subconsciously learning his defensive blocks used in karate, via muscle memory.

After this Daniel and Miyagi train closer together and at the same time Daniel continues to grow closer to Ali, but its not too long before the tournament is round the corner where Daniel will have to fight in order to gain the respect of his rivals.

THOUGHTS  

There is no doubt that the Karate Kid is a classic film of the martial arts genre, and what's great about it is of course not so much of the emphasis is on the karate as its more on the relationship between Daniel and Mr Miyagi, which is what makes the film work so well.  Director John G.Avildsen, who directed Rocky, uses a similar theme here as he did with Rocky, by using the underdog, with Daniel in a position where he is forced to stand up to his tormentors and in doing he has to learn karate, which he uses in order to fight them and gain their respect.

PERFORMANCES AND NOTABLE SCENES 

Moving onto the performances, the cast are all pretty good here.

Starting with Ralph Macchio who does a fine job as the amiable and plucky Daniel LaRusso, who is tormented by the karate gang of bullies and he learns karate under the tutoring of Mr Miyagi. 

Macchio has many good scenes in the film and to mention a few examples there is for starters the scene where Daniel is knocked off his bike by Johnny's gang while he rides home.  And in the next moment we see Daniel's mum, Lucille arrive at her apartment door and she hears Daniel near by angrily yelling "This damn bike! I hate this bike. I hate this freakin' bike! Stupid bike!" and he throws it into a skip.  And as Lucille tries to find out what is wrong with Daniel he shouts " No you don't want to hear the truth. All you want to hear about is how great it is. Well it may be great for you but it SUCKS for me! I hate this place! I HATE IT! I just want to go home. Why can't we just go home?!".

Then there is the scene where Daniel dances with Ali at a fancy dress school ball and he is wearing a shower curtain as his fancy dress as he pretends to be a shower.  And as they dance Ali says to Daniel of Johnny's bullying "I'd love to see him get some of his own medicine" and Daniel says "Well what goes around comes around" and Ali says "I'd love to be there when it does".  

And in the next scene Daniel while in the bathroom overhears Johnny, who is dressed up as a ghoul and goes into a cubicle to role a joint, so Daniel grabs as nearby hosepipe and attaches it to the bathroom taps and sticks the pipe over Johnny's cubicle and turns on the water and does a runner.  So, as Johnny is drenched in water, Daniel runs out and as he passes by Ali, he says "Its coming around!".  

Then there is the one of the best moments in the film where Daniel confronts Myagi over his unconventional methods of training Daniel in Karate by carrying a series of chores around his house.  

And as Myagi notices Daniel painting his house at night, Daniel snaps and says "Hey, how come you didn't tell me you were goin' fishing?!" and Myagi says "You not here when I go" and Daniel says "Well, maybe I wanted to go, you ever think of that?!".  And Myagi says "Ah you karate training" which causes to Daniel angrily say "I'm WHAT? I'm bein' your goddamn SLAVE is what I'm bein' here man, now c'mon we made a deal here!  So, you're supposed to teach and I'm supposed to learn! For 4 days I've been bustin' my ass, and haven't learned a goddamn thing!".  

And Myagi says "Ah you learn plenty!" and Daniel shouts "I learn plenty, yeah, I learned how to sand your decks maybe. I washed your car, paint your house, paint your fence. I learn plenty!".  And Myagi says to him "Everything not as seem" but Daniel has had enough and says "Oh, bullshit, I'm goin home, man!!" but Myagi calls him back angrily "Daniel san!  Come here!" which leads into the great moment where we see Daniel has subconsciously been learning his blocks.    

Another good scene is when Daniel rubs up Johnny's gang the wrong way after they made their agreement with their sensei, Kreese to leave Johnny alone so they decide to go after Johnny at lunch time.  However luckily as Daniel sees them come toward him he spots a teacher and calls him over and says "Mr. Harris, can I talk to you?  LaRusso. Third period history class.  I wanted to tell you, I really got a lot out of that lecture about the Indians. I was telling my buddies about it.  Could you give us a quick review?".  And the teacher says "Sure, I'm free this period" and all of a sudden, Johnny's gang all make their excuses and go "No, I got to go!".  Its a great moment and a shrewd way for Daniel to get himself out of trouble.    

And lastly there is the scene where Daniel, having been injured by one of the Kobra Kai gang during the tournament, pleads for Myagi to help him mend his leg so he go back out and fight in the final.  And Daniel says to Myagi "Can you fix my leg with that thing you do?" and Myagi says "No need fight anymore.  You proved a point" and Daniel says "What, that I can take a beating? Every time I see those guys, they'll know they got the best of me.  I'll never have balance that way, not with them, not with Ali...not with me".  So Myagi takes a moment then says to Daniel "Close eye" and he then starts to rub his hands to use his pain suppression techniques to help mend Daniel's leg.  

Pat Morita next is great as Mr Miyagi  (or to use his full name Nariyoshi Miyagi) and he also received an oscar nomination for his performance as well, and he plays Miyagi as an eccentric but decent man, who helps out Daniel and during their training they become good friends.

Morita's oscar nomination ironically was actually the result of the scene where he get's drunk and wears his army uniform from his days in the second world war, and he sadly reflects on the death of his wife, who died in childbirth.  But the execs at the time of the film's shooting felt this scene detracted from the pace of the film and felt it should have been cut, which once again just goes to show what they know!

Morita get's most of the film's best dialogue and he has plenty of highlights, which include the scene where Daniel asks Miyagi what kind of belt does he have, i.e. belt in karate status, and Morita shows him his belt around his trousers "JC Penney, $3.98!  Do you like??  In Okinawa belt is only used as a rope to hold up pants!".

Then there is the scene where Miyagi goes with Daniel to confront Kreese over Johnny and his gang and Myagi proposes that Daniel settle their dispute at an upcoming karate tournament.  And in the scene at first Kreese asks "What are you here for, old man?" and Miyagi says "Come ask leave boy alone" and Kreese says "What's the matter, can't the boy take care of his own problems?" and Miyagi says "One to one problem, yes. FIVE to one problem, too much ask anyone!".

And after they arrange for Daniel to fight at the tournament against Johnny and his gang and leave, Daniel says in disbelief to Miyagi "I can't believe this!  What you just got me into!".  And Daniel says "I thought you said you would make things better" and Miyagi says "I did!" and Daniel says "How?" and Miyagi says "How?  I just saved you two months of beating!".    

Also there is the scene where Miyagi has Daniel agree with him to do what he says without question as part of their deal. So, Miyagi says to Daniel "First make sacred pact, I promise teach you katate, that's my part, you do what I say, that your part. Is it a deal?" and Daniel says "Its a deal". So, as Daniel puts out his hand to shake on it, Miyagi reaches down and picks up a wet sponge from a bucket of water an hands it to Daniel. So, Miyagi says "First wash car, then wax all car" and Daniel surprised says "Wait..." and Miyagui interrupts him and snaps "Remember deal!". So, Miyagi then shows Daniel the movements he wants him to use when cleaning his cars, he says the famous line "Wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off, don't forget to breathe, in through the nose out through the mouth, very important!" and as he moves off Daniel asks Miyagi where did he get his cars from and Miyagi answers "Detroit!".

But one of Morita's best scenes is of course where Myagi finally reveals to Daniel what his laborious chores have been about and that they were to train Daniel in using his defensive blocks.  And as Daniel is about to walk away in disgust at feeling used, Miyagi suddenly calls on him "Daniel san!  DANIEL SAN!!" and Daniel wearily asks "What?" and Miyagi says "COME HERE!" and asks Daniel to show him the moves that he has learned by saying e.g. "Show me sand the floor" or "show me paint the fence!".  And at the end of the scene as Daniel bows he looks down and Miyagi testily smacks him on the head and says "Eye!  Always look eye!  Come back tomorrow!".

Then there is the scene where Miyagi and Daniel finish training on the beach he walks up to his truck and Miyagi asks two men to remove their beer bottles of his car.  However the men refuse and one of them says "Do it yourself, Mr Motto!" which leads Miyagi to angrily carry out a karate chop, which cuts the tops of the bottles off without the bottles dropping on the ground, which scares the men into removing the bottle.  Daniel looks on amazed and then says "How did you do that???!" and Miyagi smiles and replies "Don't know.  First time!".

Another scene worth a mention is when Miyagi takes Daniel out on a boat in the sea, where Daniel stands on the bow of the boat and practices his moves while also learning to keep his balance.  And in the scene Daniel asks Miyagi "When can I learn to punch?" and Miyagi says to him "Learn to punch when first learn how to keep dry!" and he rocks the boat, which sends Daniel falling into the water, which causes Miyagi to burst out laughing.  And Miyagi laughs saying "Oh, Daniel-san!  YOU ALL WET BEHIND THE EAR!! HA HA HA!!!".

And lastly there is the scene where Miygai gives Daniel one of his cars that Daniel had previously washed as a gift and in the scene Daniel says how he feels scared about the upcoming tournament.  And Miyagi says "You remember lesson about balance?" and Daniel says "Yeah" and Miyagi tells him "Lesson not just karate only. Lesson for whole life. Whole life have a balance. Everything be better. Understand?".  And Daniel, touched, says "You're the best friend I ever had" and Miyagi smiles and says "You pretty ok, too!".  And as Daniel drives off, Miyagi wishes him luck and shouts "Banzai!! Daniel-san!  BANZAI!!".    

Elisabeth Shue is also pretty good (and pretty!) as Daniel's love interest, Ali, as she plays her as a nice girl, who falls for Daniel, but at the same time she has to contend with her jealous ex-boyfriend, Johnny, Daniel's nemesis who stands between the fledgling relationship.  Elisabeth and Ralph also both share a nice on-screen chemistry together in their scenes and their fledgling romance is a nice one that works well as the film progresses.    

To save time I won't mention many of Elisabeth's scenes but I will mention the one where Ali tells Daniel about Johnny being her ex.  So Ali says "Remember that guy you had trouble with on the beach?" and Daniel says "Yeah, King Karate?" and Ali says "He's my ex-boyfriend" and Daniel says "Oh that's good to know..." but all of a sudden he starts to talk to himself "What? Yeah you're right".  And Ali asks "What are you doing?" and Daniel says "Its this little voice in my head telling I've got to be nuts to be talking to you!".  And Ali says "It doesn't matter anyway, because its over" and Daniel asks "How over?" and Ali walks away saying "Weeks!" and Daniel follows her anxiously asking "One week, five weeks?!  How many weeks is "weeks".  

Then there is the scene where after Daniel receives his last beating from Johnny and his crew, next day at school, Ali sees him and angrily says "Right that's it! Its enough, Daniel!" and goes off to confront Johnny and Daniel interrupts her and says "No, its OK! Watch". So, he goes up to Johnny and his friends and teases them "How you doing? How's your arm? Remember not to step infront of any buses!". So, as Johnny is angry one of his friends reminds him they are not to touch Daniel and Daniel and Ali walk off, Ali surprised says "I should have kept my mouth shut" and Daniel says "Ah well but who would listen?" and Ali says "Me" and the two of them agree to a date.

Martin Kove is great as the main antagonist of the film, Kreese, the ruthless Cobrai Kai karate instructor, and he too get's plenty of classic lines, one such line is a classic where he says to his students during class "Pain does not exist in this dojo!" "fear does not exist in this dojo!".

Kove's main highlight is the scene where Daniel and Mr Miyagi pay Kreese a visit and Miyagi asks Kreese to have Johnny leave Daniel alone and Kreese says "This is a karate dojo, not a knitting class! Now get your boy on the mat or we'll have a problem!".  Miyagi then says "Too much advantage, your dojo" and Kreese then says "Name a place" and Miyagi having spotted the karate tounament poster behind him says "Tournament!" and Kreese says "You've got some nerve, old man but I think we can accommodate you". So, when Miyagi asks Kreese the favour of leaving Daniel alone to train, Kreese almost laughs and says "You're pushy little bastard, aren't you?!  But I like that!".  And Kreese then addresses his class and says "Alright then!  No one is to touch the prima donna until the tournament!  Is that understood?!" and the whole class shouts "YES, SENSEI!!".  But then Kreese goes on to warn Miyagi of Daniel "but if he doesn't show, then its open season on him and you!".

And of course there is the scene later on during the climactic fight between Daniel and Johnny where he says to Johnny "sweep the leg!" referring to Daniel's injured leg and Johnny looks shocked and Kreese says "You got a problem with that?!" and Johnny says "No, sensei".  John G Avildsen also amusingly gave Kreese a unique piece of direction throughout the film, which was never to smile, and Kove manages to do that really well and instead he proves a few smug smirks. 

Which brings me onto William Zabka as Johnny, who isn't bad in his role as Daniel's nemesis, although ultimately due to his bleach blonde hairdo he doesn't always looks that threatening or convincing as a baddie!

However Zabka notably took a real interest in the martial arts after the film was made and he kept it up, and throughout you can see how effective he is in the practice of the martial arts.  Zabka's best scene is probably in the sequence where at the school prom (dressed in a ghoul outfit) Danny plays a practical joke on him, dousing him in water from a hosepipe fed into his toilet cubicle, to which Johnny soon chases and catches up with Daniel.

So after Johnny catches up with Daniel, he grabs him and shouts "You couldn't leave well alone, could you, you little twerp!  Well now you're gonna pay!".  And when Johnny beats Daniel up further, one of his gang, Bobby (Ron Thomas) protests saying Daniel's had enough and Johnny says "I SAY WHEN HE'S HAD ENOUGH!" and he looks to Daniel and says "No mercy, man!  No mercy!" and he moves to kick him but all of a suddeny Miyagi shows and whops their asses!      

WARNING: NEXT SCENE IS THE FINAL ONE IN THE FILM!!

And Zabka's last scene where Johnny fights against Daniel is also pretty good, even though again he wears a pretty cheesy angry look as he prepares to fight him.  Zabka also has a great little moment where during his final fight scene with Daniel, he has a timeout where he goes to his corner and Kreese says to him to "sweep the leg" i.e. Daniel's injured leg (during a previous round in the tournament) and Kreese angrily says "you have a problem with that?!" and Johnny looks shocked and says "No sensei".  Its a great moment as Johnny realises how for Kreese this is more a personal victory over Daniel and Miyagi than a victory for Johnny. So, in the last moment of the fight, Daniel adopts the crane technique pose and wins the title with a kick to Johnny's face and afterward, Johnny impressed with Daniel's win, hands the trophy to him and says "You're alright, Larusso, good match!".  

And finally I will quickly mention Randee Heller as Lucille LaRusso, Daniel's mother, who puts in a rather corny and excessively cheery performance but at the same time manages to show Lucille to be an endearing mum. However, this doesn't remove the rather mortifying moment she has of picking up Daniel and Ali for their date and dropping them off, only later on arriving just in time to embarrass Daniel in front of Johnny and his friends to slag him off for being picked up by his mommy.

However Heller does share a good scene with Macchio when Daniel angrily throws his bike in a skip, as he has just been pushed off the road by Johnny and his classmates.  And in the scene Lucille asks Daniel "Can you tell me what's going on and don't tell me about another bike accident?!" and Daniel asks "What do you want to hear mom?" and Lucille says "I want to hear the truth!".  And Daniel refuses to say exactly what is going on but insists he has to take karate lessons and Lucille says "But fighting doesn't solve anything Daniel!" and Daniel says "Well neither does palm trees, mom!" and she says "That's not fair!".  And Daniel says "Like it was fair coming over here without asking me how I felt about it. Right, that was real fair!" and Lucille takes a moment and says " You're right. I should've asked".  

DIRECTOR AND MUSIC 

Getting onto the direction, John G. Avildsen does a fine job here and he keeps the pace moving along nicely, and he does a great job in bringing the characters to life and making them endearing to an audience, also largely thanks Mark Robert Kamen's fine screenplay, which is both funny and charming. Avildsen, having previously directed Rocky, also knows a thing or two about staging fight scenes so its worth mentioning he does an excellent job here at staging the karate fight scenes during the tournament and Daniel's encounters with Johnny's gang.   

As for the music score, Bill Conti provides the music as he did for Avildsen's Rocky and its another fine one from Conti and it features a pleasant theme tune, which isn't as instantly memorable as Rocky but it captures the Eastern theme of the film nicely.  Its also worth noting that the score for the film features pan flute solos by the Romanian musician, Gheorge Zamfir, which feature in the film's main theme itself.

The film however does use a pretty cheesy synth pop song "You're the best" by Joe Esposito, which is one of the film's more cringeworthy aspects and one of the weaker parts of the film's soundtrack.  Regardless of this though and a few other cheesy sounding 80's songs thrown in for good measure, the soundtrack is for the most part fairly good.   

FLAWS (Warning: this section may contain spoilers!) 

As for Karate Kid flaw wise.... well yes the film has one or two here and there.

And to start off first of all we have Johnny, who doesn't make for a very effective antagonist as he is morely just like a spoilt yuppie brat, with a ridiculous blonde hairdo, who fails to convince in his role as Daniel's nemesis.  And yet the remake of the film years later with Jade Smith and Jackie Chan had a far more vicious young baddie, a young boy named Cheng (played by Zhenwei Wang) who really kicked some serious ass in comparison and really gave off an aura of someone you wouldn't want to mess with. 

You could also say the whole thing of Miyagi's pain suppression technique is a bit daft, particularly in how he can use it to reduce the pain of Daniel's leg injury during the film's final fight scene (sorry SPOILER!!).  Yet after Daniel goes out to fight he is still limping and despite during his fight with Johnny, Johnny injures Daniel's leg again, but somehow Daniel can still find the energy to stand up and fight on!

I also felt that the romance between Daniel and Ali, while it has its charm and they have a nice chemistry, the sequence where they go on a date was a bit slow and it drags the pace of the film down a bit, especially during the mid-section of the film where you are more keen to see Daniel to do his karate training.  Not only that though but to get back to Daniel himself, during this sequence you can't but help feel mortified for him when his mother, Lucille turns up at the end of the date to pick him up in front of Ali's high school friends!  

Another daft thing about the film was how Daniel had to pretend he was a black belt to get into the tournament yet Kreese said he thought they could accommodate him for the event in the first place!  If that was the case then surely he wouldn't have to worry about all this regardless.  And not only that Miyagi has no clue about how karate works on a tournament level and the points system involved, which is fair enough I guess, but Daniel never even thought to ask about it either!  But then again he is just a young kid after all so I guess he wouldn't have thought that far ahead. Its just as well then that Ali knew the rules for the point based system in the tournament otherwise they wouldn't have had a clue!  

Further to this point, when Daniel turns up to sign in for the tournament, he is told by one of the staff at the desk that only brown belt students or above can enter the tournament, so Miyagi blags a black belt from a nearby open bag, since Daniel has no belt rating. However, this is something not even Kreese mentions even though he said he could accommodate Daniel at the event and again neither Daniel or Miygai bother to find out the tournament setup! Further even to this, Kreese said it would be "open season" on Daniel if he didn't show but he did fail to mention about the belt rating system, so if Daniel did tell the truth, then he couldn't enter anyway, so ultimately he had no choice but to lie regardless. Ah well, that's Hollywood film logic for you. ;-) 

And lastly the film's final scene (SPOILER!!!) is also a bit cringeworthy with Daniel triumphing in his fight, with Mr Miyagi looking on in pride and how they use that as a freeze frame shot to end the film was also pretty corny and cringeworthy.  And surely they could have finished it in a better way than that, although John G Avildsen seems to like using final freeze frame shots to end his movies, just like he did in Rocky.

One last note further to all this (my favourite word is further it appears ha ha!) its a bit improbable to say the least that Daniel could win the tournament despite having NO experience whatsoever in karate tournaments or having even fought ANY other opponent either before this either! Yet somehow, he does make it through thanks to the quick tips from Ali and I guess to be fair, Miyagi's training, but even at that its still pretty far fetched.  

Anyway that's it for the flaws!

SUM UP   

So to sum up, The Karate Kid is still a highly entertaining film, which to this day is still the best of the three films, with Parts II and III (also directed by Avildsen) being still enjoyable but not in the same class as this one.

And years later, the film was remade starring Jackie Chan and Jade Smith (son of Will Smith) except the main difference being it was set in China, and Jackie Chan taught Jade kung-fu instead of karate, and for the most part it is almost a scene for scene remake of the original, but its still a good film as well in its own right.  Is it as good the original here??  Well its close but not quite, although it does have a much more menacing villain in Cheng than the stroppy blonde haired Johnny.

So, 40 years on, The Karate Kid is definitely still worth a look and I can certainly recommend it.

So, with that said, I will rate the film:

9 out of 10

So, that's it for now guys and I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and I will hopefully be back with another post before the New Year.

Until then Merry Christmas! 

Troy - 20th Anniversary Review "HECTOR!!!!!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, its time for another post and this one is yet another revisit but its actually in a way a themed one, which will be a revisit of the historical epic war film, Troy starring Brad Pitt, which celebrates its 20th anniversary this year, so thought I would give it another look.

And with that said, let's take another at this historical epic 20 years on from its release and see how it fares...

So, the usual warning is coming...

PLOT SPOILERS ARE AHEAD!!!

STORY  

So the story begins with prince Hector of Troy (Eric Bana) and his younger brother Paris (Orlando Bloom) signing a peace treaty with Menelaus (Brendan Gleason) the king of Sparta and celebrate the end of a long bloody war.  Paris however has been having a secret love affair with Menelaus's young and beautiful wife, Helen of Sparta (Diane Kruger) and he smuggles her aboard their homebound ship much to the anger of Hector who says this could lead to war between Troy and Greece.  

Menelaus is outraged to find his wife missing and then goes to see his older brother, the ruthless King Agamemnon (Brian Cox) and asks for his help to take Troy over, who agrees as he has been wanting to conquer Troy for a long time so he can take control of the Aegean sea.  One of the Greek kings, Odysseus (Sean Bean) pays a visit to the legendary Greek warrior Achilles (Brad Pitt) asking him to join the fight, however Achilles is initially reluctant as he despises Agamemnon and dislikes his ways.  Achilles however soon changes his mind after he speaks to his mother, Thetis (Julie Christie) who tells him that if he goes to fight his name will be remembered throughout the ages but he will never return home.

Meanwhile in Troy, King Priam (Peter O'Toole) greets Hector and Paris even though he is initially dismayed at Helen's presence he welcomes her and allows her to stay as he realises if they sent her home then Paris would likely follow her and be killed so instead decides that the Trojans should engage the Greeks in battle.  The Greeks arrive soon after and take the beach, mainly with the help of Achilles and his Myrmidons (warriors who trained and served under Achilles) who also travels along with his cousin Patroclus (Garrett Hedlund) who Achilles is very protective of and refuses to let him fight. 

Achilles and his men soon sack the temple of Apollo and are then confronted by Hector and his Trojan troops  but Achilles tells Hector to go and return to the city, which he does.  Achilles later claims a Trojan priestess, Briseis (Rose Byrne) but Agamemnon takes her from Achilles out of spite which angers Achilles who then refuses to help Agamemnon continue their fight against Troy.

The next day the Trojans and Greeks meet outside the walls of Troy and Hector and Paris face Agamemnon and Menelaus and Hector remains defiant against Agamemnon's wishes to call on Troy's army whenever he wishes.  Paris however offers to take on Menelaus in combat for the right to take Helen to end the war, which Menelaus appears to agree with but quietly tells Agamemnon to attack after he has killed Paris.  

Paris and Menelaus then engage in combat but Menelaus quickly overpowers him and as he is about to kill Paris, Paris crawls back to Hector who kills Menelaus, after this Agamemnon engages his army in battle with the Trojans but they are overwhelmed by the Trojan's defences and are forced to retreat.  Agamemenon later is forced to try and make peace with Achilles at the insistance of two of his fellow Kings, Odysseus and Nestor (John Shrapnel).  Agamemnon however has given Briseis to the men who attempt to rape her but are stopped by Achilles who rescues her and takes her back to his tent where they fall for one another.

The next day Achilles continues to refuse to fight for Agamemnon despite Odysseus's best efforts, but during the following night the Trojans launch an attack on the Greeks using fireballs.  The Trojans however are buoyed by the appearance of Achilles who engages in hand to hand combat with Hector only to have his throat cut.  Hector however on removing his opponent's helmet discovers it is Patroclus and not Achilles and out of mercy kills him to end his suffering.  

As a result of this Achilles is enraged and then goes to face Hector in combat himself, which after an a mostly even battle, Achilles eventually gains the upper hand and kills Hector and proceeds to tie and drag his body behind his chariot back to Greek base. King Priam later discreetly visits Achilles at night and asks that he allow him to take Hector's body back and that he give his son the proper burial rites and rituals, which out of respect, Achilles agrees to which means for 12 days no Greek will attack Troy.  

However during this time the Greeks use this time to create a strategy to invade Troy from within, as Odysseus has his men construct a large wooden horse, which Pream takes a gift from the Gods and has it wheeled it into the city gates. So, from here, its leads into the film's climax with the Greeks emerging from inside the horse to carry out their plan to sack Troy...

THOUGHTS 

As a historical epic war film, Troy is very entertaining and it largely succeeds in telling the story of Homer's Illiad, which narrated the story of the 10 year Trojan war although it did receive some criticism from historians for being inaccurate in its depiction of the epic poem itself.  The film is visually stunning and made an impressive scale which is understandable given its 175 million dollar budget.  Troy was however in addition to its original theatrical release also had a director's cut as well which clocked in at 196 minutes, which was 34 minutes longer than the theatrical release which expands on certain scenes particularly the battle scenes and the sacking of Troy, although I would say my preference would be the original cut myself.

PERFORMANCES AND NOTABLE SCENES (Warning: this section may contain spoilers!)

Performance wise Troy is also largely quite impressive with most of the cast on excellent form.

Starting with Brad Pitt who excels at playing the muscular role of Achilles and he effortlessly handles the film intense action scenes.  And even though Brad's accent seems to go on a bit of a walkabout at times between being English and American he still effectively delivers his dialogue. 

Brad's highlights in the film which include the scene near the start of the film where Achilles is awoken by a young boy messanger (who I could swear was a girl!) who tells him that Agememnon has requested  him to do battle.  And in the scene the young boy says to Achilles "That Thessalian, he's the biggest man I've ever seen!  I wouldn't want to fight him" and Achilles says "And that is why no one will remember your name". 

Then in the next scene, Achilles confronts a giant Thessalian warrior champion, Boagrius (Nathan Jones) and before he fights him, he has a little verbal spat with Agamemnon and says to him "Perhps YOU should fight him!". So, Achille relcutantly decides to go ahead with the fight and says to himself "Imagine a king that fights his own battles! Wouldn't that be a sight!" and he slams his spear into the ground (confident he doesn't need it).  

So as Achilles fights Boagrius, he takes him out with one swing of his sword and he then goes over to the Thessalian army and shouts "IS THERE NO ONE ELSE??!!" and is met with a stoney silence. Boagrius's defeated king, Triopas, stunned asks Achilles "What's your name, solider?" and Achilles says "Achilles, son of Pelius" and Triopas tells him "I will remember the name" and he holds out a sceptre to him and says "Take this to your king" and Achilles defiantly says to him "He's not my king" and walks off. 

Another good scene comes when Achilles meets reluctantly with Agamemnon and as the two begins the scene together, Achilles refers to their successful sacking of the temple "Apparently you won some great victory". Agamemnon arrogantly says to him "Perhaps you didn't notice. The beach belonged Priam in the morning. It belongs to Agamemnon in the afternoon" and Achilles unimpressed tells him "You can have the beach. I didn't come here for sand!". Agamemnon then tells Achilles "No, you wanted to come here because you want your name to last throughout the ages!". 

Agamemnon then goads Achilles by bringing in Briseis, who Achilles had brought to his tent earlier after the sacking of the temple and Achilles warns Aga's men to let her go. So, he warns them "No argument with you, brothers! But if you don't release her, you'll never see home again! Decide!". Agamemnon then grabs Briseis and goads Achilles further and says to him "Mighty Achilles, silenced by a slave girl. Tonight I'll have her give me a bath, and then, who knows?!". Achilles by now is furious and he points his sword at Agamemnon and shouts "You sack of wine!  Before my time is done I will look down on your corpse and smile!".  

Then there is the scene where Achilles confronts Hector in battle after he arrives in his chariot he yells out "HECTOR!" repeatedly until Hector comes down to face him.  And in the scene Achilles starts by removing his helmet and says "Now YOU know who you are fighting!" and he continues on by saying "You won't have eyes tonight; you won't have ears or a tongue. You will wander the underworld blind, deaf, and dumb, and all the dead will know: This is Hector. The fool who thought he killed Achilles!".   

And last of all is the scene where Priam meets with Achilles at night in his tent on the beach and pleads with him to give his son, Hector back to him, so he can have a proper funeral. So, Achilles in the scene says to Priam "Even if I do give him back to you, it doesn't change anything, you are still my enemy in the morning". Priam however then says "You are still my enemy tonight but even enemies can show respect". Achilles then takes a moment and says "I admire your courage. Wait for a moment and meet me outside". 

So, outside Achilles goes over to Hector's body and sobs and says to him "We will meet again soon, brother" and covers him over. So, Achilles then returns to Piram and tells him "Your son was the best I've fought. The funeral games last for 12 days in my country" and Priam says "They are the same in mine". So, Achilles then says "Then it is settled, no Greek shall attack Troy for 12 days" and as Achilles agrees for Briseis to go back with Priam, he says to him "You are a much better King than the one that leads this army" i.e. referring to Agememon.  

Eric Bana is also very good in his role as Hector, the brave and heroic prize warrior of Troy who get's embroiled in war with Greece.  

Bana also has some good moments such as the scene where Paris reveals to him that he smuggled Helen onboard their ship and Hector angrily orders his ship to be turned back for Sparta to return her.

So, as they argue, Paris says "If you want to take Helen back to Sparta, so be it, but I go with her" and Hector says "To Sparta?! They'll kill you!". So, Paris naively says to his brother "Then, I'll die fighting!" and Hector angrily says to him "Oh, and that sounds heroic to you, doesn't it? To die fighting. Little brother, have you ever killed a man?" and Paris says "No" and Hector asks again "Ever seen a man die in combat?" and Paris again says "No" and Hector angrily tells him "Well, I've killed men, and I've heard them dying. And I've watched them dying. And there's nothing glorious about it! Nothing poetic! You say you want to die for love. You know nothing about dying and you know nothing about love!". Paris then says "All the same, I go with her. I won't you ask to fight my war" but Hector bitterly says to him "You already have!" and tells his men to set sail instead for Troy.    

Then there is the scene where Hector faces Agamemnon and tells him "You want me to look upon your army and tremble? Well I see them. I see 50,000 men brought here to fight for one man's greed!".  And as Aga warns him that his mercy has its limits Hector angrily says "And I've seen the limits of your mercy and I tell you now, no son of Troy will ever submit to a foreign ruler!" and Agamenon cruelly says to him "Then ever son of Troy shall die!". Paris however at this point interrupts and makes an offer to fight for Helen against Menelaus, who accepts the offer to fight Paris. Paris then anxiously tells Hector "If I fall tell Helen...tell her..." and Hector grabs him and says to him "You think of his sword and yours and nothing else!". 

Another good scene for Bana is Hector's fight scene with Achilles were Hector starts off by saying to Achilles saying " I've seen this moment in my dreams. I'll make a pact with you. With the gods as our witnesses, let us pledge that the winner will allow the loser all the proper funeral rituals" and Achilles defiantly says "There are no pacts between lions and men!" and he removes his helmet and says "Now you know who you are fighting!". Hector then regretfully says to Achilles "I thought it was you I was fighting yesterday. And I wish it had been, but I gave the dead boy the honor he deserved".  

As for the other cast members, Diane Kruger is excellent in her role as Helen of Troy/Sparta who engages in an extremely costly love affair with Paris.  

Kruger also has some good moments in the film which include the scene where Paris sneaks in and meets with Helen near the start of the film and he tells her not to be afraid of her husband Menelaus and she says "I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of tomorrow. I'm afraid of watching you sail away and knowing you'll never come back".  

And then later there is the scene where Paris tries to offer an alternative to Helen to try and prevent the Greeks going to war with Troy.  And he naively says regarding Menelaus "Then I will walk right up to your husband and tell him that your mine!" and Helen kisses him and says "You are very young my love".  

And later on as Helen desparately tries to leave Troy during the night, Hector stops her before she can and sobs at the hopelessness of her situation. So, Hector spots Helen in the scene wearing a cloak and he runs after her and shouts "Helen! Wait!" and he grabs her and she cries. So, Helen tearfully tells Hector "I saw them burn. I saw them burning on the pyres. That's my fault. It is. You know it is. All those widows. I still hear them screaming. Their husbands died because I'm here. I'm going down to the ships". Helen then says to Hector "I'm giving myself back to Menelaus" but Hector tells her "It's too late for that. Do you think Agamemnon cares about his brother's marriage? This is about power. Not love!". Helen however says to Hector "I can't ask anyone to fight for me" but Hector tries to encourage her by saying "Your princess of Troy now and my brother needs you tonight".

Orlando Bloom however is the weak link in the cast here as Paris and while he is not a terrible actor by any means, he's that great here either, as I usually nickname him Orlando Bland (sorry!). All the same, this is still a fairly decent performance from Bloom all things considered but its no real different than listening to him as the Elf warrior in the Lord of the Rings.

Still, I will mention one of his scenes where Paris decides to try and end the bloody conflict between the Trojans and the Greeks by challenging Menelaus in one on one combat for the right to Helen.

So, in the scene, Paris during a meeting with high ranking officials and Prias and Hector, Paris says to them "There won't be a war. This is not a conflict of nations. It is a dispute between two men. I don't want to see another Trojan die because of me. Tomorrow morning, I will challenge Menelaus for the right to Helen. The winner will take her home. The loser will burn before nightfall!". 

And after the meeting, Paris speaks to his father, Prias "Father…I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you"
and Prias asks him "Do you love her?" and Paris tell him "You are a great king because you love your country so much. Every blade of grass. Every grain of sand. Every rock in the river. You love all of Troy. That is the way I love Helen". 

Brian Cox is also excellent as the ruthless and power hungry king Agamemnon who is determined to conquer Troy.  

Cox also has quite a few highlights in the film which include the scene where Aga (call him that for short!) meets with Achilles and taunts him by bringing Briseis in front of him and saying to Achilles "The spoils of war!" which enrages Achilles who warns the men to let her go or he will kill them and Agamemnon gloats and says "Mighty Achilles, silenced by a slave girl. Tonight I'll have her give me a bath, and then, who knows?!".  

Another good scene is when Aga confronts Hector and Paris outside the city walls of Troy and he says to them ""I see you're not hiding behind your high walls. Valiant of you. Ill-advised, but valiant. And he then states his demands to Hector "I have two wishes. If you grant them, no more of your people need die. First, you must give Helen back to my brother. Second, Troy must submit to my command, to fight for me whenever I call".  And as Hector defies Aga's wishes, Aga nastily says to him "Then every son of Troy, shall die!".

And lastly there is the scene where after Agamemnon's initial attack on Troy's walls fails, he is back at his tent later on, ranting at his failure and one of the kings, Odysseus (who Achilles trusts) insists he must make peace with Achilles. 

So, he shouts at Odysseus "Achilles is just one man!" and Odysseus shouts "Hector is just one man and look at what he did to us today!" and Agamemnon shouts back ""Hector fights for his country! Achilles fights only for himself!". Odysseus however angrily shouts at Agamemnon "I don't care about the man's allegiances, I care about his ability to win battles!". Agamemnon then rants ""Even if I could make peace with Achilles, the man won't listen to me! He's as likely to spear me as to speak to me!" but Odysseus tells him "I'll talk to him. He'll want the girl back" meaning Briesis. So, after Odysseus asks where she is, Agamemnon wearily tells him "I gave her to the men. They need some amusement after today!".  

Sean Bean is also very good in his role as the wise King Odysseus, the only man whom Achilles will listen to.  

Bean has some good scenes as well such as the scene where Another good scene comes when Odysseus visits Achilles near the start of the film and Achilles throws his spear into a tree quite near him and Odysseus smiles saying "Your reptuation for hospitality is fast becoming legend!" and tries to persuade Achilles to fight for Greece again in taking Troy he says "This war will never be forgotten, nor will the heroes who fight in it".

Odysseus and Nestor try to persuade Agamemnon to get Achilles back on their side to help them take Troy and as Aga shouts "Achilles is just one man!" and Odysseus shouts "Hector is just one man and look at what he did to us today!" and Agamemnon shouts back ""Hector fights for his country! Achilles fights only for himself!" Odysseus says " I don't care about the man's alliegence, I care about his ability to win battles!".  

And last of all is the scene where Hector unwittingly kills Patroclus in battle, as he presumed he was facing Achilles (who was wearing Achilles body armour and helmet). So, in the scene after Hector kills Patroclus out of mercy, Hector feeling remorse having killed Patroclus says "No more fighting today" and Odysseys agrees and says of Achilles "It was his cousin". Then Eudorus (Vincent Regan) Achille's second in command looks down on Patroclus's body and says "We were going to sail home today" and Oydsseus grimly says "No one is going home now".   

And the last few I will quickly mention Rose Byrne who is good in her role as the priestess, Briseis who becomes romantically attached to Achilles.

So, I will mention just one of her scenes, which is the one where Briseis has been captured and taken to Achilles tent. 

So, in the scene, Briesis remains quiet as Achilles removes his armour and washes himself and he asks her "What's your name?" but she remains silent and Achilles asks "Did you not hear me?" and Briseis angrily tells him "You killed Apollo's priests!" but Achilles says to her "I've killed men in five countries but never a priest!". Briseis then spitefully says to Achilles "Then your men did! The sun god will have his vengeance!" and Achilles warily tells her "What is he waiting for?" and she says to him "The right time to strike!". Briseis then angrily shouts at Achilles "You're nothing but a killer! You know nothing about the Gods!" but Achilles says to her he knows more about them than she does and asks her name again and says to her "You're royalty, aren't you? You spent your life talking down to men!". 

Achilles asks her name again "Even servants of Apollo have names" and she tells him "Briseis" and he asks her "Are you afraid, Briseis?" and she asks him "Should I be?". However, they are briefly interrupted by Eudorous, his second in command and after he leave, Achilles says to her at the end of the scene "You don't need to fear me, girl. You're the only Trojan that can say that".  

Saffron Burrows is also pretty good (and pretty) in the part of Hector's wife, Andromach although she isn't given much of a role in the film, which is a pity. 

However, I will mention one of Saffron's scenes which is the one where Andromache pleads with Hector to not fight against the Greeks.

So, in the scene, Hector recalls his surprise at Achilles skill as a warrior and says "The man who killed Tecton outside Apollo's temple, I've never seen a spear thrown like that". Andromache is more worried about Hector however and pleads with him "Don't go tomorrow. Please don't go" but Hector reassures her "Paris fights tomorrow, not me" however Andromache warns him "Fifty thousand Greeks didn't cross the sea…to watch your brother fight. You know this" and Hector tries to smile and says "You'd make a fine general, my love". Andromache continues to beg him "You've been fighting your whole life. Let other men do battle this time" and Hector tells her "You know I don't want to fight. I want to see my son grow tall.I want to see the girls chasing after him" but Andromache becomes more emotional and says to him "I can't lose you. I won't survive".

Peter O'Toole is also pretty good in the film even if his performance is somewhat hammy as King Priam and there is an amusing scene in the director's cut (or rather unintentionally so!) where Priam faints in shock after witnessing Achilles kill his son Hector.  

O'Toole also has some good lines in the film as well such as in the scene where Paris brings Helen home and Priam greets her. So, in the scene, Paris introduces Helen "Father, this is Helen" and Priam asks in surprise "Helen of Sparta?" and Paris tells him "Helen of Troy" and Priam gracefully says to her "I have heard rumors of your beauty. And for once, the gossip is right!" and he kisses her welcomingly on both cheeks. 

WARNING: BIG SPOILER IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH!

And lastly, I will mention the scene where Priam pays a sneaky visit to Achilles's tent the night after Achilles kills Hector in a one on one fight for revenge over Patroclus's death. 

So, in the scene enters his tent to see Priam and Achilles asks him "Who are you?" and Priam emotionally says "I have endured what no one on earth has endured before. I kissed the hands of the man who killed my son". Achilles then realises who he is and asks "How did you get in here?" and Priam tells him "I think I know my land better than the Greeks do and Achilles says to him "You're a brave man. I could have had your head on a spit in the blink of an eye". Priam however remains somewhat defiant of Achilles warning and says to him "Do you really think death frightens me now? I watched my eldest son die, watched you drag his body behind your chariot. Give him back to me. He deserves a proper burial, you know that. Give him to me". Achilles however is unwilling and tells Priam "He killed my cousin" and Priam says to him "He thought it was you. How many cousins have you killed? How many sons and fathers and brothers and husbands? How many, brave Achilles?".

So, after some time in the scene, Achilles appears to swayed by Priam's words and relents and allows him to take back Hector's body. However, Achilles warns Priam "I admire your courage. But even if I give you him back, you're still my enemy in the morning" and Priam tells Achilles "You're still my enemy tonight but even enemies can show respect".

And last of all is Brendan Gleason who is great in his role as King Menelaus who is out for revenge after his wife, Helen, leaves him for Paris.  

And Gleason also has some good moments especially the scene where Menelaus fights with Paris and in the scene before they fight Menelaus says to Paris "I accept your challenge and tonight I shall drink to your bones!". So, as the two of them begin to fight, its pretty clear that Menelaus has the upper hand is too experienced and strong a warrior for Paris.  

So as Menelaus beats Paris and knocks him to the crowd, having slashed his leg, he moves into kill Paris and teases him by saying "See the crowes, they've never tasted prince before!".  And Paris suddenly get's up and runs away leaving Menelaus disgusted, he shouts up at Helen "IS THIS WHAT YOU LEFT ME FOR???!!!". And as Paris crawls away, Menelaus shouts after him disgusted "FIGHT ME! YOU COWARD! FIGHT ME! WE HAVE A PACT!". 

Paris then crawls over to Hector and desparately holds onto him as Menelaus rants at them both "This is NOT honor! This is not worthy of ROYALTY! If he doesn't fight, Troy is doomed!" but Hector firmly tells Menelaus "The fight is over!". Menelaus however remains defiant and shouts "The fight is NOT over! Stand back, Prince Hector! I'll kill him at your feet! I don't care!" but Hector angrily spits back "He is MY brother!". So, as Menelaus makes to kill Paris, Hector quickly takes out his sword and stabs Menelaus right through the chest, who soon collapses and dies leaving his brother, Agamemnon enraged as they launch their attack on Troy (unsuccessfully at this point though!).

DIRECTOR AND MUSIC 

Finally moving onto the director, Wolfgang Petersen who does a fine job in keeping the story moving along despite the film's length it never really lags too much (although the director's cut is just a bit too long at nearly 3 hours and 20 minutes!).  Petersen also confidently handles the film's epic and bloody battle scenes very well as they well staged and Achilles and Hector's fight is also well done, which does last just over 3 minutes but its certainly alot longer than all of Achilles other battles in the film! So overall, Petersen does an excellent job here with the film.  

The film also features a very good score by the late James Horner although it does appear he has nicked the odd moment or two from Maurice Jarre's Lawrence of Arabia score here and there! However, the score still has a very impressive grandiose feel to it and it is very suited to the period and tone of the film itself. Horner himself interestingly enough was a late replacement for another composer, Gabriel Yared, who's score gathered a negative response during the film's test screening, so Horner composed the film's score within just 4 weeks. Horner himself tragically died later in 2015 in a plane crash, as he was manning a small aircraft that crashed in California, he was aged 61. 

FLAWS (Warning: this section may contain spoilers!)

As for Troy's flaws.... its not quite a perfect film of course and there are some niggles. For a start the film's dialogue at times is pretty cringeworthy for an epic you do get some almost obligatory cheesy lines for the actors to chew on and here Troy is no exception!  

And there are a few wopppers here and there but the worst one comes from Eric Bana when he tells his wife sadly that he must face Achilles and he says "I want live in peace, grow old and I want to see my boy grow and watch him chase the girls!".  And another cracker comes from Orlando Bloom when Paris says to his father King Priam "You are such a great King because the way you love all your lands.  And that is the way in which I love Helen!". Uggghhhh!!

Another issue I had with the film was more to do with the director's cut which does add some rather unecessary moments here and there I also felt the sacking of Troy was suddenly made far more graphically violent which I found a bit off-putting.  Some of the film's battle scenes in the director's cut were also made a bit more bloody and violent than necessary in certain moments as well.  And yes as I previously mentioned the director's cut in general is just a bit too long!  

I was also a little disppointed in a way by how the fight scene ultimately ended between Achilles and Hector where Achilles doesn't even get as much as a scratch (except on his armour) against Hector and I was hoping he would have sustained some sort of injury to make the battle that bit more even than it was.  However Achilles ultimaltey met his own demise at his heel as we all know!   

And now for the film's biggest flaw, well for me anyway, which comes in the scene when the Trojans launch an attack on the beach by firing large fireballs at the Greeks.  And earlier in the film Achilles had a fallout with Agamemnon and as a result refused to fight for him.  OK.  So that in mind when the big fireballs are rolling down on the beech and all the men are screaming and flailing about and there is lot of noise, Achilles does not ONCE bother to step out of his tent to find out what is going on!!!  And he doesn't step outside until the next morning only by then to find that there are quite a few casualties including his cousin Patroclus! 

Now if I were Achilles, the greatest warrior of all time and there was all that commotion going on I think I would even take a peak outside just to see what the hell was going on! And for me it remains the silliest part of the film which makes little sense especially as many Greek soldiers died as a result as well as Patroclus and if Achilles had bothered to take his selfish ass outside and fight then he might have prevented Patroclus's death and ultimately wouldn't have needed to fought and killed Hector.  But hey that's allegedy how the story went, but personally I think its just a daft scene.  

HISTORICAL INACCURACIES (OR GREEK MYTHIOLOGICAL INACCURACIES!) 

And I can't finish without saying something about the inaccuracies in the film's depiction of Homer's Illiad as there are indeed quite a few shown here. 

For starters, the film depicts the war as being quite short but in accordance to Illiad, the Greek Tojan war actually lasted over a period of 10 years but we certainly don't get that in the film, as its appears to be over the space of a few weeks! So, yeah a bit of a devitation from Homer's text right there it has to be said! ;-) 

Another inaccracy is in the depiction of Achilles and Patroclus's relationship to each other as cousins, as they are cousins in th film. However, in the texts of the Illiad it never states that they were cousins as such and implies they were in fact lovers. Also in the Illiad, Achilles is depcited in his rage of going on a killing rampage, rather than just simply heading to challenge Hector in combat. 

Then there is the depiction of the battle between Achilles and Hector, which is a reasonably lengthy and competitive fight in the movie. However, in the Illiad text, Achilles chases Hector around the walls of Troy three times before Hector finally decides to accept his fate and challenge Achilles in combat. Hector then instead of having a pitch battle with Achilles, simply charges at Achilles with his sword and misses and then pleads with Achilles to give him a proper funeral, which Achilles refuses to and proceeds to kill Hector and drag his body behind chariot, which is depicted in the film. 

Another slight inaccuracy is to do with the funeral rites of Hector, as depicted in the film where Priam meets with Achilles in private and pleads with him to give Hector's body back to him, so he can be given a proper funeral, which Achilles does agree to (which is part of Homer's Iliad). However, the film depicts the funeral games lasting 12 days but in the texts it only lasts 9 days with Hector being buried on the 10th day. 

There are even more inaccuracies but the last one I will mention is to do with the fate of Paris, Hector's brother, who is shown to survive the sacking of Troy and after he kills Achilles with his arrows, including an arrow through his heel (hence the term Achilles heel). However (again!) in the Iliad, Paris actually dies during the war instead of surviving as he was killed by a poison arrow fired by legendary Greek archer, Philoctetes. 

So, that's it for the inaccuracies (well at least here anyway!).

SUM UP

So, to sum up, Troy remains a very solid and entertaining historical epic war film, which features some solid performances, particularly from Brad Pitt, Eric Bana and Brian Cox as well as excellently staged battle scenes. The film is somewhat of course inaccurate in its faithfulness to Homer's Iliad and there is even very little text taken from the poem itself as well some daft plot moments. 

However all that aside, this is definitely a very underrated war film, which is well worth checking out despite its average score of 53% on Rotten Tomatoes (a site which I never put much stock into anyway!). So, with that said, I will rate Troy:

8 out of 10

So, that's it for now and I will be back soon with another post before Christmas.

So, until then its bye for now! 

GTA San Andreas 20th Anniversary Review (Revisited)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, since its the 20th anniversary of the classic action game, GTA San Andreas, I figured I would re-do my previous review of the original game a bit for this occassion. I will also incorporate in some aspects of the definitive edition remaster of the game, which was a disaster on release in 2021 but has since been patched well enough.

So, with that said let's take another look at this GTA classic and see how it fairs 20 years later...

And here is the usual warning: 

PLOT SPOILERS ARE AHEAD!!!

STORY 

So, it all begins in Los Santos (based on Los Angeles) back in 1992, when Carl "CJ" Johnson (voiced by hip-hop artist Young Maylay) returns back to his home to attend his mother's funeral.  CJ goes back home to his neighbourhood where he meets up with his brother, Sweet (Faizon Love), and his gangster friends Ryder (MC Eiht) and Big Smoke (Clifton Powell).  Together they go about trying to re-establish themselves as the main gang in Los Santos, and they also hijack shipments of weapons, and starting turf wars with their main rivals, the Ballas and the Vagos.

CJ is also along the way also forced to help two corrupt police officers, Frank Tenpenny (Samuel L.Jackson) and Eddie Pulaski (Chris Penn) into doing their dirty work for them, who work for the CRASH police program (Community Resources Against Street Hoodlums).  CJ manages however to maintain good relations with his brother and his friends, as well as earning respect in their neighbourhood.  But its not long before things start to turn sour again as CJ receives a tip from Caesar Vialpando (Clifton Collins Jr) who is his sister's boyfriend.

Caesar meets with CJ secretly under a bridge where they spy on Big Smoke and Ryder coming out garage with a green sabre, the car which was seen during the drive-by hit on CJ's mother.  CJ realises then that Sweet, who is going on a gang mission, that he is walking into a trap set up by Tenpenny.  CJ arrives too late on the scene to prevent the ambush, and Sweet is injured by a gunshot, and after making a last stand, the police arrive and CJ is arrested, and taken out into the San Andreas countryside by Tenpenny.

Tenpenny wants CJ to assassinate a witness who is a threat to him and his partner Eddie, and with little choice CJ does the hit.  CJ soon after is also called up by a stranger called the Truth (Peter Fonda) who was recruited by Tenpenny as well to prepare in discrediting a district attorney.  The Truth is an old hippie and marijuana farmer, who naturally pretty spaced out, and sends CJ to do different missions.  CJ also is set up to meet one of Caesar's cousins, the crazed Catalina (Cynthia Farrell) who he does some robberies with, and also engages in some rather kinky sex (we hear it rather than see it!).

CJ through Caesar also hears about some underground street races out in the country, and he ends up racing against Catalina, and after winning the race, she hands over the deeds to a garage she owns in San Fierro (the equivalent of San Francisco).  CJ along with Caesar, and his sister Kendl (voiced by rapper Yo-Yo) and the Truth all travel out to San Fierro, however they find the garage to be empty and deserted, which angers CJ.  Kendl manages to persuade CJ to turn it into a business, and he ends up recruiting a couple of mechanics and an electronics whiz named Zero (David Cross) in order to do so.  As the business starts to turn a profit, CJ also befriends a Triad leader, the blind Wu Zi Mu "Woozie" (James Yaegashi) and does some business with him as well.

Eventually CJ also travels out to Las Venturas (based on Las Vegas) where he meets up with some more business associates.  Along the way however he is intercepted by a secret government agent by the name of Mike Toreno (James Woods) who asks him to do some work for him, and in return he will secure Sweet's release.  And to cut a long story short, its not long before CJ eventually makes his way back to Los Santos, where things have gone from bad to worse, where Big Smoke rules the roost and has filled the city with drug addled gangsters and its to CJ to put an end to it once and for all.   

THOUGHTS  

There is no doubt that GTA San Andreas is a superb game and its ambitious scale alone makes it a very worthy gaming experience.  The transition to not only a new city, but a new state also expands on the game's appeal considerably, as now the main character can travel from place to place over a vast area and three different cities. And its the game's scale, characters, combat and overall fun experience that makes it one of the greatest GTA games and indeed one of the modern greats in gaming. 

GAMEPLAY

The gameplay mechanics have also improved quite a bit as well, as now with the main character, CJ, he can also sorts of things such as learn new differet styles of attacks such as boxing, martial arts as well as dirty street fighting. I will break down the different aspects of the gameplay in paragraphs below further.

GYM TRAINING 

CJ can also do something about his physical appearance as he can work out at the gym, and either build up his body by lifting weights, or build up stamina and endurance on an exercise bike or a treadmill, and he can even put on weight by eating too much!  Apparently there was even a rumour going around that CJ could eat too much and become so overweight that he would eventually keel over and die, but I tried stuffing CJ full of food for ages and it never happened! However every time CJ overeats, he will throw up and lose a bit of his health bar so he could die that way right enough!

MOVEMENT AND CHARACTER STATS

Unlike the previous main characters such as Claude and Tommy (in GTA III and Vice City respectively) CJ now has the ability to swim and climb over fences, as well as to crouch while moving. CJ can also even get a new haircut as well as get tatoos, and in addition to the pre-determined outfits you get from Vice City, here CJ can go into cloth stores and chose his own gear, which can also add to his sex appeal (which is shown as bar meter along with his other aspects such as muscle, stamina, fat and weapon skill).

DATING 

CJ can also go out on dates with girls and there is of course a progress metre for that as well, and CJ can pick up different girlfriends in the different locations in the game, all of whom have different tastes for food, bars, events etc.  And if the date goes well then some idyllic, romantic music is played but if it goes badly then rather amusingly we used to hear "Killing in the name of" by Rage Against The Machine play over the cutscene! However since the original release, RATM's track no longer features on the soundtrack, so its just the usual romantic theme instead.      

MISSIONS 

Again there is a huge variety of missions here as well, with CJ having more than just the option of playing the story missions (which are really varied as it is) but he can also play minigames such as burgalries, go on trucking missions, take lessons at an advanced driving school, get involved in street races, and also playing pool, arcade games and basketball. Further to this in the Xbox 360 version of the game, the missions will also feature checkpoints, which is very welcome and more recently in the definitive edtion remaster, it also features checkpoints as well as an autosave feature after completing a mission.

GANG WARS AND TURFS 

Another key factor in the game is also the gang wars, where CJ will have to take over different turfs in the city, owned by other gangs such as the Ballas, which is done by killing a few gang members, which sparks a gang war, after which CJ must survive a wave of attacks from the gangs, after which he takes over the turf.  This plays a crucial part later on in the game when CJ returns to Los Santos as he must take over at least 35% of the gang turfs in Los Santos in order to activate the final story mission (called The End of the Line).

VEHICLES 

In addition to this, there are also a large variety of vehicles to use, as in addition to the usual cars, there are bicycles, a combine harvester, a trailer, street sweeper being some of the more novelty type modes of transportation.  There is also the inclusion of planes and helicopters as there is a variety of these two, although CJ's necessity to learn to fly prompts one of the game's most frustrating missions, which I will say a bit more about later.

VOICE ACTING AND MUSIC (Warning: this section contains strong language and spoilers!)

As for the voice acting, again things are top notch with a great cast. 

Starting with real life hip-hop artist, Young Maylay putting in an excellent performance as the central character, Carl "CJ Jonhson, who returns to Los Santos after five years and makes a name for himself again.  CJ is a pretty likeable character despite all his crimes, most of them are done out of either survival, necessity or being purely manipulated, but as a character he nevers get ahead of himself, and he carries that way till the end. Young Maylay, or to use his real name, Chris Bellard, did not get on well with Rockstar as he had a fallout with them after the game released and claimed he would never work for them again afteward.

Maylay also get's some great lines throughout the game such as when he is driving and he bumps into someone and he comes out with lines such as "Are you a professional moron, or just a gifted amateur??!" or "Did you steal your licence???!".

Maylay also has some great scripted moments in the game's cutscenes that include the scene where CJ arrives at the empty garage in San Fierro, which Catalina gave him the deeds for.  And when he arrives he angrily shouts about Claude "Mother-fucker! That mute asshole! That fucking snake without a tongue! Gave me this shit-hole instead of a pink slip? I must be the biggest fucking idiot in the whole fucking world!".  

Then there are the scenes where CJ is out robbing with Catalina and he talks to her of her psychotic behaviour when they are driving and he says to her "You're a great girl and all, but you've gotta calm down!  I know some cold blooded cats that wouldn't act the way you do!".  Or there is the moment where CJ and Catalina rob a bank together and she tells him what to do crowd control and not to take any "shit!" and CJ sarcastically replies "Yes, Miss Catalina, Miss!!".

In another mission cutscene, Maylay has a good dramatic moment where CJ sits in deep thought, feeling guilty (SPOILER!!) over killing his former "homie" Ryder.  And as Caesar arrives to congratulate CJ on taking down Ryder and his drug syndicate saying that people think he is a hero, and CJ somberly says to him "Shit's still fucked up. Man, I got homies I used to run with that turn their back on me, over this".  And CJ continues, lamenting over Ryder "Fucking Ryder man! That was my homie! And I've killed him!".  

Another good moment in one of the mission's "Vertical Bird" (also one of the most frustrating!) is when CJ steal a jet fighter and uses to bomb some ships in the ocean and Mike Toreno keeps in contact with CJ by radio.  And Toreno says to CJ "You see?? Child's play!" and CJ yells "FUCK YOU, TORENO!!  I NEVER WANNA GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!! I THINK I'M GONNA HURL!!".  And Toreno teases Carl and CJ shouts at him "Shut up, Toreno!! Where do you want this thing???!" and Toreno fobs him off by saying "I don't know what you're talking about!" and CJ continues to yell at him "TORENO!!".

Samuel L. Jackson as you would expect does a great job as the corrupt copy, Tenpenny, who uses CJ as his own personal puppet and forces him to do his dirty work throughout the game.

Sam naturally of course has some great lines and moments in the story that include the cutscene in the mission "Burning desire" where Tenpenny warns CJ that he owns him.  And Tenpenny says to CJ "Now you get this straight. We own you! You're ours. We can shit on you from such a height you'll think God himself has crapped on you! You understand?!".  

Another good moment from Sam comes in the cutscene for "The Green Sabre" where Tenpenny and his crooked cop partner, Pulaski take CJ out into the middle of the country.  And CJ asks where he is and Tenpenny says to him "The middle-of-fucking-nowhere!  Nice, clean air".  And CJ asks of Sweet (who was badly injured during the events of the mission" and Tenpenny tells him "Sweet is alive. Alive and inside. He's in a prison hospital being treated for gunshot wounds, awaiting trial".  And then Tenpenny warns CJ to say away from Smoke and himself "Now you stay the fuck away from Smoke, and stay the fuck away from us. Otherwise Sweet is going to find himself on a Ballas block getting in touch with his feminine side!". 

Then there is the cutscene from the mission "High Noon" where (SPOILER!!) Tenpenny is about to tie up all his loose ends by finally killing off CJ and his fellow cop, Hernandez, who betrayed him.  And in the scene, Tenpenny angrily hits Hernandez on the back of the head with a spade and yells at him "YOU SNITCH PIECE OF SHIT! YOU VATO ASSHOLE! YOU SOLD US OUT!".  And Tenpenny get's into his car and Pulaski asks where he is going and Tenpenny sharply replies "To get drunk and get laid - you got a problem with that?!!" and Pulaski says no and then Tenpenny says "Good. I'll see you back at the precinct" and he looks to CJ and says "And I'll see YOU in the next life, Carl!".   

 

And last of all is the cutscene from the final mission "The End of the Line" where (BIG SPOILER!) CJ kills Big Smoke, Tenpenny shows up with a shotgun and tells CJ of his plan to flee the city. So, in the scene Tenpenny says to CJ "Carl Johnson my man! First you killed Pulaski then this fat fuck?! There's no stopping you!". 

 

Tenpenny then has CJ fill up a suitcase with some of Smoke's drug money and CJ asks "How does it feel being all alone? Nobody got your back?" and Tenpenny says "What makes you think I'm alone? I've got two rookies out there, but I gotta open their eyes slowly, a little truth here, a little there...". Then Tenpenny says to CJ "I'm not about to get killed by some angry mob" and CJ asks "You getting a plane out of here?" and Tenpenny says "Ding ding ding ding! Good answer, Carl! You know you're gonna thank me one day for opening your eyes. Oh, I almost forgot Carl..." and he cocks his shotgun and says "...its time to die!". CJ then tries to distract Tenpenny by pretending Sweet is behind them and he ducks for cover as Tenpenny shoots at him but misses and grabs the suitcase and backs out and says "It ain't, Carl! It ain't over!".  

Faizon Love as Sweet, CJ's brother, is also excellent, and he stands as just about one of the only old school gangsters around, as he is sickened by all the drugs that festers his neighbourhood.

Faizon has some good moments aswell although his performance is mostly quite serious and dramatic he does have some amusing scenes aswell.

And to save time and making this post much bigger than it needs to be (than it already is!) I will mention one scene from the mission "Riot" where Sweet having met the wank obssessed English musician, Maccer (voiced by Shaun Ryder of The Happy Mondays) asks who he is.

So Sweet asks "What's with the weird Brit?" and CJ tells Sweet "What? Oh, Maccer! He got a little problem he can't control".  And Sweet asks "What kind of problem?" and CJ awkwardly says "He can't stop, you know, giving himself a little bit".  And Sweet says "What, you mean he likes to consult Professor Hans Jerkov?" and CJ says "Yeah regularly!" and Sweet says a few more crude phrases for masturbation such as "Spank the money" and "Take Palm-ela out??" and "Burp the worm??".   

 

I will however add one more scene involving Faizon, which is from the earlier mission "Home coming" where CJ picks up Sweet from outside the courthouse having been freed from jail. So, Sweet annoyed by CJ's attitude and boasting about his new success out in San Fierro and Las Venturas, asks him "Nigga, what the fuck is this bullshit?! Take me home!". So, as they return to Grove Street, its filled with baseheads and Ballas, and one of them comes up to them with a blender "Anyone want this blender? It sort of works!" and Sweet shouts "That's mum's blender!". CJ however resignedly looks at the area and says "Looks like baseheads taken over the spot, come on let's go home" but Sweet angrily says "This IS home! Get those fuckers out of mom's house! You were BORN in there! DAMN!". 

 

So, after CJ helps Sweet take out the drug dealers and Ballas in the Grove, CJ says to Sweet "Right let's get out of here and go and see Kendl" however Sweet firmly tells CJ "Kendl can come and see me at her home RIGHT HERE!". CJ however says "But there ain't nothing here anymore dude" and Sweet says defiantly "Rome wasn't built in a day, nigga!" and walks off leaving CJ to say to himself "My brother can be a real pain in the ass!".  

Clifton Powell is also very good as Big Smoke, as his gruff voice adds well to the character, as Smoke gives off the idea that he is an old school gangster, who is not into pushing drugs, but instead he reveals himself to be just that, as he takes over the gangs in the middle of the game.

Powell also has some good moments in the script such as during the mission "Just Business" where CJ and Big Smoke flee from a group of Russian mobsters on a bike.  And during the chase a car chasing them hits a bus and Smoke laughs out loud saying "I'll never dis public transportation again!".  And then later on Big Smoke shouts to Carl re: his objections "Man, stop being so negative! Focus on the good news!" and Carl says "Such as?!" and Smoke shouts "We ain't dead, and your trigger finger still works, fool! I think the gearbox is screwed up on this thing! I can't get no speed!".  And Carl says to him "Yeah, who negative now bitch?!" and Smoke says to him "Point taken.  I'll keep my mouth shut from now on!".  

 

BIG SPOILER AHEAD!!

 

And last of all is the scene where Big Smoke is confronted by CJ as the two of them have trade bullets and before that, CJ enters to find Smoke playing a video game. So, CJ says to Smoke as he enters "Hey, Smoke!" and without turning around Smoke says, somewhat stoned "Heyyyy CJ". CJ then asks "How did you know it was me?" and Smoke says "I knew it would always be my old running dog CJ. I knew you was coming and I don't give a shit!". Smoke then takes a hit on his bong and CJ then says "Well, I'm gonna take care of your fat ass and your friends in the police department". Smoke then defiantly shouts "Fuck Tenpenny and fuck his Polish lapdog! Fuck the police!".  CJ then asks Smoke "What happened to you, man?!" and Smoke shouts "I'M A FUCKIN CELEBRITY, MAN! I'VE MADE IT, CJ! I CAN'T BE TOUCHED!". Smoke then says to CJ "Man, what the fuck do you care? Ah fuck it! Guess we might as well do this shit then!" and he grabs his gun.

 

So, in the following scene, when Big Smoke is fatally wounded by CJ, lies on the floor dying and coughing, CJ asks "Smoke, what made you flip out like that, man?" and Smoke coughing says "I got caught up in the money, the power!". CJ then asks "But why? We were homies for life!" and Smoke says "I had no choice, I had to do it, when I saw the opportunity and when I'm gone, everyone's gonna remember my name, BIG SMOKE!" and he then gasps and dies. 

Clifton Collins Jr does well also in his role as Cesar Vialpando, although it has to be said that his semi raspy voice does get annoying after a while and when he says "Hey, Holmes!" he sounds like he is constipated!

Clifton also has some moments such as the scene where Cesar takes his girlfriend and Carl's sister, Kendall out to the country to keep her safe from the city.  And in the cutscene Cesar angrily says to CJ "This ain't over, man. I did this to take care of my woman. But now I'm gonna head straight back home, and I'm gonna cap me some fucking dope dealers!".  And CJ warns Cesar not to go back or he could get himself killed but Cesar impatiently says "We already know who the fucking bad guys are, man, your stinking Grove Street brother Smoke, and those chota pigs Tenpenny and Pulaski!".  

Lastly there is the cutscene in the mission "Los Desparados" where Cesar awkwardly asks CJ his permission to ask Kendall "the question" i.e. to propose to her.  And in the scene Cesar says to CJ "While we here, I, eerr, I have a question to ask you" and CJ says "Yeah what?" and Cesar says "Well its....its personal" and CJ reassures him he can ask him anything he wants.  So Cesar says to CJ "OK, here goes. I want to ask Kendl the question" but CJ doesn't follow his meaning, so Cesar says again "No, holmes.  The QUESTION!" and CJ get's what he means and says he's fine with it.   

James Woods, who is generally great in anything he does, and he certainly is here as the secret government agent Mike Toreno, who manipulates CJ into doing work for him.

Woods has plenty of good moments in the story although I will only mention a few to save some time such as the one where Toreno finally reveals who he really is after putting him through some racing exercises.  And Toreno warns CJ "Do not be a fucking smart-ass with me!  I work for a government agency. It is not important which one. I will try not to confuse you. Yes, when we last met, I was involved in battling threats in Latin America, by any means necessary! That does not make me a drug dealer. Now, the money that we raised, the friends that we won over, have helped us immeasurably in our overseas interests".  

Woods has one of my favourite exchanges of dialogue in the game with CJ, as Toreno grabs CJ from behind by the throat and tells him "Got you again, Carl!  You're half asleep!  I could have killed you in 9 different ways.  Wake up and smell the coffee!".  And he let's CJ go who angrily says to Toreno "You need to lay off the coffee!".

And later there is also the scene in the mission "Vertical Bird" where CJ steals a jet fighter at Toreno's behest and after CJ bombs some ships in the ocean Toreno communicates with him over a radio.  And Toreno says to CJ "You see!  Child's play!" which enrages CJ who shouts at him "FUCK YOU, TORENO!  I NEVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!  I THINK I'M GONNA HURL!".  And after this Toreno teases CJ saying "Ooh, what a big whiner, you want some cheese with that wine? Hey, you were spectacular. You know what, I'm beginning to think my little Carl is a double agent. Oooh!".  And CJ shouts at him "Shut up, Toreno!!  Where do you want this thing?!" and Toreno says to him "What thing? I don't know what you're talking about - you stole it. Got nothing to do with me, I don't know what you're talking about. See ya 'round!".  

Peter Fonda is also very good as the aged hippie, the Truth, who is pretty spaced throughout the whole game, and he also makes some weird prophecies too, and at one point gets CJ to steal an advanced jetpack from a military airbase, which is one of the game's most enjoyable missions "Black Project".

Fonda also has some good lines of dialogue such as in his first exchange with CJ over the phone as he says to him "Carl..." and CJ asks "Who's this?" and Truth says "Its me.  The Truth" and CJ asks "Who?" and Truth says "Perfection!  They said you were a moron!".

Another example later comes in the mission "Wear flowers in your hair" which is set in San Fierro, CJ and Truth drive around to recruit guys to help build-up CJ's garage business.  And during the mission, Truth spouts out some weird conspiracy theories to CJ " Now what if I told you, we never went to the moon, JFK lives in Scotland with Janis Joplin and the only reason we've been in a Cold war for the last 45 years was because snake-headed aliens run the oil business??".  And CJ sarcastically replies "I think you popped another microdot!" and Truth says "Good!  Keep it that way".  

James Yaegashi is also excellent as Wu Zi Mu or "Woozie" as he is known to everyone else who is a mild mannered guy who just so happens to be the leader of a group of Triads, the Mountain Cloud Boys.  Woozie is blind but he doesn't like it to be mentioned in his presence but despite this he has highly attuned senses and he can still do things such as beat CJ at playing video games but most of the time his men let him win at games.

And in one of the cutscenes this is noted when CJ and Woozie are playing blackjack and CJ checks Woozie's hand, which is a losing one and Woozie annoyed says " Damn. You're bad luck for me. You know, when I play the other guys, I always win!".  But in another cutscene as Woozie does some putting in his office, one of his associates moves a glass into its path so he can hole it but the associate moves the glass away when CJ tries to putt.  And CJ looks on incredulously and says "What the....?!" and Woozie sensing CJ missed says "Aww bad luck!".   

Yaegashi also has some good lines too in the story that include the scene where in the mission "Mountain cloud boys" CJ and Woozie are ambushed by a Vietnamese gang who kill one of Woozie's Triad clan.  And in the scene Woozie shows another side to his personality as he becomes furious at the deaths of his clan and yells at the gang "THE TRIADS MUST HAVE VENGEANCE!!  YOUR MOTHERS WERE SLUTS!!!".  And after they kill off the rival gang members, Woozie says to CJ "Thank you, Carl, you saved me from having to kill them all myself!".

MC Eiht is also pretty good as Ryder, one of the Grove street gang that (SPOILER!!) ends up betraying CJ and Sweet and is part of the Loco syndicate.  Eiht has some good moments too and Ryder's character always seems to enjoy putting CJ down about his driving and he also spends quite a bit of his time high on marijuana.

And Eiht's good scenes include the one where CJ pays Ryder visit when Ryder is high as a kite on marijuana.  And Ryder, stoned, says to CJ " Hey, CJ, tell me why I didn't finish high school" and CJ offers a few joky explanations and Ryder laughs and says "It's cause I'm too intelligent for this shit. I am the real deal fool, oh, yeah. A genius!".

And in another scene during a mission when Ryder slags off CJ for his driving as they get and drive off, Ryder says to CJ "You drive, CJ - seein as you "Mister Driver" an all and CJ says "Aw not your shit again, don't give me a hard time about my driving, I ain't got the energy fot it!".  And Ryder says to him "Well don't roll the damn car over and blow us all up in flames then!" and CJ says "Aw, I ain't risin to your shit, man!" and Ryder says "Good! Means you'll concentrate on the road then!".  So CJ says "You love givin a homie a hard time" and Ryder says "Just tryin to keep my soldiers alive, nigga!" and CJ says "By naggin them to death???" and Ryder shouts "Watch the road, motherfucker!  Watch the road!".

Other notable voice actors include Chris Penn, the late brother of Sean Penn, who gives a fine performance as the corrupt cop, Eddie Pulaski, who is keen to just get rid of CJ as fast as possible despite Tenpenny insisting on using him. 

So, I will mention just one mission of Pulaski's, which is the final one he appears in "High Noon" where CJ is forced to chase down and kill Pulaski as he flees the scene where CJ and Officer Hernandez were both to be buried. 

So, in the mission, CJ chases Pulaski and as they drive on the road, CJ shouts out to Pulaski "Hey Eddie, you know Tenpenny gonna rub you out too!" and Pulaski shouts "Carl, you got it all wrong, pal! Tenpenny was the one saving your ass! Every time I wanted to get rid of you, he found some excuse to keep you around! How's sister?! You know I always had a thing for her! Me and my friends got some picture of her and her Barrio boyfriend going at it like a pair of horny chiwawas! Best stakeout I ever done!". CJ then warns Pulaski "I know what you're trying to do, so don't get into my head!" and Pulaski then provokes Carl further "Carl, you shoud have seen your mum's body, she was a real mess!" and CJ warns him "Don't talk about my moms!" and Pulaski taunts him "Most of her face was hanging off! The boys were touching, joking around and shit!" and CJ finally snaps and shouts "FUCK YOU, PULASKI! FUCK YOU!!".  

So, after CJ manages to shoot Eddie, in the final cutscene CJ stands over Eddie who is dying, CJ asks him "Any last requests?" and Eddie says "Yeah, can I fuck your sister??".  And this prompts CJ to say, disgusted by Pulaski "You're an asshole to the end.  Punk motherfucker!" and he finishes him off.

Jas Anderson is also quite funny as the annoying, talentless rapper and wannabe gangster, OG Loc who at one get's Carl help to get his rap career on the go by discrediting a popular rapper named Mad Dogg (played by the rapper Ice-T).

Loc has some funny scenes that involve things such as getting revenge over a former hispanic cellmate, who is pretty camp and says that OG "dropped the soap" when he was in prison.  And later after they kill off the cellmate, CJ drops Loc off at his new job, which is working at a burger joint as a "hygiene technician" and how it is "just a stepping stone to greatness!" as Loc plans long term to become a famous rapper.  So when CJ drops Loc at the joint, CJ says to Loc "I'll see you around" and Loc says to him "Like a quarter pound!  Later!".

However Jas's funniest moment as Loc comes when Loc quits his job at the burger place and he turns back and shouts at them from the door "Man, fuck you! And I don't care what you heard, I ain't nobody's ass technician, BITCH!".

Next up we have Danny Dyer who makes another welcome appearance as Kent Paul, the British record producer who get's lost in the desert out in Las Venturas.

And Dyer has some funny bits of dialogue in the game such as when Kent and Maccer are both rescued by CJ in the desert as they are both feeling worse for wear after taking some peyote. So as CJ finds them out in the desert, Maccer complains "I can't feel me legs, our P! I've wanked the use out of em!" so Paul with disgust says "Just stand up, you soppy cunt! We go through this every weekend!". And as CJ picks them up and they are chased by rednecks in a truck from a snake farm, Maccer says to Paul "This is a very stressful situation!" and Paul shouts "You're fucking tell me it is??!!". 

And Shaun Ryder also makes a brief cameo as the perverted musician, Maccer, who can't resist giving himself a bit of "hand comfort" infront of other people!

And Shaun does have some prettu crude lines of dialogue that include the one where he mistakenly asks if Rosie (Rosenberg the lawyer that appeared in Vice City) has great tits. So, Maccer asks Paul "What kind of tits did this Rosie have? Small tits? Big tits? Or tits like a beanie or a saddlebag?!" and Paul exasperated shouts "Rosie's a man!!". Maccer then continues to tease Paul by saying "You look a pale as a drowned baby, man!" and Paul groans and Maccer says "P, what you need is some food down ya!" and Paul groans "I think I'm gonna chuck!" and then Maccer says "A fried egg with mayonaise will sort it" and then "What about a pickled egg?" and Paul has had enough and says "Pull over NOW!" and he get's out the car and vomits if you let CJ pull over.

Later on of course during a recording session with Madd Dogg, Maccer is at it again as he chugs off in the booth much to the disgust of the others. So, Paul tries to dissuade Maccer from wanking again by saying to him think of Maggie Thatcher, which doesn't even work! So, in the scene as Maccer is doing it he shouts "I'M LOVE YOU, MAGGIE!! I LOVE YOU, MAGGIE!". Oh God! (sick bags at the ready!). 

Cynthia Farrell also makes a great return as the psychotic Catalina (who was one of the main baddies from GTA III) and she get's some of the funniest lines of dialogue and delivers them with in style.

As for a few examples there is a line when they rob a bank and Catalina shouts at the staff "Hand over the cash or I'll blow your fucking face off!! Leave the panic button, or I'll kill your children too!".  And as the clerk sets off the alarm, Catalina shoots the clerk and yells "I warned you, you stupid bitch!  Stupid fucking bitch!  EAT MY SHIT!!!".

In one of the other missions "Gone Courting" Carl arrives at Catalina's hideout and calls on her and we hear her say "In here, mi amor" and he says "Ai'ght come on, let's go!" and she says angrily "You get your sorry ass in here, Carl Jonhson, or I will shove a fucking hand grenade up it!!".

Another example is when they drive to commit another robbery, Carl asks Catalina "What's wrong?" and Catalina says "Nothing.  I just hate men!" and Carl says to her "Well give me a break!" and Catalina says to him "Here's your break, you being at my barbacue and not being eaten!" and CJ says "Well that's one way of looking at shit I suppose!".

Cataline also taunts CJ about his manhood and his ability (or lack of it) to sexually please her throughout their missions, which prompts more putdowns such as "Tiny balled idiota!" and my favourite "You are a waste of good balls!".  And after they split up she seems to have a hard time dealing with it and she keeps calling him over and over!

Charlie Murphy (the older brother of Eddie Murphy) is also pretty good as the pimp, Jizzy, who CJ briefly works for but is really spying on him to find out about the Loco syndicate.  Murphy also get's some good lines as Jizzy such as in the mission "Mike Toreno" where Jizzy tries to calm down a hotheaded T-Bone Mendez by saying "T-Bone! Pump your brakes, baby. Take a chill pill, and just lay back and let the red mist fall, brother!".

And lastly there is the mission "Outrider" where Jizzy calls CJ to meet up with T-Bone and says to him "Well, my business associates, they need a little assistance. And I thought of you, friend. Meet T-Bone at the gas station next to the docks at Easter Basin. He's waiting for you in a 4-door sedan. Excuse me, partner, I got a call coming in. Arrivederci!".

Kid Frost is also good in his role as the hotheaded drug dealing associate with the Loco syndicate, T-Bone Mendez.

Frost's best moment comes in the mission "Outrider" when CJ is set to meet with T-Bone in a Sedan car but CJ can't see him anywhere so he get's into the car only to find T-Bone spring up behind in the backseat and he holds CJ at gunpoint.  So at gunpoint T-Bone threatens Carl saying " Hey, you a pinche jura or what?! You think you can mess with me?!! I will blow your head off, and rape and kill your family, you snake!! You think you can fucking bullshit me, and fuck me over?! I know your fucking game, ese!".  T-Bone then grills CJ further and yells "Who you working for?!" and CJ struggles and says "NOBODY!" and T-Bone let's him go and says "I almost had you, man. I almost fucking had you. Guacha! You gotta be careful in this business, man, you know that".    

William Fichtner who reprises his role as the neurotic drug addled lawyer, Ken Rosenberg, who was Tommy Vercetti's business partner in GTA: Vice City and he does a fine job here again.

And to quote one of Fichtner's good scenes, there is one in the mission, "The Meat Business" where Paul gives Rosenberg a few lines of cocaine to get him fired up again. So, after Rosenberg snorts a line, he shouts excitedly "Oh, ha ha ha ha! Baby, I'm back, I AM BACK! Let's get this show on the road!". So, Carl asks Rosenberg "So everything is ok now?" but Rosenberg says "No! Absolutely not! I'm still screwed! Absolutely screwed, but at least now I'm in the right frame of mind. What the fuck are we going to do? Any minute now, some Mafia bullet is going to splatter my brains all over the wall! My wall, my beautiful wall...".

So as CJ and Rosenberg drive to a meeting with the Mafia at the meat factory, Rosenberg expresses his desire to lead an ordinary life. So, Rosenberg tells CJ "I want to do something safe and legal and boring, with people that like me. And have a wife and some kids and get divorced and fight for weekend access, like everybody else!". So, CJ tells Rosenberg "OK, I'll see what I can do" and Rosenberg says while snorting coke "Thanks, I'm just so tired of all this life or death bullshit. (sniff) Oh, shit, shit's all down my (sniff) damned shirt, and everything. Oh, that's my best shirt too, doesn't this shirt look good on me?!". 

And last but far from least is Frank Vincent (who sadly passed away last year) who is great as the mob boss, Salvatore Leone and he is very much at home playing mob guys so he does a fine job here again in that role.

And Frank has some good lines of dialogue but his most notable ones come not long after CJ has robbed Leone's casino and a furious Leone calls up CJ and threatens to kill him. So, Leone yells at CJ "You two-faced backstabbing piece of eggplant shit!" and CJ sarcastically says "Mr Leone, nice to hear from you too". Leone then furiously yells "You're dead! I'm gonna fuck you up, your brother and sister! You're whole family!!! You're ALL dead!!". CJ however is not worried and casually says to Leone "I'm sorry, Mr Leone but I've got some money to spend on some expensive trash!".    

SOUNDTRACK AND RADIO STATIONS 

As for the game's soundtrack, well while it isn't as strong as Vice City's diverse soundtrack there are still plenty of great tracks to chose from here, and there is a big variety to chose from, and different genres such as rock, funk, rap, pop, metal, raggae and country.

And some of my favourite tracks appear from the radio stations Radio X, in which they play alternative rock from the early 90s, including tracks from bands such as Helmet (again GTA introduce me to them, still one of my favourite bands!) "Unsung", Jane's addiction "Been caught stealing" , Depeche Mode "Personal Jesus", Faith no more "Midlife crisis", Rage against the machine "Killing in the name of", Ozzy Osbourne "Hellraiser" and Soundgarden "Rusty cage".

Some of the rap tracks, which are naturally befitting of the period setting, are pretty good such as on Playback FM, which is hosted by none other than Chuck D of Public Enemy, who even plays a PE track "Rebel without a pause", as well as other tracks such as Kool G Rap & DJ Polo's "Road to the Riches" and Ultramagnetic MCs "Critical beatdown".

K-DST, which plays some classic rock is also a really good channel as you get a choice of songs from bands such as Creedence "Green River", Heart "Baracuda", Kiss "Strutter", Foghat "Slow ride", The Who "Eminence front", Boston "Smokin" and even David Bowie "Somebody up there likes me".  And another pleasant surprise on the radio channels was the K-Rose channel, which has probably one of the catchiest songs of all time on it, which is Jerry Reed's "Amos Moses".  Just class.

On the downside the there is only one radio station for chat radio but there are several radio programs that feature on the station.  It also has to be said that the radio shows themselves are a bit hit and miss but some of them are still funny and they also feature the recurring DJ, Laszlow, who has a funny interview with OG Loc, who get's very angry with Laszlow as they talk at cross purposes. 

Its also worth noting that some of the tracks were removed from the Xbox 360 version of the game such as Rage against the machine's "Killing in the name of" on Radio X, Tom Petty's "Running down a dream" on KT-DST and Utramagnetic MC's "Critical Beatdown" on Playback among others. This is a pity as it would have been good if the full original soundtrack list was kept in this version but I'm guessing it was for copyright reasons.

GRAPHICS 

Moving onto the game's graphics well they are for the most part fairly good but the game does however suffer from having subpar looking character models as the characters look blocky and under-developed in their appearance yet in GTA Vice City the characters models looked a lot better.  However I think this might have come down to the fact that the game itself is so big and has such expansive environments that the quality of the character modelling had to suffer.

However despite this, the game's graphics are still quite impressive when it comes to its environments, which look good and are pretty varied given the game is set in three cities, it covers a lot of ground indeed.  The game also makes good graphical use of its HUD (heads up display) for CJ's health bar as well as the stats for his stamina, muscle, sex appeal, body fat etc which in itself is a unique feature in the game.  Its also worth noting the game's environmental effects are also pretty good as it makes good use of its colours for sunsets in the evening or even the rain and storm effects are well done.  

However as the Definitive Edition remaster released in 2021, this sees San Andreas get a massive visual overhaul and for the most part it looks very impressive. There of course some issues with the graphics still with some clipping issues and minor glitches as well as some of the character model choices (e.g. Carl's Grove Street girlfriend, Denise, still looks a bit weird!). However all that aside, the remaster definitely remains the best looking version of the game and it also recently got a nice update where you can use the classic lighting from the game, which really does add a nice touch and a neat throwback to the original. 

FLAWS 

As for GTA: San Andreas's flaws....well yeah despite it being a great game there are still a fair few to be found.

So for starters, I felt that the countryside missions can take an inordinate amount of time for CJ to get to his eventual destination especially when he travels to meet with Catalina, he has alot of ground to cover from his original save point.  One of the ways around this is of course to buy one of the properties as a halfway house between missions, but that depends on how much money you have. This however is partly mitigated by the emastered version's automatic checkpoint saves after finishing a mission.

Another slight issue with the gameplay is to do with the game's targeting system for weapons and you can find at times that CJ occasionally gets stuck or faces the wrong way when he auto-aims his gun at a target, which means you need to target them again.  This to be fair however isn't a big deal but it is still slight a slight annoyance that is worth mentioning. 

Another frustrating aspect early on in the game is the lack of money, especially in Los Santos where CJ has to make his way up again in the hood, and for all the missions he does with his homies, they don't even give him much if any money, especially Ryder, who is a real tight-ass!  Its not until the turf wars start to rear their ugly heads, that is when the drug dealers pop up on a every street corner, then you can make money by shooting them as they leave behind $2000 each time.  And its only really when CJ leaves Los Santos, when he meets up with his new associates that he finally starts to make money.

Another annoyance in the game is as I mentioned earlier on, the mission where CJ has to learn to fly, on the orders of Mike Toreno, and you have to undergo some training missions on how to take off and lane a plane, fly it through the sky, parachute from it successfully and most frustrating of all, do a bloody barrel roll, which NEVER comes in handy during the actual gameplay!

So, this brings up one of the game's most infuriating missions, "Vertical Bird" where Mike Toreno puts CJ on a mission which involves flying a harrier jet, and it is a nightmare to control the jet, and more often that it is far too easy to crash the jet into the water!  This level itself is often cited by gamers as one of the most difficult in the series. However on repeated playing, this mission isn't too bad to be fair once you get used to it.

And for me one of the most frustrating and annoying missions in the whole game deserves its place here, which is "Interdiction" where CJ has to do some dirty work for Toreno as he is to protect a chopper carrying cargo from enemy choppers that circle it.  And in the mission CJ needs to shoot them down with a rocket launcher but the cargo chopper can too often get caught in the crossfire which makes this goddamn mission a massive pain in the ass and I've lost count the amount of times I've had to redo over the years!!  And by the time I'm done with it I'm ready to punch Toreno myself never mind how CJ must have felt!

Ahhh but wait for it (and I apologise for this next bit).......there is another mission, which makes "Interdiction" and "Vertical Bird" appear like a picnic and THAT mission is "Cop Wheels".  Now to say I hate this mission would be a total understatement but that simply does not do justice as to just how infuriating it is! Its just a maddening pile of crap!

Words fail me on how annoying this one is and the premise is fairly simple enough, CJ has to steal four cop motorbikes in prep for their robbery on the mafia casino and get them transported onto a car packer on the very busy freeways of Las Venturas.  Now this might sound relatively straight forward but believe me it isn't and you only have 12 minutes to get all four bikes onto the packer or you fail the mission.  Why ONLY 12 MINUTES???!!  I mean why don't they allow for a full 15???!!  I mean that would help to give you a bit more time to get things done!

And not only that but your problems in the mission are compounded by the large distance between each of the bikes and also the big distance between you and the packer on the freeway, which is miles away.  Combine this with the police always on your ass for stealing the bikes and also carelessly but unavoidably crashing into cars or lamp posts or walls, it eats into your time too much and before you know it you are out of time, well either that or got arrested!

I'm sure there are other missions beyond this one that will also cause some major frustration (Vertical Bird for sure) but none as worse as this.  Cop Wheels is one of the worst missions in the game for sure and if you have any sanity left and enough patience you might just get through it! 

OK rant over!

Another problem I have with the game is how you cannot gain access to the Ammu-nation stores from the start of the game, as you can only get a crappy 9mm gun from the old guy, Emmett until a specific mission later on in the first Los Santos part of the game. This is a pain as you think it would be better if CJ could just go to the gun store and make his life a bit easier rather than rely on the most basic handgun in the game! You can of course kill other enemies such as the Ballas or other gangs to get slightly better weapons such as Tec-9's or shotguns but that's about it.

Then we have a similar issue with the clothes stores as you need to wait quite a few missions before you get a call from Cesar, who tells CJ that he needs to get himself some gang colour clothes. Now, its funny he says that because you cannot get the Grove Street outfit from ANY of the stores in the game! I mean you can get some similar green clothed items, such as the green hoody from the Binco store but you simply cannot get the actual gang outfit anywhere, which is a bit daft if you ask me but hey ho.  

As for some plot niggles I felt that some of the Truth's missions were a bit pointless and left things unexplained such as the missions "Black Project" and "Green Goo" where in the first one, Truth has CJ steal a jet pack to later use it to capture some green goo from an US army train.  Now, OK I get the jet pack part at least but its not explained at all why Truth wanted CJ to steal the green goo or what he intended to do with it for that matter either!  So for me this mission is pretty pointless and its basically an excuse for CJ to get his hands on the jet pack later (but don't get me wrong it is one of the cooler gadgets in the game!).

I also felt the same thing about the mission in San Fierro where CJ recruits a couple of mechanics for his garage and during the mission, Truth makes CJ stop and wait for fed cars to go by or wait outside a hospital for some unknown reason. Its the vagueness of the Truth's mission is what makes them a bit annoying at times.  

Also even though Truth in their first call, insults CJ by calling him a "moron" it has to be said the Truth isn't always that bright himself! This is especially true in the missions "Are you going to San Fierro?" where Truth lights up a joint and asks CJ if he wants some but CJ rightfully turns him down because otherwise he might crash the Truth's van! I mean CJ was already feeling the affects of burning Truth's hash fields, so he is not going to feel much better taking a spliff when he has to drive, so, yeah smart move, Truth you knob! 

Last of all, on a personal note, I have to say I really didn't like the racing missions in the game either as they are a real pain in the ass.  I say this because during the racing, its all too easy to crash your car into say a lamp post, which would delay your progress and you will lose your place in the race, either that or spin the car out of control and derail it off a cliff and into the water!   

And for me I think the worst racing mission of the lot is "Farewell my lovely" which is where CJ has to race against Catalina's new lover, Claude (the silent main character from GTA III) and it is far too easy to derail your car off the road in this race, which makes it a major pain in the ass to finish!  So I think its safe to say whenever I play this mission I can't wait to skip it and not only that if you do fail the mission you usually find you have one hell of a long trek back to the starting point again! Again however in the remaster version, this is solved by the use of checkpoints, which is a relief!

In fact further to this its worth mentioning in the mission "Photo opportunity" where CJ and Cesar drive out into the country to spy on the members of the drug syndicate named "Loco" after the mission is over, Cesar suggests they split up and he leaves CJ to make his own way back to San Fierro, which is a LONG way off!!  So that means that CJ has to jack another car simply because Cesar can't be arsed to give his buddy a lift! Ces, you are a dick, mate!     

Also further to this (and this is my last point on Cesar honest!) another REALLY annoying aspect of the game are the constant calls CJ gets from Cesar about pursuing Smoke's couriers that are transporting drugs or "yay" as CJ calls it. These calls feature way too often in the game and if you accidentally or even agree to pursue the couriers, it takes AGES to reach them as they go cross country! Also when this happens you cannot save the game at a safe house if you make the mistake of agreeing but this also happens on the first call you get about the couriers, which makes it unavoidable first time round. So, I would totally recommend to ALWAYS turn down Cesar when he calls about this otherwise you are in for a real pain in the ass of a time to get these guys. 
 
And last of all is an issue with the whole idea of CJ and Woozie robbing a Mafia casino and thinking they would get away with it! I mean its the Mafia after all! And later CJ even gets an angry call from Salvatore Leone, who is furious with CJ and spouts a bunch of death threats at him and how he will kill him and his family and CJ smugly tells Leone that he has a lot of money to spend and has to go. Now, does CJ really believe he will be able to get away with robbing a Mafia owned casino??? I don't think realistically he would have a chance against them and after the end of the game he is bound to get whacked! 

Anyway that's it for the flaws.

SUM UP

So to sum up, in replaying GTA: San Andreas, its still a terrific game overall, as its gameplay is varied and tremendous fun, it also features a superb cast, who all give great performances and again it features a very solid soundtrack with plenty of radio channels and tracks to listen to. It may have some minor flaws and some deeply infuriating missions however for the most part, the bad points are outweighed by its good points and even after all this time it still remains my favourite of the GTA series.

So, I will give GTA San Andreas a rating of:

10 out of 10

So, that's it for now and I will try and be back soon with another posted before Christmas, so until its bye for now!